Out of The Dark (The Grey Wolves #4)(27)

Jen was hurting and her body was desperately fighting to sink back into oblivion, but with the help of Decebel's blood, she was able to hold off the compulsion. She watched in utter disbelief as a tear escaped Decebel's eye. His jaw clenched and though he looked vulnerable, nothing about him looked weak or any less threatening.
He continued to stroke her hand as he talked. "I need you to remind me who I am." Decebel met her eyes, knowing the next words out of his mouth were going to be difficult ones.
"They...they know what will break the curse."
Jen's eyes widened. "Then why are sitting here discussing me somehow trying to fill in your memories?"
"Because love is what breaks the curse." Decebel watched as Jennifer's breath became shallow. He didn't want to hurt her, it was the last thing on earth he wanted. His wolf was angry that he was causing her pain and pushing at him to give him control. "I want to love you, Jennifer. I want to love you more than anything. But wanting it and doing it are not the same when it comes to the curse. I look at you and I feel something. You draw me in and I long to be near you – not just my wolf, me, the man longs to be close to you."
Jen was shaking while she listened to the man she loved more than anything tell her he didn't love her. Oh, he wants to love her, well loddie-freaking-dah. She wants to get up off the damn bed and hit him with a 2x4, but, as she always says, wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one fills up first.
She didn't realize she had tuned him out until she heard “Blood Rites” and “break the curse” in the same sentence.
"Wait, excuse me, say that again?"
Decebel took a deep breath. It was obvious he was getting frustrated. "I said, Vasile thinks that if we perform the Blood Rites it will pull the veiled emotions to the forefront. And it's the only thing that will save your life. Your wolf needs her mate. She's no longer dormant, and when the bond was severed between us, the darkness in me reached across to you. You won't live just on my blood, Jennifer."
The pain that was tightening Jen's chest began to turn to anger and disbelief at Vasile's suggestion.
"He wants us to bond because he thinks it will break the curse? Really? Are you freaking
kidding me?" She didn't even bother with the whole saving her life bit, she wasn't going to touch that with a fifty foot pole.
Decebel was taken aback by the venom in her voice.
"You're my mate. Why wouldn't we bond?"
Jen looked at him in disbelief. Decebel turned his head as he ran his hand through his hair. It was then that Jen saw the markings on Decebel's neck. Markings that hadn't been there before. She reached up slowly, grinding her teeth against the pain, and gripped his chin, turning his head even more so she could get a good look.
"Your markings changed?"
Decebel smiled the heart-stopping grin that always made her want to crawl up in his lap and purr. By the slight smirk on his beautiful face, it was obvious he knew the effect it was having on her whether he remembered her or not.
"Yes, they changed."
Jen nearly jumped, then groaned at the hurt it caused, as Decebel reached for the hem of her shirt and began to raise it. Her eyes widened as she saw the markings – identical to Decebel's – running along her right side, starting below the waist of her sweats and continuing up. Without conscious thought to what she might be showing Decebel, she continued to pull up her shirt to look at the markings as they traveled up to just beside her right breast. Jen didn't realize Decebel had been tracing the marks with his finger until he caught himself and cleared his throat. He took her shirt from her and pulled it back down.She didn't know what to say. Part of her was happy beyond belief, part of her was ticked off that it happened while her mate didn't have a clue who the bloody hell she was, and still another part of her was pissed because of the location.
"Why did it have to be there?" she groaned.
Decebel narrowed his eyes in confusion. "Why does it bother you to be on your side?"
"Fane freaks out anytime someone sees Jacque's marks."
"As he should," Decebel growled.
"Oh, keep your panties on, Decebel. I'm ticked because I imagine, if you ever remember me, that you will be even worse than Fane about it. Which means I no longer get to wear bikinis. So, so not cool. Do you know how old a one piece is going to make me look?"
Decebel was shaking his head at her when he spoke. "You just found out that we have yet another confirmation that we are mates, and you're concerned about bathing suits?"
"You'll get used to it," Jen said absently. She closed her eyes briefly, trying to gather her strength.
"You need to rest," Decebel told her, his words a command.
