A Christmas to Remember(24)

She remembered Christmases with her own parents, how it felt to unwrap that one gift that had been at the top of her list. She remembered the security in the knowledge that her parents had known exactly what to get her. Until adulthood, she’d taken their generosity for granted. She didn’t realize, as a child, how much the gesture really meant. Her parents had looked long and hard to find the very things—down to the right color or model—that she’d put on her list. They’d done it because they loved her. If Carrie bought the children gifts, what would that tell them about Adam? What would they think of his love? Would it be absent in their minds?

Adam was kind and gentle, and she knew that deep down he loved his kids too. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have worked so hard to get a top nanny, he wouldn’t have made sure that they had everything they needed, he wouldn’t have met them today. Perhaps he just didn’t know how to show that love. Clearly, being the Founder and CEO of Shockoe Brewery—she’d noticed on his letterhead—he knew how to run things. She’d read on the computer last night how his beer was shipped state-wide, and he had a very successful restaurant and brewery. By the ease in which he offered his credit card, things were unquestionably going well for him. Maybe he was like her in that he stuck to what he did best—running the brewery—and let everything else flounder. Maybe he wasn’t as sure of himself when it came to his personal life. Maybe he didn’t trust his instincts. She could certainly relate.

“What presents would you like for Christmas, David?” she asked.

Olivia had run ahead, and was bent over, her scarf now out of her jacket, dragging the ground as she peered under a tree. “There’s not much room under this one,” she called back to them and then ran a little farther up the lot to check another.

“I’d like a racecar set,” David said. Carrie took a mental note.

“Oh, that sounds fun, David,” she smiled. “If you get one, may I play with it too?” David nodded, a grin emerging through his serious expression. Carrie stopped in front of a perfectly shaped tree that stood taller than Adam, and looked it up and down. “What about this one?” she asked, looking at Adam for his opinion.

He shrugged. “I’m sure you’re better at knowing what would work in the house than I am,” he said with that grin of his. “Get whatever you like.”

His cheeks were pink from the cold. Carrie wanted to put her hands on them and warm them up. The thought surprised her, and she quickly turned away from him and looked at the tree. Handsome as he was, she hadn’t until that very moment contemplated what it would be like to comfort him or touch him. Just like her nerves, she thought for the millionth time, she’d better get over it if she wanted to work for him day in and day out. She couldn’t be having thoughts like that. When she had finally cleared the notion from her mind, she looked back at him, and his eyes met hers. He was looking at her almost curiously, and she worried that he could read her mind. Why was he looking at her that way? It was making her nervous. She tried to take a deep breath and let it out like her book had said, but it was difficult to do it in a way that he wouldn’t notice.

Adam’s phone rang in his pocket, slashing through the moment. He turned to answer it, and Carrie finally managed to take that breath. The children were hiding behind trees, giggling, knocking into them and causing snow to puff out in the sunlight, falling to the ground like glitter.

“Andy…” he said, taking a step away, his back to her. He was quiet, listening, and she watched him pacing, spots of wetness beginning to show on his high-dollar shoes. “If we go that route, I’m going to need a cost analysis. I can’t make that type of decision without some sort of discussion. Have you asked the team?” His back was still to her, but his pacing had brought him closer, and she tried to occupy herself with looking at the tree so as not to eavesdrop. “Shall we meet tonight and discuss it over a drink?”

She immediately thought about how late that would put Adam getting home tonight, and the disappointment of that hit her harder than it should. Instead of coming home, he’d be out having a drink. She found herself becoming oddly jealous of this Andy, wishing she, too, could go out for a drink and have a night out with adults. Her imagination started to run wild, and, all of a sudden, worry burned right through the cold on her cheeks. Andy. The heat spread down her neck as the thought occurred to her: What if Andy was a woman? Adam was having drinks to discuss work, but it was still drinks he was having. That seemed like more than a discussion at the office. She imagined a tall, striking woman in heels and the kind of dress that Carrie had never owned, a cocktail in her hand, her head tipping back in laughter at something Adam said. Yes, that would be more like the type of person he’d probably go out with. She looked down at her jeans and coat, her striped gloves and scarf, thinking how casual she looked. It made her feel small and insignificant.