A Convenient Arrangement(57)

“Gwen,” he whispered into her hair. “My God, I wish I could be the man you need. I love you.”

But you can, she wanted to yell. With a few simple words and some bravery he could. Her heart hurt with the knowledge that he didn’t want to try, that he was willing to let her go instead of braving his fears. She stepped away from him, looked up into his face, his jaw still close to hers. That beautiful face with the full lips and that look of love and yet his face was no longer her lover’s face. Already a distance grew between them, a silence like a hard living thing that wouldn’t let her say what she wanted, wouldn’t let her reach out and tell him all her hopes and dreams for the future she truly wanted to share with him.

He bent down and his lips were on hers. This would be their final kiss, the last one between them, the kiss she would remember on dark nights when she felt alone and afraid that she’d made a mistake, let the love of her life go because she wanted more than he could give. His mouth grew insistent, his breathing heavy. He pulled her closer and she let him. His tongue slid into her mouth and probed, lighting her entire body with a fire and a sadness that seared this moment upon her soul. Yes, it would be this kiss, their final kiss, and the kiss at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve that started it all that she would take with her, that she would remember when she let herself think of Leo and what they’d had together.

The heat of him, the hard planes of his body against hers, the overwhelming desire she had for Leo made her breasts heavy with want. She’d played with fire. She’d known who Leo was and how he was before she’d ever kissed him. He’d been honest with her from the beginning, but she’d been less than honest with herself.

It took every ounce of her strength to pull away from him, to tilt her head back and look into his eyes. Those brown eyes with flecks of gold. Eyes she’d always remember. “I love you too,” Gwen said. She summoned the strength to continue. She needed to say this, needed him to know. “But I want you for more than just now, I want you for forever. And yes, I want everything that goes with that—a marriage, a family, and children. You’ve never lied about what you wanted, but then again, neither have I.”

Leo nodded. He swallowed. The heat between them still there, but fading under the chill of the ever-widening distance between them.

Leo leaned forward and touched his forehead to hers, just as he had on New Year’s Eve. “I’m sorry, if I was ever…if that life was ever going to be mine…I would…” His gaze lasered onto hers. “Gwen, I’d want that life with you.”

Again the crooked and sad smile. What pathetic words those were, the sorriest kind of consolation prize. But she’d take them. She’d hold them close to her heart, clutched in her hand, especially when she saw news on the gossip pages, as she inevitably would, of Leo with his latest convenient arrangement.

“I should go.”

The words ripped through her soul. She wanted to ask him to stay, to tell him she would be okay, that she could do what he wanted, be what he needed instead of a woman who wanted a ring and kids and the whole package. But that would be a lie to herself and a lie to him. They stood together, each of them loath to surrender the other. His hands finally dropped from her shoulders, and she stepped back from his embrace. And with that, the magic of their brief time together slipped away on a brisk March wind. She was again Gwen, single and alone, and he was Leo, the most eligible bachelor in the world. She walked silently behind him toward the door.

“I… Let me know if you need anything.” As though he didn’t know what else to say. What she needed, he couldn’t provide. “I love you, Gwen.” His hands rose, as if to embrace her once more, but then he dropped to his sides. He grabbed his coat. One final look filled with a longing and a sadness then the door closed behind him.

“I love you, too,” she whispered.





Chapter 17




“Man, you look like shit.” Justin dropped the rubber ball to the court.

“Thanks.” The sarcasm was automatic, but Leo knew his brother was right.

Justin slammed the ball into the wall and Leo’s rubber soles squeaked on the wooden floor as he raced to return the shot. He stumbled and Justin easily scored the point.

“Playing like shit, too.” Justin bounced the ball and turned back toward his brother. “Which is okay with me, because this is game point.”

Leo bent forward. He couldn’t keep his mind in the game. He’d hoped this match would distract him from his thoughts of Gwen. Two weeks. Two weeks, and he’d yet to go three minutes without his mind wandering to Gwen. His brother wiping the floor with him didn’t seem to be helping.