Jen opened her eyes and cut them up at him without moving her head. "I will rest after I have said my peace."
"Are you always this unreasonable?"
"No," Jen smiled sweetly, "usually I'm worse." She held his stare – something only Vasile was allowed do. "I won't bond with you." She ignored the growl coming from Decebel's chest. "I won't perform the Blood Rites with a man who doesn't even remember me. If I understand correctly from Jacque, the act of performing the Blood Rites is even more intimate than sex."
"You are my mate." Decebel was trying to keep his calm, he didn't want to scare her. "You bear my marks, we share a mental bond, my wolf knows you, and you love me."
His last words were a slap in Jen's face.
" I love my Decebel, MINE! You are not him. So don't you dare try to use my love as leverage to get what you want."
"I want YOU!" Decebel stood up from the bed and was fighting the phase. His eyes were glowing bright amber. "You are mine, Jennifer, and if the Blood Rites are what will save your life, then that is what we will do."
"I'm not a bloody possession, wolf. And if I were, I sure as hell wouldn't belong to someone who doesn't know who I am." Jen hated that there were tears running down her cheeks, hated that someone had that much power over her.
"You act as if it's my fault that I don't remember you. I wouldn't have been cursed if you hadn't asked me to save your friends. I let you talk me into leaving you, my mate, to die. You must make me weak if I would leave you to that fate. I can't imagine choosing anyone over my mate, ever." 
Jen's mouth had dropped open when Decebel had said she made him weak; he had spit it out like it was disgusting. Her hands were balled into fists and she thought she might break a tooth from clenching her jaw so tight. But he wasn't done. He obviously felt like he hadn't stomped on her heart enough.
Decebel knelt down on her side of the bed, getting within inches of her face. He was shaking with rage as he grit his words out.
"I won't give you up. I won't go back to a lonely, dark existence. I won't let your selfishness take your life from me, take my mate from me. I don’t remember how we were before, maybe I gave into your every whim, maybe I cowered under your obviously Alpha nature, but no more. I am your mate, it is my job to protect you – even from yourself."
Jen could hardly breathe as she listened to Decebel, her mate, her love, dictate to her and call her selfish and completely disregard her feelings. She was about to tell him to get the hell out of her room, without hitting him. But he just couldn't leave it at that. He had to continue to be an asshole dominant who thought everyone should bow to him.
"I may never be the man I was before the curse, I may never be the man you loved, and I may never love you. But fate gave you to me and we will learn to make the best of it."
Nothing on earth, not her weakness or pain, not the blood she could feel beginning to flow from her nose and ears, not even her love for this wolf could have stopped her.
Jen pulled her hand back and slapped Decebel as hard as she could across his face, a face that she longed to look at for the rest of her life. She shook as tears poured from her eyes. She could hardly see as she reared back and slapped his stunned face again. He just knelt there, the shock of her actions still not penetrating his mind.
"GET OUT! GET THE HELL OUT NOW! I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN!" Jen took a deep breath as she leaned forward and tried to push Decebel away. She screamed as she felt a sharp pain in her side, like a knife sliding into her. She was trying to talk around the gurgling in her throat – she realized blood was bubbling up from her stomach.
She was gasping for breath as she tried yelling again, but it only came out in a weak broken voice. "Don't come back." She looked him dead in the eyes when she spoke her last words before she passed out. "I don't want you."
Decebel reached for Jennifer as her body fell forward. Her blood once again soaked his shirt. As he held his mate in his arms, he realized he had gone too far. He had been the selfish one and now he'd possibly lost her for good.
Chapter 18
His heart began to squeeze in his chest and breathing became difficult – Decebel didn't even notice when the door flew open with a bang and the room began to fill with people.
"What the hell happened to her?"
Jacque and the others had just arrived in the house when they heard the screaming. At first Vasile told everyone to wait, that it wouldn't be wise to interrupt them, especially if Decebel wasn't in control of his wolf. But as soon as the yelling stopped, Jacque had had enough. With Fane on her heels, she burst in the room just in time to see her best friend slump forward, blood pouring from all sorts of areas where blood should definitely not be pouring from.