A Christmas to Remember(86)

Unsure of where to let her gaze fall, she looked up at him, and her breath caught. He was looking right at her. Just like the waves on the beach in the summer, she pulled back, but there was a force beyond her control pulling her toward him. His eyes were unwavering, certain. As the music played around her, she could feel the magnitude of the moment. It was heavy and light at the same time: heavy with emotion, light with energy. She could feel the movement of his chest against her, and she realized that he was breathing deeply. Was he going to kiss her? Before she could find out, the song ended, and he pulled away.

She followed him off the makeshift dance floor. They walked over to the fire, the burning embers giving a homey smell to the large room. Had she imagined the chemistry between them? Was it all in her mind? He was turned away from her, still holding her hand, leading her closer to the fire. She didn’t need its warmth; her skin burned with the emotions of the moment. In her mind, she’d crossed over the professional-personal line. Perhaps it was the way she felt in that dress, all made up, as if she could belong with someone like Adam. Perhaps it was the magic in the air at such a lavish party as Ashford’s. Whatever it was, it had left her feeling like it could all really happen. She tried to ground herself in reality, but it was hard to do that with everything around her. Allie and Robert were walking toward them, pulling her out of the moment.

“Found him!” Allie said with a smile. Adam grabbed their drinks from the table and handed Carrie hers. She tipped it back, the bubbly liquid filling her mouth, and set it on the tray nearby. As the waiter walked past, she grabbed another.

Robert stood behind Allie, his hands on her shoulders, rubbing the tops of her arms as if she were cold. Allie leaned against Robert and tipped her head back to make eye contact with him, an adoring look on her face. Carrie wished she could be that way with Adam. It would be so easy to wrap her arms around him. Had Andy ever been so lucky? She took another large swig of her champagne to drown out the thought.

A little boy walked up wearing a tuxedo, his hair combed perfectly to one side. “Excuse me, Uncle Robert,” he said. “Have you seen Mom?” The sight of this little boy pulled Carrie back to reality. She was so glad to see a little face in this crowd of people. He looked to be around six or seven.

“No, Paul, I haven’t. Give her a minute, though. She may be checking to see if Sammy can sleep with all this racket going on,” he smiled. When the little boy ran off, his actions in juxtaposition with his attire, Robert said, “That was my nephew. I’d have introduced him, but he doesn’t stay still these days, as you can see. His little brother, Sammy, and our Carolyn are both asleep, but we let him stay up since he’s the big boy.” He smiled again.

“He’s adorable,” she said.

“Boys are definitely different from girls,” Robert said. He placed his hand on his wife’s belly. “I don’t know what we’ll do when we have our own.”

“Boy?” Carrie said, unable to disguise her happiness. Allie nodded, giving another loving look to her husband. “One of each! That’s fantastic.”

Carrie was genuinely happy for these people, even though she barely knew them. Mixed with that happiness, however, was a sense of longing for her own family. She didn’t need a fancy house like this one or even one like Adam’s—all she wanted was someone whom she loved to share her life with and children of her own. Everything else would just be icing on the cake. She felt a pang of sadness for Sharon hit her unexpectedly. Sharon had a loving husband, a great extended family, everything she needed to make the perfect home for a child, and she’d been denied it. Carrie couldn’t imagine having a life with no children, so she understood why Sharon kept trying. Carrie decided that if the same thing had happened to her, she’d never quit trying.

“Cheers to one of each,” Adam said, grabbing his champagne from the table and raising it in the air.

“Thank you,” Robert said. “And drink up,” he kidded, raising his own glass and taking a sip. “Would you like a few bottles of champagne to take home, Adam? We left my brother, Kip, in charge of the order, and we have so much that we have nowhere to store it all. I think he may have done it on purpose so he could take a truckload home when he leaves.”

Adam laughed and said to Carrie, “You’d have to know Kip to know how funny that is.”

“I’m not kidding,” Robert said. “I’ll have Gerard put some in your car…”

Carrie thought about what they would do with champagne at the Fletchers’. Would she and Adam get to drink it? Would they sit by the fire instead of their usual suppers at the kitchen table? She could feel the hope rising up, and she squashed it back down, knowing how foolish she was being. Get real, she thought. Just like Cinderella, all of this would be gone in the morning. Soon, Adam would go back to work, and things would be just like they’d been. Just like Joyce and Bruce and the rest of his family, she didn’t want him to go to work anymore. She wasn’t just bothered, she could feel it in her chest. She was starting to hate his work for pulling on him so much, even if he did love it. The difference was, she wasn’t going to pretend that it didn’t bother her, like his family did. She was going to let him know—and she’d keep letting him know—how much they all wanted him around. Would she be strong enough tomorrow, without the champagne to give her the courage? Would she really be able to tell him what she felt?