A Brutal Betrayal(12)

“Okay, and a death defying feat after your trauma?”

“That’s it? We’re not going to discuss it further?”

“We might, but it depends on how you handled whatever you faced recently.”

“Hmm,” Megan mused quietly. “Okay, so I’ve always kind of been afraid of steep stairs, because I feel like I’m going to trip and fall and tumble all the way down and break my neck. I don’t really remember caring when I was a kid, but as a kid, you are fearless. Now I think I’m clumsier and when stairs are steep, you see all the way down and have plenty of time to imagine the different ways your body will contort as it bangs against each step.”

“Lots of people are actually afraid of that,” Declan interrupted.

“So I’ve read somewhere.”

“So, you’re not afraid anymore?” Declan asked.

“Not really.”

“What happened?” He truly wanted to know, not just as a therapist but because he wanted to know more about Megan.

“I had to go to a party.”

“I’m not following,” he answered perplexed.

“I had to go to some event, and it was on the third floor of some building and then the fire alarm went off. I think it was a false alarm, but it didn’t matter, we had to go down the stairs and I was in heels.”

“Okay, and…”

“Well, I sort of refused at first. I hate doing it in flats and here I was going to have to do it in heels. And I was not about to take them off and go barefoot, that’s just gross. I was told I could wait inside the stairwell for the fire department to come if I couldn’t walk down the stairs safely, and I was about to take that option until, I don’t know, something just clicked inside. I had a little mental talk with myself, but I pretty much told myself that if all these other people are doing it with no problem, and there were other people in heels, then I could too. And I took a deep breath and did it. And since I did it in heels, no less, I know now that I can do it in flats no problem.”

“So, no one helped?” He asked somewhat shocked no one had stopped to assist her.

“Some people offered their arms when they saw me starting to hesitate.”

“And you didn’t take them up on their offers?”

“No.” She stated it as if that was a given.

“Why?”

“I wanted to do it by myself.” He had a feeling he knew why, but he wanted to get her to talk about it.

“Because you didn’t trust them? Or because you wanted to conquer this without someone’s help.”

“I…I’m not really sure. I guess both maybe.”

“Why didn’t you trust anyone?”

“Because they’re strangers.” The way she said it was as if she was ashamed of feeling that way.

“So, you’ve never seen strangers helping other people?”

“I have, but I’ve also seen strangers hurting others.” That made sense, but Declan didn’t want to see her life impeded because of thoughts like that.

“Do me a favor, think for a moment. Do you ask for help? Do you accept help?”

“Of course I do; I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Well, yes, but that’s a last ditch effort, no? Think about it for a second. Do you ever get help from others for anything? Little things even.”

“I, uh…”

“I’ll take that as a no. Now tell me why.” He needed her to talk through things.

“I don’t know.”

“Think, Megan. Tell me why.” He pushed.

“I don’t know.” She was starting to panic, Declan could tell. He should stop. With any other patient, he wouldn’t have pushed. But something…something about Megan made him want to push. He wanted her to break free as soon as humanly possible. Something inside him needed her to break free.

“Megan, look at me,” he said slowly. “Now, tell me why you don’t get help from others. Why did your friend help you when you were fourteen, but you refuse now?” She swung her eyes from him, searching around the room like she was looking for an escape.

“Why?” he asked again.

“Because who the hell was there to help me when I needed it the most?!” she screamed. “No one! No one helped me when I couldn’t help myself. So, why the hell should they help me now? How can I even trust anyone?! How can I trust they won’t let me fall and break when I’m fine if they couldn’t prevent it when I was dying? Tell me, Declan. Why the hell should I trust anyone? Why should I allow myself to be vulnerable like that? Why should I expose myself to the possibility of such pain? I know what it feels like to wait for someone to rescue you, and it sucks. It fucking sucks knowing that no one is coming to save you. I don’t want that false fucking hope again. I can’t take it. My heart, my body, my fragile fucking mind can’t take it!” she continued to scream.