Tender Wings of Desire(4)

It all clicked for Madeline then, what she had to do. She put on a happy face and turned to Eliza, who was about to begin unlacing her gown.

“I am sorry,” she said, pretending to giggle with a carefree expression. “Would you mind terribly if I were to put myself to bed tonight?”

Eliza looked confused for a moment. “But miss…”

“It is okay, really, I’ll put everything away. You are dismissed, Eliza.”

Her maid did not bother to conceal her confusion as she backed out of the bedroom and closed the door behind her. Madeline quickly unlaced the rather elaborate evening dress and let it pool to the ground. Standing in nothing but her corset and pantalets, she moved to her closet, grabbing a bag that she usually used for long trips. She grabbed as many plain dresses as she could find and slipped into a light blue muslin dress. Lacing up her riding boots, she slung the bag over her shoulder and sat on her bed, picturing Eliza’s trek down to the servants’ quarters. If she timed it well enough, maybe no one would notice that she was gone until it was too late.

Twenty minutes later, clad in a black riding cloak with the hood up and casting shadows over her features, she snuck out of her bedroom and walked to the stairs as quickly as possible. The house was incredibly quiet, although distantly she believed that she could hear the murmur of voices. Were her parents talking before bed? Was she overhearing some servant’s tryst? She did not know, and it did not matter so long as they remained distracted.

Madeline’s heart pounded as she left the house and entered the April night air. Winter had yet to truly relinquish its grip on the land, and the night air held a chill that ran shivers down Madeline’s spine. Perhaps this chill was less about the weather and more about how terrified she was of getting caught, but her footsteps led her to the stables of the manor.

She loved to ride, and even now the idea of doing so thrilled her. She could hear the confused murmur of her father’s horses as her scent reached their nostrils. It definitely wasn’t the correct time of day for a ride and they knew that, but Madeline knew that the confused whinnying would pass soon enough, and the stables were too far from the house for this to raise any alarm. Madeline was sure they made noise at all times of the night.

At the end of the line of stalls stood Madeline’s favorite, a sweet dapple gray named Persephone. Although all of the horses belonged to her father, everyone agreed that Persephone belonged to Madeline at heart. She gently patted Persephone’s neck and the horse whickered.

“Would you like to go for a ride, my sweet girl?” Madeline cooed to her. Persephone whinnied.

Having always preferred to saddle her own horse, Madeline had no trouble getting Persephone ready to ride, and under the cover of darkness, she led her beloved mare out of the stable.

Luckily on this night the moon cast a silvery blue glow on everything. Though it might make her more easily spotted on the road, she would also be able to ride without needing a lantern, which would draw even more attention. After securing her travel bag onto Persephone’s saddle, she mounted up and gave one last look at the house.

Most of the lights were out, but a few were still on, and she learned at a young age to which bedrooms they belonged. Victoria and her parents were asleep in their separate rooms, but Winston was still awake, and for a moment she wondered if he was looking out the window right now, watching her. She wondered if he would approve of what she was doing.

The worst part was that although she loved her family, she knew that she would never be allowed back. However, she also knew that she needed to taste this freedom, even if it meant her ruin.

“Goodbye,” she whispered to her family, knowing that they probably would not forgive her, but willing to take that chance. With a gentle “yah!” at Persephone, she flicked the reins and rode off and away from the only home she had ever known, not knowing where she was going but knowing that her destiny was ahead of her.





CHAPTER FOUR




Once the sun began to rise, Madeline was surprised to find that she wasn’t a bit tired. Perhaps the shock of running away from home had killed all desire for sleep; in any case she knew that she had to keep moving no matter what, for if she stopped they would probably find her and then all of this would be over.

She could not help but wonder what would happen if she was caught. Would they still make her marry Reginald? Would they simply put her in the madhouse? That seemed unlikely to her; her parents loved her no matter what, even if she had done something like this. She thought the situation would make her feel ashamed, but instead she felt exhilarated. She was free and riding off into some unknown adventure! Surely this was what she was meant to do.

