A Broken Soul(83)

Tony stood and gave my shoulder a pat. "Then be good for her, man. She's still here. She's alive and breathing, and as long as that's the case, it's never done. Be the kind of man that's good for her. Pull out all the stops to get that second chance, and I swear, it'll be worth all the blood, sweat, and tears you put into it."

I was thankful when he headed out of the weight room. I needed time to process everything he'd just said, and I wasn't sure I could do that in the company of others. It took an hour for the wakeup call to fully penetrate. By the time a call came in for a small kitchen fire, and I was pulled from my inner musings, the battle that had been raging inside me for months suddenly seemed to disappear. I felt a sense of calm I hadn't experiences in years. Finally, I knew what I had to do.

I had to be the man Lilly needed.



       
         
       
        

When we got back to the firehouse, I found Tony in the locker room. "Hey, I need a favor."

He secured the towel around his hips and gave me a knowing grin. "Yeah? With what?"

"Think you can cover my next shift for me?"

That grin on his face grew into a full-blown smile as he answered, "I got you, brother. Go do what you need to do."

I fully intended to do exactly that. I just hoped I could fix the damage done from trying to hold her at arms-length for so long, because I finally accepted that I couldn't imagine a life without Lilly in it.

And I prayed that she felt the same.





Quinn



MY PALMS WERE sweating, the skin on the back of my neck tingling, as I made my way up the familiar walkway toward the front door. It had taken two weeks since my talk with Tony to set my plan into motion, but now that I was finally here, standing outside a house I'd come to know so well, I was second-guessing my decision.

I had no doubt they didn't want to see me. They probably didn't want to hear a word I had to say, but if I had any hope in fixing this deep, bottomless hole inside of me, if I had any hope of fixing myself and getting Lilly back, I needed to do this.

I closed my eyes and pulled in a deep calming breath. On an exhale, I reached out and pressed the doorbell, listening to the faint chimes echoing through the solid wood door.

The door opened and her eyes grew wide with shock. "Quinn. This is a surprise."

"Janice," I tipped my chin down. "How are you? I'm sorry to just drop by like this."

"Is everything all right? Is Sophia okay?" She fidgeted nervously with the necklace she'd worn every day since Addison and I gave it to her as a birthday present. The locket held a picture of Addy as a baby on one side, and a picture of Sophia an hour after she was born on the other.

"Sophia's fine, she's with my parents." I swallowed around the mass in my throat and asked, "Is Garrett home?"

She didn't look any less confused as she stepped to the side to let me in. "Yes, of course. Come in. I'll get him for you."

"I actually need to speak to both of you. If that's all right." Janice led me into the living room. It looked exactly the same all these years later, and memories of all the happy times I'd spent here as part of my wife's family assaulted my senses. I hadn't been back to this house, back to Seattle, since I uprooted mine and Sophia's lives and headed to Pembrooke. Being back here, surrounded by pictures of Addy was both painful and comforting all at the same time. It had taken a lot for me to not let the pain of the memories debilitate me, and I still had so much work to do but, thanks to the therapist I'd started seeing three times a week, I was learning to remember the good times I had with my wife, and tried to look beyond the guilt. 

I didn't want to let the past consume me anymore. And in order to do that, I needed to face this one particular obstacle. The biggest one I'd had yet.

"I'm not going to lie, Quinn. You're kind of scaring me right now. It's not like you to just show up here. Are you sure you're okay?"

I offered a small smile to the woman I'd once loved like a second mother. To be honest, that love was still there, but I'd buried it under so much grief and despair, I'd forgotten how good it felt. "I'm trying to be," I offered softly.

Something about that statement seemed to hit Janice, and she jerked back a step. Then, slowly, her eyes tearful, she nodded her head. "I'll just go get Garrett," she whispered, and disappeared down the hall.

As I waited, I made my way over to the mantle above the fireplace, studying the pictures I hadn't seen in ages. I stopped when I came to one that made my heart squeeze in my chest.

Reaching out, I picked up a photo of Addy and me at our wedding reception, bringing it closer to my face. God, we were so happy. I remembered it like it was yesterday. We were in the middle of our first dance as husband and wife. Everyone was watching as we moved across the floor, our heads bowed together as we whispered to each other, lost in our own little bubble. Halfway through the song, Addy gave me a playful smile and asked if I wanted to sneak any of the bottles of booze from the bar out under her skirts when the reception was over. I'd pulled back with a surprised laugh. She'd joined in seconds later, and the photographer captured the moment on camera.