Tender Wings of Desire(3)

“Thank you,” she replied dumbly. Was that all she had? Reginald smiled. His eyes were so kind, and yet the pit in Madeline’s stomach grew wider and wider. “You look nice too,” she added, cursing herself terribly for sounding like such a fool. He looked down at his plate, but Madeline could see the ghost of a smile on his lips. At least she could make him happy.

The rest of the dinner went without a hitch, with delicious food and lively conversation. Madeline never really knew how to conduct herself in situations like these, which only made her think about her role as a duchess even more.

Wouldn’t it be her job to host parties? To birth children? Wouldn’t she have to be charming in a perfectly wonderful yet unthreatening way? Did she want all of that?

Her fears grew and grew, until the moment her father tapped his knife against his wine glass and stood.

“I would like to thank our gracious hosts for a wonderful meal, and before we all begin dancing, I just wanted to announce the engagement of our dear daughter, Lady Madeline Parker, and the Duke of Sainsbury, Reginald Lewis…they will be married in the spring!”

A hush fell over the rather large table as everyone turned to look at the couple. Madeline could feel Victoria’s eyes on her, brimming with a sort of joyous envy and happiness. She felt Reginald beside her, beaming proudly. Madeline forced her expression into a smile.

The spring? It was already late February. Spring would arrive before she knew it. Suddenly the reality of it all came crashing down on her head. Reginald reached for her hand on top of the table, giving it a light squeeze that should have made her heart skip a beat, but instead just made her skin crawl.

She would not admit it then, but that was when her plan began to take shape.





CHAPTER THREE




She did not realize it was a plan until the night before her wedding. She was to be an April bride. Once she really thought about it, she was shocked to discover that she did not care which month it was. Victoria was the type to care about such things.

In fact, it seemed as though Victoria cared far more about Madeline’s wedding than Madeline did. She buzzed around happily, helping her plan almost every minute detail. Even when it was clear that Victoria was doing most of the planning—from the style of her lilac bridesmaid’s gown to the type of flowers that would decorate their house for the lunch that was to follow the ceremony—Madeline felt as though she were sleepwalking through all of the proceedings, and no one seemed to notice.

The night before the wedding, her family threw a little dinner party, inviting her fiancé and his family. Reginald was the eldest son of the Lewis family, but he boasted a younger brother and sister, twins, in fact, who were roughly Victoria’s age. Their names were Gemma and Gerald, and they seemed like two perfectly sweet people. Victoria had already decided that she was infatuated with Gerald, and that Gemmamust be her best friend. Madeline decided that no matter who those two ended up being, Victoria would feel the same way.

Gemma, to her credit, seemed only to have eyes for Winston, up from university to attend the wedding. She had a pretty decent eye; Winston was handsome in a strapping way, with brown curls similar to Madeline’s and their mother’s brown eyes. They twinkled now as he winked at Madeline from across the dinner table. Madeline had been able to maintain the ruse of happiness in front of everyone else, but Winston was always able to figure out when something was wrong with her.

Reginald, on the other hand, seemed completely oblivious as he discussed some business or other with Papa. She was so bored she could almost fall asleep, and Winston’s swift kick from under the table told her that, apparently, that was obvious.

“Where is the honeymoon planned?” Winston asked, attempting to steer the conversation into territory more people could participate in. Reginald gently dabbed his lips with a napkin before responding.

“I was considering going to London, perhaps. Maybe take some time in the country.”

Madeline had already been to London;shelived in the country. She at least thought her honeymoon could be spent somewhere interesting, but it seemed should would experience more of the same. Victoria considered the entire thing rapturously.

“How lovely,” she breathed. “A cottage in the country.”

It seemed very much like the life Madeline had been living so far, and while her life had been lovely, she could not shake the feeling that a window of opportunity was closing.

“What do you think, Maddie?” Winston asked, snapping her out of her self-pitying reverie. She reached for her wine glass.

