Safe and Sound(69)

The lady from Social Services, Alice Jones, met them at the sidewalk with a somber expression. Her blond hair was pinned back, her black glasses and white skirt jacket suit giving her a professional look.

Just like that Lola was shivering, her breaths coming out ragged and quick. Today was the day the judge made a decision about Bob. She both dreaded and eagerly anticipated the outcome.

“Hello, Lola. Blair.”

Blair pulled off her gardening gloves and put a hand on Lola’s back, offering silent support.

“Hi,” Lola barely got out.

“I have news.”

Lola wanted to blurt to get on with it, but manners kept her quiet, though she was sure an impatient expression was on her face. That she couldn’t help.

Bob had been sentenced to ten years in prison, with possible parole after five. Lola stood there, not sure how to feel. She wasn’t happy or sad or upset. Lola just felt…relief. It was over. It was finally over.

Alice said a few more things, shook her hand, and went on her way.

Lola stood there, staring at the spot Alice had been moments ago.

“Are you okay, Lola?”

“I…don’t know. I don’t really feel anything.” Her eyes met her aunt’s. “Is that normal?”

Blair smiled softly and brushed hair from her face. “Whatever you feel is normal.”

***

She kept thinking of her mother. That was what plagued her more than anything, kept her from completely healing. Most of the time, she was okay. Most of the time, Lola didn’t think of her. But sometimes, when she did, she was struck motionless with pain. Other times it wasn’t so bad.

Times like this, when she was alone, were the worst. That’s when all the questions and doubts and fear and betrayal came forth, threatened to overwhelm her. Lola’s emotions were so conflicted.

If she just knew. If she just knew why maybe she’d finally be able to put it past her for good.

She missed her. Lola wondered how she was doing. She wondered when she would see her again and what she would say when she did; what she would feel.

Lola sat on her bed, staring at the framed 4 X 6 photograph. It was of her and her mother, taken when she was two by her father. Blair had given it to her; a piece of her father was now in her possession. He’d looked at this picture, he’d touched it. She brought it to her lips and kissed the cool glass.

Her eyes were fixed on the image; the way her mother’s blue eyes sparkled with life, the way she hugged Lola to her. In the picture Lola was looking at Lana, her profile in view, mouth open as she laughed.

A tear fell from her eye, dropped to her mother’s face, blurred it.

She wanted nothing more than to see Jack, to have his arms around her. But Jack was at summer school, working on getting his G.E.D. and when he was done there, he had to work.

Lola was alone to deal with her sorrow. Maybe that was the way it had to be.

A memory tickled her mind, fought to the surface.

Lola sat still, letting it take over. It was her mother. She was holding Lola in her arms, rocking her and caressing her hair. Lola closed her eyes, inhaling a scent long forgotten and close to her heart. Cookies and cake and love. Safety, security.

Mom.

A haunting melody swept over her, the voice soft and sure. Lola recognized the song as ‘Brahms Lullaby’. A sense of awe swept over her, tingled her scalp. Lola opened her eyes and took a deep breath, feeling something like peace hum through her.

Lana used to sing to Lola when she was sad or troubled. Infinite melancholy washed over her, but it was also cleansing. Finally, she had something to hang on to; a piece of the mother from her childhood to cling to.

One day, Lola would get the answers she sought. Or not. Sometimes there were no answers, just like Jack had said. For now, though, she simply had to have faith. It would have to be enough.

She would heal. In time.

Lola smiled; she was going to be okay.





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