When Persephone tired, Madeline went into the forest to allow her to rest and drink from a nearby stream. She had a little pocket money she could use to buy a room at an inn for the following night, now that she had gotten some distance between her and the house. She wasn’t sure where she was going, but she knew that she was headed toward the sea, and for some reason that excited her. Madeline had only seen the sea once, back when she was a little girl. The memory seemed like a dream, but now she knew it was where she wanted to go. She most likely had a day’s ride, maybe two, before she reached it.

Then what would she do? She would have to figure that out, now wouldn’t she?

She took a moment and sat in the quiet of the forest, listening to the sound of the babbling brook where Persephone was drinking. Madeline almost could not bring herself to think about her family, or what they must have been thinking the moment they discovered she was gone. She could picture the look of panic on her mother’s face that morning as she entered Madeline’s empty room, finding her gone. She thought about Eliza, her poor maid. She would be the one to raise the alarm, right?

Madeline knew that they were probably furious, at least most of them. Victoria would never understand, and though Winston had basically guessed her predicament, he would know better than to speak up in her defense when the wounds were still fresh. How will they get out from under the scandal? The thought of that made her so queasy she had to sit on a rock by the brook to stop her heart from pounding.

Should she go back? It was the first time she had considered such a thing, but immediately her heart answered with a resounding NO. It was far too late to do that anyway, and she was pretty sure that her old life was now officially destroyed, no matter what happened. If she went back, her family would still be furious, her wedding would still be canceled, and for all she knew her parents might want to put her in one of those asylums for hysterical girls, and she could not abide that. Her life had ended the moment she had taken that first step to run away. It was terrifying, but Madeline was going to have to find another life.

That night she slept in an inn a little off the main road in the hopes that no one would recognize her or that those who were looking for her would not find her. She was successful, luckily, but still spent a fretful night barely able to sleep out of fear that her father would burst into her room and drag her home by her hair.

She was back on the road the moment dawn hit, and she allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of riding once more. She still loved it, despite her fear since running away. With the wind in her hair and the beating of Persephone’s hooves, she felt like things might end up being okay. It also helped that she had entered territory where there wasn’t a remote chance of anyone knowing her, and her simple dress made her breeding hard to determine. She wanted to look like a simple woman out traveling on her own, and it seemed to be working just fine.

As she rode, she could detect a certain change in the air as she drew closer to the sea. The air had a salty tang that she could taste on her tongue, and she could almost hear the crashing of the waves despite the fact that she was most likely miles away still. She allowed her mind to drift to the plan she should have made long before she decided to run away.

Should she escape to the Continent? At the inn, she had counted what money she had left and knew it wasn’t enough to afford passage to France—or anywhere, for that matter—plus food until she figured out her next steps. Madeline knew that she wanted to travel sometime in the future, but she had to be smart about it. She had to land on her own two feet first.

The answer was simple: she would find a town, any town, and find a place to work there. The idea of actually working, earning the money that would help her live, was tremendously exciting for her. It was a destiny far from being a duchess, but it felt right.

The sun was high over her head when she and Persephone arrived at the sea. Well, more accurately, they arrived at a cliff overlooking the sea, and the cliff had a drop that was dizzyingly high. She stood at the edge of the cliff, or as close to the edge as she dared, and watched the waves crash on the rocks below. It did not take long before it began to scare her a bit, and she took a quick step back to give herself a little more distance.

There was something magical about the sea. As she stood and looked out at all of it, whatever doubts she had had about her life and about her choice felt as if they would melt away. Would she have ever seen such a sight if she had married Reginald?

Reginald. Of course, now her thoughts turned to Reginald. He had been left at the altar two days ago. She did feel a measure of regret for hurting the poor man. Reginald may not have been the man she was going to marry, but he definitely did not deserve such heartbreak.