“It sounds lovely,” she replied quietly. What else could she say? She was trapped on the rails and there was no escaping it. She cast her eyes down at her meal so she could not see the beseeching concern in her brother’s eyes.

After dinner, Mama ushered the Lewis family out, crowing about how it was poor luck for the groom to lay eyes on the bride the night before the wedding. Reginald gave her a timid goodbye and Madeline returned it, all the while trying to ignore that terrible feeling that still nagged at her stomach.

“Think of it,” Mama said happily. “Our eldest daughter, married to aduke!”

She turned to Victoria, who was still trying her best not to look envious. “Do not worry, my darling. As the sister of a duchess, your marriage prospects will certainly improve!”

This seemed to snap Victoria out of it. “Oh, Mama, do you truly believe so?”

Mama brushed an errant strand of blonde hair off of Victoria’s forehead. “I know so, my angel.”

Madeline thought she might throw up.

“I am going to be in the library reading,” she said a little too quickly before fleeing the parlor. As she walked down the hall, she could hear her mother’s tinkling laughter.

“Wedding jitters!” she crowed. “I know it well!”

But Madeline wasn’t sure if that was the case as she closed the library door behind her. She wasn’t sure what was wrong with her. This was every woman’s dream, wasn’t it? She was going to marry aduke, which was insanely advantageous for her family. Reginald was a decent sort, seemed kind, and was handsome, even if he did not give her the butterflies she had always dreamed of. What was she to do even if she did not want him? Scandalize the county? Break her mother’s heart?

“You do not have to go through with it, you know,” a voice said from the doorway. She started for a moment before looking up to see Winston, standing there with his arms folded, looking about as serious as she had ever seen him. She collapsed back into her chair.

“Says you.”

“I am serious, Maddie, you look like you are about to burst, and not with happiness like a bride should.”

“Are brides supposed to be bursting with happiness?” Madeline asked absentmindedly. “In this day and age? Perhaps those who marry for love…”

She hated admitting it, and the look on her brother’s face only seemed to highlight just how sad it all really was. He walked to her side and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, and she placed her hand over it, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“You do not have to marry him,” Winston said again. Madeline gave a little laugh.

“Little late for that, do you not think? Plus, not everyone marries for love.” She looked up at him with eyes that she hoped weren’t too challenging. “Do you honestly think that you will?”

The question seemed to embarrass Winston, and he looked away to gather his thoughts before speaking. “I hope to. I think we all hope to.”

“Victoria doesn’t,” Madeline said, trying not to sound jealous of her younger sister but knowing it was useless. Winston shook his head.

“I do not think Victoria actually knows one way or another what she wants, and she certainly does not understand what it all means,” he replied calmly. “She’ll figure it out one day, I suppose.”

“Or not. She seems the kind of lady who was born to be married.”

Winston chuckled. “No one isborn for that, not really. Come on, you have a big day tomorrow. I’ll walk you to bed.”

The two of them left the library, heading up the stairs into the ladies’ wing where Madeline’s room was. Once at her door, Winston lingered for a moment as though attempting to put together the correct thing to say.

“I am just saying, if you were to run off and…join the circus or something, I honestly would not blame you.”

Madeline laughed a bit, despite her surprise that he had guessed the very thing she had been dreaming of since the engagement was announced.

“Thanks, dear brother. I’ll be sure to write you if I do.”

Winston kissed her on the cheek in a brotherly manner before heading off to his room on the other side of the house. A little way down the hall, he stopped for a moment and turned back to look at her. There was something in his face, a sadness she could not fully understand, and it made her feel stranger than she had ever felt before.

“Good night, Maddie,” he said.

“Good night, Winston,” she replied.

And with that he disappeared down the hall. Madeline slipped into her room then, where Eliza, her lady’s maid, had already set out her nightclothes. Madeline looked at the lace and linen nightgown and felt something break inside of her. Waiting to help Madeline unlace her nightgown, Eliza stood prim and proper in her black-and-white uniform.