Surrender My Love(12)

“Cole, this is very different from a cheating girlfriend or—”

“Mackenna didn’t cheat on me.” He was surprised at how easily that truth came, when he hadn’t even shared as much with his family. But he was so drawn to Leesa, and the thought of her carrying around something that was obviously torturing her made his gut ache.

“Oh, well…”

“She wanted to,” he explained. “She wanted an open relationship, threesomes, and that’s not something I’ve ever been into.” He stepped closer to try to ease the shock on her face.

“But don’t all guys dream of that? Two women touching them, or watching two women make out? I thought that was every guy’s fantasy.”

“I don’t share well,” he said as he took her hand. He didn’t want to talk about Mackenna, or his past. He wanted to help her through whatever was weighing her down. “I don’t know what you were accused of, but there’s a difference between accused and convicted, and I’m here if you want to talk about it. I’d much rather talk than have you walk out of my life over how you think I might react.”

He searched her eyes and saw her resolve softening. He didn’t know why he felt this strongly about her so quickly, but it had been forever since he’d felt anything this powerful that he wasn’t about to let her go without trying.

“Give me a chance to hear you out. If you don’t like my reaction, you can walk away and never look back, knowing that whatever you share with me will go no further than this deck.”


***

LEESA HAD KNOWN the minute she woke up this morning that she had to be honest with Cole about her past before they went out rather than after, or even during, their date. The way her body reacted to him whenever he was near told her that even one date would bring them closer together. She wasn’t a glutton for punishment. She didn’t want to put herself in a position to be hurt again, and it wasn’t fair to keep something that had the power to taint his career from him.

Now, standing here with her hand in his, his eyes pleading with her for honesty, and his promise of understanding vibrating through her, she fought for the strength to follow through.

“Okay,” she finally managed. “But promise me that if I am honest with you, you’ll be honest with me, too. If you want nothing more to do with me, you have to let me know, regardless of whether you think it’ll hurt my feelings.”

He nodded. “I promise.”

They sat again, and Leesa drew her shoulders back, summoning the courage it had taken for her to get through the investigation. With her gut in a knot, she explained. “It’s a strange feeling to know that I moved away so no one would recognize me, only to find out that I’m not the type of person who can live a lie.”

“That says a lot about you.” Cole reached for her hand again and she let him hold it for a few seconds, but her nerves were frayed. Even though he seemed understanding now, that didn’t mean he would remain so after he heard the rest of the story. Rather than make him uncomfortable, or feel stuck, by holding her hand, she slid hers from his grip and rubbed her hands together.

“Thank you. Okay, well, here goes. In Towson, I taught seventh-grade English, and I loved it. I taught at the same school ever since I first became certified, and I got to know the kids really well. You know, kept up with older siblings when younger ones entered my classes and all that. I had a great group of peers, a wonderful principal, and all in the town where I grew up. In the middle school I had attended.”

He smiled and said, “You returned to your roots, the same way I have.”

“Well, I never left. I went to Towson State, too.” She held his gaze, fighting everything inside her that was telling her to shut her big mouth and keep it to herself. She fought the edginess that made her want to bolt down the stairs and up to Tegan’s house and hide there until Cole had forgotten she’d ever shown up. But the hardest fight of all was the fear that when she came clean, Cole would thank her for being honest and then tell her it was best to sever ties and go their separate ways. She thought she’d prepared herself for that before coming over this morning, but now stone-cold fear filled her chest and prickled her skin.

She tried to push that fear aside, but the shakiness in her limbs told her it wasn’t going to budge. One look at his thoughtful gaze, and she knew he was worth the risk. She forced herself to tell him the truth.

“One of my students was in a terrible accident. He’d been hit by a car. It left him with two broken legs, broken ribs, a fractured hip, a fractured hand, and the worst part? It left him angry and bitter, and for a while I was concerned that he was going to try to…” Her eyes filled again, and she blinked the tears away. “I was afraid he was going to do something tragic.”

Cole took her hand in his again and gave it a comforting squeeze. “Losing the ability to walk is hard for adults and children, but at that age, when kids are on the cusp of finding themselves, I think it’s particularly stressful.”

“Yes. It’s good to talk to someone who understands. He has a really overbearing father who pushes him all the time. The type of parent who called the school every other week because his son, Andy, wasn’t getting A’s. His grades weren’t great, but he was a smart kid. I offered to come to his home and tutor him so he wouldn’t fall behind the other kids, at least not in English class. And, to be honest, I was worried about him. Emotionally, I mean. He was stuck inside most of the time, using a wheelchair because his injuries made it difficult for him to maneuver a walker or crutches—although he tried to use them.”

“You did what any good teacher would do,” Cole said. “Healing wounds has a lot to do with healing emotions, too.”

“I thought so.” She sighed with relief. “You’d be surprised, though. His father continued to push him, even with the injuries. It was like his father saw his injuries as an excuse Andy might use to get bad grades or something, so instead of showing empathy for his son, he basically ignored the injuries. And his mother is this meek woman whom I’ve never heard say more than a handful of words to anyone. Meanwhile, Andy’s getting angrier and more evasive with his father each day, but he’s working really hard to keep his grades up. I was proud of his efforts.”

“It sounds like he was lucky to have you as a teacher,” Cole said with a serious tone.

“Maybe, but you don’t know the bad part yet, and that’s the part that either makes people hate me or hate Andy, and honestly, I should tell you before I reveal what happened that I don’t really blame him, at least not the way other people do.”

Cole smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, and she wondered if he was reserving judgment. He rubbed his thumb soothingly over her knuckles and said, “You’re doing a good job of preparing me, but I’ve seen so much in my life, Leesa. I doubt you’re going to say anything that will shock me.”

She looked up at the sky and said, “Oh, you’d be surprised.”

“Try me.”

He kept his grip on her hand, and for the life of her she didn’t want to pull away. Maybe this was all they’d ever have. One kiss and a little hand-holding. A few minutes together on his deck, sitting in the sun with the sea at her back and the scent of warm coffee and Cole surrounding her.

She took a moment to revel in that before continuing to open the window to her past.

“One afternoon when I showed up for Andy’s session, he was acting nervous, not looking me in the eye, and fidgeting a lot. I could tell something was on his mind, and I thought maybe his father had said something unkind to him.”

“Did his father ever hurt him physically?”

“No, at least not that I knew of. He’s just a very gruff man. Cold and determined, but I think he loves Andy. And, you know, everyone has their difficult days, and I can only imagine the strain it put on the family, dealing with his injuries. I think they were all under pressure.”

Cole’s jaw clenched repeatedly. His hand tightened around hers. “Go on.”

She looked at him for a long moment before speaking, trying to figure out the best way to explain how things unfolded, but she knew that no matter what words she used, the end result was the same, so she just let it flow.

“That day, he told me he had a crush on me.”

Cole raised his brows. “That probably happens often enough that it’s not abnormal. We see it at every level, the nurses, docs, therapists. He’s relying on you. It’s not uncommon to see misplaced emotions.”

“Yes, and my first thought was that it was cute and normal, and I smiled, you know, while I tried to piece together an appropriate response. I could see that he was anxiously awaiting my reply, so I said that it was very nice of him and that I was flattered, but I was way too old for him and that one day he’d find the perfect girl who was just his age.”

“That’s a reasonable response.”

“Yes, or so I thought. But of course, I’m not a twelve-year-old boy who had his heart set on me telling him I was just as in love with him as he was with me.”

Cole sat back and ran a hand through his hair. He blew out a breath and nodded. “How did he react?”