A Mate for Lazarus(42)

“It’s not stupid. Yes, I will. Very fucking aroused. I will deal with it. Now drink so that we can talk.”

“Fine. Hold still.” She focused on his pulse. On the rapidly increasing rate of his pulse. It was becoming both faster and stronger. Lazarus’ chest moved beneath her hands with each breath he took. She bit down, hearing his lust-filled groan echo around her apartment.

She couldn’t dwell because his taste filled her mouth. It was the best thing she had ever savored. Better than handmade, Belgian chocolates, better than champagne, better than anything that had passed her lips, better than anything that ever would pass her lips again. He tasted like they belonged together. She was going to tell him everything. Hopefully it would help him understand.

All too soon. He pulled away from her. His chest rumbled as he growled low. The sound was laced with frustration. “That’s enough…for now.”

When she caught his gaze it was filled with desire. His irises glowed softly. He was so beautiful that for a second there she couldn’t speak. Her throat felt clogged, her heart raced. His taste was still on her lips.

She realized that she was still in his lap. Her hands were still planted against his chest. “I need some water.” She mumbled while scrambling off of him. “Can I get you anything?”

Lazarus shook his head. “I want you to explain things to me and I hope to god I understand because I want you, Alexandra. That’s it.”

She nodded, taking a seat next to him, her water forgotten. “I told you that my father died. I was still only a senior in high school. We had an amazing relationship. I loved him so much. He was killed in a car accident.” She paused, taking deep breaths. His death still hurt. The pain had dulled over the years but at moments like this it came back to the surface. “The brakes on a truck failed and it ploughed through a red-light, taking out two cars. My father was in one of the cars and a whole family of four was in the other.” She chewed on her lip. “I often used to wish that I was in the car with him. I actually envied the family because at least they all got to go together.”

Lazarus’ body tensed. He made a growling noise at her admission.

“It was wrong of me to have thought like that. I am glad to be alive. I was a hormonal teenager. Stuck living with my mother. Mummy dearest came from a wealthy family. She’s never worked a day in her life. I have money in a trust fund. I haven’t touched any of it.” And she wouldn’t ever dip into it if she could help it. “My dad worked hard. He was a top journalist, he won awards. I remember going to one of those awards ceremonies.” She paused.

“People looked at him like he was some sort of god. I looked at him like that too. He was special. He looked at the world differently. His work was like a window through which, for just a moment, the rest of us could glimpse at things in the same way that he did. A special way.”

“You wanted others to see you like some kind of a god? Is that it?” His brow was creased.

Alexandra shook her head. “No. My mother never understood what all the hype was about. She didn’t get it. Can you believe that she even tried to talk him into giving up on his career because he didn’t need to work? She barely cried after the accident. Within no time she was seeing other men. Lots of other men. It was like our front door became a revolving door. It made me sick to my stomach. I don’t think that she ever really loved him…not really.” She swallowed hard.

“She and I fought all the time and I moved out as soon as I graduated from college. I always knew that I would follow in his footsteps. After he passed away, the drive became stronger. Knowing my mom didn’t care made me want to succeed all the more. Not only for myself but also for him. Things somehow got twisted inside of me. I thought that if I could get a front page story, become a household name, maybe even get an award or two of my own that I would somehow be proving to him that someone cared…that I cared. No one remembers Peter Stone anymore.” She smiled. “I had this ridiculous fantasy of going up on stage and accepting an award, of telling the world that it was all in honor of him, my father, my mentor, my hero.” Her voice hitched.

“It’s not ridiculous.” Lazarus put his hand on her thigh and rubbed.

“The thing is, I’m not getting any younger. I still work for a small time press. I’m a nobody. I haven’t achieved a single thing. All the while my father becomes more of a distant memory. I’m his daughter, his only child, it’s my responsibility to continue the legacy, to make my mark on this world and I’m failing.”

“No, you’re not.” A growl. Lazarus sat forward, he pulled her towards him. “That’s utter bullshit.”

“I know it is. I’ve come to realize that I was wrong.”

Some of the tension left him.

Alex nodded. “I still love my father. I still remember him. He would not have wanted me to do the things I had planned on doing in order to get the story.” She smiled at Lazarus. “My father had this saying. Sometimes you need to sacrifice to get the story. If the story is big enough, you might even need to sell a piece of your soul. The best journalists are willing to do what it takes.”

Lazarus frowned. “So he would have condoned your actions.”

She shook her head. “He also often used to say…” She had to smile even though her eyes filled with tears. “That he wasn’t one of the best that he would never be one of the best. I never understood what he meant. I mean he was brilliant, he was one of the damned best but he would never sell his soul for a story. I know that now. I understand that now. My father injected his soul into his work…he would never have done anything so underhanded though. I lost track…I almost sold my freaking soul.” She took his hands in hers. They were so huge in comparison. “I really do believe that the world needs to know. It isn’t important to me anymore that I be the one to tell the story. My father would want me happy…he would want his legacy to live on in his grandchildren. This baby…”

A single tear fell but she ignored it. “I should never have lied. I was wrong, but you need to believe me when I tell you that as soon as I started having feelings for you the story was over. I wouldn’t have cared either way. It wasn’t important to me anymore. You were. I love you so much. I love this baby.” She put her hand to her belly. Alex sniffed as the tears continued to fall. “I hate crying.” She tried to smile but her lip wobbled.

“It is killing me to see you so upset.” Lazarus took a deep breath. He squeezed her hands. “Us non-humans are a simple bunch. We listen to our bodies. We are open and honest with one another. Such blatant lying and deception is completely foreign to us.”

She had to close her eyes and look away for a second. Guilt still gnawed at her.

“I know. I took advantage.”

“I understand though. I believe you. Allison told me that you signed the contract even though you didn’t have to and that you refused to take the pills even though you could’ve made a lot of money.”

“I have my own money. Plenty of it. This was never about money.”

“I know that now. It means that you are sincere when you say that you want to keep the baby.”

She felt her eyes widen. “Of course I want to keep him. I would never…” Anger welled up inside.

Lazarus cupped her chin. “I know that. We have both made it clear that we want this child.”

Alex nodded. “You say that you believe me yet you name all of the reasons why you should and can. You’re stating facts instead of listening to your heart and that worries me. Are you doing this for the right reasons?”

“I am looking at the facts and I believe what I see. The trust between us has been damaged. It is not gone, just broken. I think that in time, it will slowly heal.” He sighed. “I don’t think that we can mate and move on like this never happened but I am willing to work on our relationship.” His eyes bore into hers. “We said that we wanted to date for a time. If I remember correctly you were adamant about it. I think you said lots of dating.” He smiled.

“That was when I was trying to keep my distance. We were never supposed to become intimate with one another.”

He frowned. “That would have been a crying shame.”

She nodded. “Yes, it would have.”

“You may have had different reasons back then to want to date for a time but I think that it would be a good idea now. Let’s get to know one another. We can take things slowly.”

Alex swallowed hard. She bit down on her lip for a second or two. She needed to get this off her chest and right now. “I tried to ask this earlier in a roundabout way, but I really need to know. Are you doing this for the baby or because you really want to be with me?”

His eyes darkened up. “I loved you from that first picnic. I knew then that you were special, that if I allowed you in that I would be fucked. It’s why I was adamant about checking that you really wanted to be with me. I knew I would fall and in a big way and I did. I seriously fucking love you, Alexandra. As much as I wanted to stop loving you, I couldn’t no matter how hard I tried. I just can’t.”