The First Last Boy(5)

"How many times do I have to tell you to take a number?"

Destiny looked over her shoulder to make sure Leena wasn't near and when she looked back, she flipped him off.

"If she was older than sixteen..." Juvante said.

"Leena would kick your ass even if Destiny was thirty. You're not good enough for her daughter."

"Bro, fuck you." Juvante popped the back of my head and then bounced  around with his hands up in a boxer's stance. "He moves to the left.  Then to the right. Kidney punch and my brother from another mother is  down, crying like a little bitch."

I gave him a look. A sadistic asshole at one of my former foster homes  taught me bare knuckle boxing, locking me in a room with him, drilling  the techniques into me for endless hours a day and if I screwed up, he'd  make me start all over. No food, no water, no sleep. Those were  privileges for winners and losers didn't deserve them.         

     



 

When I'd caught him beating his daughter, I'd shown him how well I'd  learned his lessons. Since then, I'd left my share of guys down,  writhing in the dirt, faces drawn in pain. I'd never lost any kind of  fight and Juvante knew it. Not because I was the best, but because I  didn't quit. Quitting earned a man a reputation as an easy mark.

Juvante held his hand up. "You know I'm playing with you." He shuffled  his feet. "Are you sure you're not coming back from a tail run?"

"Positive."

He put one hand over his heart and raised the other hand toward the sky.  "Praise Jesus, Mama Leena has finally convinced one of her boys to walk  the straight and narrow like good church people do." Juvante once lived  in a foster home where the father used to drag all the kids to church  every Sunday and knock them around the other six days. He hated any kind  of organized religion and people who pushed it, but he respected Mama  Leena because she was real.

"Juvante Willis!"

"Oh, shit!" Juvante ducked to the back of my car and crouched by the bumper when he heard Mama Leena's voice.

Cooper and I laughed and headed toward the front door. Juvante wasn't  afraid of anything or anyone. But like me, he hated disappointing Mama  Leena. She believed in all her boys and thought we were going to change  the world. When I'd graduated high school, I swear she'd screamed my  name with such enthusiasm that it'd made my ears ring.

Inside the house, Mama Leena looked at us with a penetrating stare. She  wore her customary business suit and nice jewelry. At forty, she was an  attractive woman, but said she didn't have time to date whenever we'd  tease her about it. Her sister told me she thought the truth was there  weren't a lot of men willing to take on a house full of foster kids. But  I think Mama Leena still grieved over the loss of her husband Sam who'd  died six years ago in a car accident.

Moving her briefcase from the coffee table, she pointed at me and then  to the sofa. "Coop, you and Ryan sit down for a minute, please."

"Can't stay." Cooper bent to press a kiss against the side of her face.  Though he had his own place now, he'd often stop by check in on Mama and  try to give her money that she wouldn't take. "I'm heading to work."

She grabbed his hand, searching his face with worried eyes. "Everything okay?"

He gave her a smile that was pure bullshit. "Fine."

I knew his rich girlfriend had dumped him for a well-connected society  asshole and it had thrown him for a loop. Cooper had only been a  distraction for her she'd said. I'd fished his drunk and totaled ass out  of so many bars these last two weeks that I'd lost count. I'd calmed  bartenders, bouncers and boyfriends who wanted to beat Cooper's skull in  for the shit he'd stirred up in the bars. He shot me a warning look not  to say anything. "See you later."

"Did you eat?" Mama Leena refocused on me after Coop left.

I walked over to the sofa and picked up a flowered pillow to move it out of my way. "I had some pizza at Tana's house."

That earned me a look of frowning reproach. "Ryan, I hope you're being careful."

"I'm good." I didn't need to hear another lecture on being careful  around girls, especially Tana. I sat down beside Destiny and nudged her.  "There's probably something better on if you want to change the  channel."

She put the remote on the other side of her leg. "I'm watching my show so you leave me alone."

"You know I'm your favorite brother."

"You're a pain." Destiny slapped my arm when I reached across her and  snagged the remote. "I mean it, Ryan. Don't you switch it."

"Did you finish filling out those college applications I left in your room?" Mama Leena asked.

"Yeah." I pressed the remote but looked away from the television when Destiny snickered.

Mama Leena pulled a stack of crumpled applications from beneath the  thick family photo album she kept on top of the coffee table. She had a  picture of every single foster kid she'd cared for even if they only  stayed a few days. "You mean these applications I found in your  trashcan?"

"They want me to write an essay about my life for each application. What  the fuck am I supposed to say? That I'm lucky I'm not doing a dime  upstate for all the shit I've done?"

"You know better than to use that kind of language in this house," she  said sharply, then sighed, and her voice softened. "I know you've seen  things when you were a child that no kid should ever see." Her eyes  watered with unshed tears and I wondered if she was imagining the  picture a social worker had given her of me wearing a thick dog collar  and chained in a backyard to a dog house.         

     



 

"No one's denying that you've had a rough start, but don't let your past  trap you. Don't let those people who should have cared for you and  didn't be part of your present. Ryan, you deserve a good life, a better  one than working at the garage." She reached over and took my hand. "I  believe you were meant for more."

"Like flipping burgers." Destiny snickered.

"Destiny, shut off the television. I want to talk to Ryan alone."

Destiny knew better than to argue. She glared at me when she left and  seconds later, music wafted loudly from the direction of her room.

Mama Leena squeezed my hand and held it. "I know what it's like to grow up hard and not have anyone rooting for you."

I knew that while she'd been raised in a well-to-do doctor's home, she'd  experienced some tough things, but she kept the details to herself.

"Ryan, son, look at me."

When I did, she said, "Out of all my boys, I worry about you the most.  You have a fire in you that can be used for good, but when you let it  burn unchecked, it has the potential to destroy you. I'm afraid if you  don't get out of this city, away from your former life, you're going to  end up right back where you came from. I know the streets don't like to  let anyone go. I know you have to fight every day to keep from being who  you used to be." Her lip quivered. "If that happened to you, it would  break my heart."

The old familiar ache curled in the center of my chest whenever I  thought about the fallout from my past. "I don't run with the crew any  more. Not since Donny was killed."

"There's more to leaving that life behind than just not running with  that old crowd. You're still holding onto that part of you in case you  need it."

I clenched my teeth together. The guy I'd once been was quiet, trying to  be a better person but that didn't mean he was gone for good. I knew  it, she knew it, there wasn't any use denying it.

She heaved a sigh and moved to stand in front of me. Dropping the  applications in my lap, she said, "I've told you I'll pay for your first  year of college. But you have to take the initial step."

"I'll make my own way in the world."

"It's not a hand out, it's a hand up because we're family and that's  what families do. When you get where you want to be in life, you can pay  it forward and be a blessing to someone else."

When I didn't say anything, she sighed again. "You're as stubborn as my  Sam was." A smile crossed her lips at the memory before sadness chased  it away. "Tell Juvante to get in here and eat something."

I walked outside, thankful to be away from all the hope she had in me  that I didn't have. Every time she talked about family and believing in  me, it stung because I knew my track record. I knew what lingered in me.  It was only a matter of time before I did something that would destroy  her hope.

Juvante wasn't in sight so I went to the end of the driveway. As soon I  could see both ends of the street, headlights went on and a car took off  at a fast speed, narrowly missing a truck parked next door.

Juvante jogged up to me with a sheepish look on his face.

"Tell me that wasn't Chanos." That was a devil from my past I'd rather forget.

He scoffed at me, rolling his eyes. "You know I don't fuck around with dealers. ‘Specially one as crazy as his ass."