A Beautiful Distraction(92)

She breathed him in and tried to memorize this moment, this feeling, because she knew it wouldn’t last. It couldn’t last. Too many variables lined up pitting the odds against them. He deserved someone who could love him the way he deserved to be loved, because she knew with every beat of her breaking heart that this man could love so hard it hurt. But it was the best possible pain. The soul-crushing pain that knew how to break you down and heal you in the same breath.

Tilly was right: no other love would compare, and Fallon knew undoubtedly that no other love ever would. He was the true kind.

And he deserved the true kind.

She just didn’t know how to be that for him.

Dusting a soft kiss to his chest, she slinked out beneath his arms. He moaned in his sleep and she froze. After another heartbeat she rolled from the bed and, snatching her dress off the floor, tiptoed quietly from her room.

Making quick work of her feet, Fallon pulled her dress down over her head, zipping it up the side as she descended the stairs. She needed the security Velour would provide her, needed the numbing distraction of the cold basement studio and her worn pointe shoes.

“So that’s it, babe?”

Her entire body stiffened, petrified by the sound of his voice echoing from the landing above her. Smoothing the wrinkled fabric of her dress down her thighs, she rolled her shoulders back, commanding her body to hold itself upright, because at that very moment she didn’t think her legs would be able to support her.

She took another step before Rafe’s voice sounded in the space right behind her. She could feel the heat from his naked chest pressing against her, and it took everything she had in her not to lean into him and allow his arms to secure around her.

She couldn’t.

“You’re just gonna walk away from me? Is that what you want?”

No.

“Yes,” she whispered, fighting back the sob that was constricting her throat. Heat flamed behind her eyes, warning her that if she didn’t leave soon, her tears would fall.

“I’m right here, Fallon.” He turned her around, his eyes imprisoning her as his hands held her face.

Quicksand . . .

“I’m right here, gorgeous. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to turn my back on you.”

This man in front of her, his eyes harboring sincerity in his concern, awakened that unknown feeling. The walls she built grew indestructible the day she gave her daughter up. It was also the last day she allowed herself to feel. But Rafe changed that. She should have known how dangerous he’d be. He broke her down. He broke her completely and he offered her what no one else was ever able to—to feel. And it hurt.

She watched his eyes follow the single tear that skidded down her cheek until it landed on his hand. Clenching his jaw, he tipped his head back to the ceiling.

“But you’re still gonna walk away from me, aren’t you?” he hissed between his teeth.

How could she respond? He already had his answer.

Grabbing her hand, he crushed it against her chest, above her heart thudding so hard, so quickly against her ribs that it felt like at any moment it was going to pierce through her skin. She couldn’t breathe.

“You feel that, babe? You can’t tell me you don’t want this! I can feel it. My touch does this to you.”

She swallowed hard as the burn in her throat expanded.

He moved their hands from her and pressed them to his chest. “You feel this? You own me, gorgeous. Every single beat of my heart belongs to you. You do this to me.”

Silence. That’s all she had for him. He deserved more. So much more.

When his hands left hers and raked over the top of his head, she turned from him and stepped down the last few steps and into the foyer.

And walked away.





CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR


Sliding down onto his usual stool that had gone vacant these last few weeks, Rafe pulled the black ceramic ashtray over in front of him. Rolling the cigarette between his lips, he nodded at Trish, who was busy restocking beer bottles in the refrigerator below the back counter.

“Hey, baby. Haven’t seen you ’round here in a while. Thought you mighta moved on, found someone else to pour your Envy.”

He felt the familiar lift of his lips. A smile. He hadn’t smiled in two goddamn weeks. He should’ve known Trish would be the one to shift his mood. “Nah, Trish. I only drink Angel’s Envy with you, sweetheart.”

Her back was to him but he knew her beautiful, haunting eyes were wrinkling with a smile. “Where’re you heading tonight lookin’ like that? I know you didn’t get all dressed up to come visit me.” Turning her head over her shoulder, she winked at him and flashed her teeth.

He pulled nicotine into his lungs, then exhaled a cloud of smoke. “Redeployment ball. Can I snag you as my date?”