Loving Jack(33)

While Grace watched helplessly, Jack's struggle lessened. The fists  pushing at Matthew's chest gave up the fight. His sounds of angry denial  became a moan of acceptance. Jack's hands moved up to Matthew's face to  hold him close. He was kissing the other man back now. It was a  passionate kiss of lovers who knew each other well. Something inside of  Grace shattered. Something broke that could never be put back together.  She had to leave. She'd seen enough. Matthew was right, Jack did still  love him. It was all there for her to see. There was longing in that  kiss. It wasn't just about a physical act. It was about two people  finding each other again, finding love again, as well.         

     



 

Matthew backed Jack into the pillar he'd punched just moments ago. He  pressed their bodies together and Jack moaned again. They were fitted  intimately together from chest to hips. Matthew's hands slid under  Jack's shirt and pushed it upward. Their kiss was broken only long  enough for the shirt to be pulled over Jack's head and carelessly  discarded. The men loved each other's mouths fiercely with tongues  tangling and teeth nipping. Two sets of masculine hands roamed and  groped in a fit of passion.

Grace knew her dream of a future with Jack had just come to a screeching  halt. Just moments ago she'd been so hopeful. Her heart, that useless  organ in her chest, shattered for the second time in her life. Both  times were courtesy of the same beautiful man and this time she wouldn't  be able to move on and try to forget him.

The tears began to flow then. One hand covered her mouth to keep the  anguished scream building in her chest from escaping. The other caressed  her belly, as if she were soothing the child she now carried. She heard  footsteps behind her and remembered Rachel was still waiting for them  to come out for her bags.

"I was afraid to come in," Rachel said with a nervous chuckle. "I figured Jack had you naked on the sofa already."

Grace knew the moment Rachel saw the scene unfolding out back. Both men  were now shirtless and quite engrossed in exploring ridged muscles and  firm lips. Rachel gasped loudly and cursed.

"Son of a bitch!"

With the sliding door open and only the screen separating indoors from  outdoors, Rachel's oath drew Jack's attention. He was willingly wrapped  in Matthew's loving, if aggressive, arms when his eyes met Grace's.  There was no stopping the flood of mournful tears tracking down her  face. Disbelief mingled with horror on Jack's face. He looked up at  Matthew who was also peering into the deeper shadows of the house now.  Jack came back to Grace, but Matthew hadn't released him and it didn't  look like he was going to anytime soon. That was just as well. Grace was  leaving.

"I need to borrow your van," Grace told Rachel in a broken sob. Rachel  immediately held out her keys to Grace without question. Storm clouds of  anger and disappointment filled Rachel's eyes as she looked at her best  friend and business partner.

"Please, drive safely. You're very upset and reasonably so."

Grace snatched the keys and mumbled a quick, "Thank you," before she  took off. Jack was going to want to talk to her. He'd want to let her  down easy. Grace would splinter completely if he said one kind word to  her. She didn't need his apologies or words of regret. She'd seen all  she needed to see. It'd been foolish of her to suppose she could make  Jack happy. She should have listened to her instincts.

Grace stumbled on the last step and sprawled on the pavers. She  scrambled to her feet and jogged to the street trying to ignore the  stinging of her palms and knees.

"Grace!" Jack bellowed from his porch but Grace kept going.

The sound of his pounding footsteps approaching didn't stop her either.  She would much rather be alone for the impending total breakdown she  knew was coming fast. Grace made it to the minivan and tugged on the  door. It opened an inch before it was slammed shut.

Grace was caged in by Jack's strong arms. He had both of his big strong  hands on the window. He was breathing hard behind her. His hot breath  sifted through her hair. She looked at the hands before her. They were  strong and elegant. They knew every inch of her body. When she saw them  now all she could think about was how they'd looked when Jack had been  rubbing them all over Matthew's body. Or the loving way they'd held  Matthew's face while they kissed.

Jack put his forehead on her shoulder. One of his arms wrapped around  her waist. If it was possible, she stiffened further, feeling like her  spine would snap. Having him touch her now was painful. She just wanted  to go.

"I'm sorry, Grace." Jack kissed the side of her head.

"So am I." He had no idea how much.

"Please come inside and talk to me. Baby, please don't leave like this."

"There's nothing to talk about. I saw enough. I just want to leave now."  She had no idea where she was going to go, but getting away from where  she was would have to do for now.

"So what, you're just going to walk away, again?" Accusation rang in his  tone. Grace turned around and pushed against his chest with everything  she had.

"Are you saying this is my fault? Was I getting naked with someone else? Don't you dare blame me!" she shouted at him.

"I'm not blaming you." He ran a hand through his hair in frustration and  looked at the ground. When he looked back to her, tears swam in his  eyes. "What I'm saying is I love you and I don't want you to leave."         

     



 

"You love me, do you? Tell me, Jackson," she mimicked Matthew, "what  exactly would you be doing now if you hadn't been interrupted?" They  both knew the answer. "At the moment I'm not feeling the love."

Guilt and sorrow were etched into Jack's features. There wasn't really  any good response to that question. Grace looked away. Seeing his hurt  was too much. She couldn't allow herself to feel sorry for him. That's  when she noticed that Matthew had followed Jack when he pursued her. He  looked torn between dragging Jack away and jumping on his motorcycle and  never turning back. He looked back and forth between Jack and her. It  dawned on Grace that Rachel had seen that bike parked out front when  they arrived and knew Jack wasn't alone. Rachel appeared a few yards  down the sidewalk looking like she wanted to be the mom she was and step  in to make it all better. Sadly, there was no way to fix this problem.

"Sometimes, love isn't enough, Jack," she told him sadly. "Love didn't  stop you from straying just now. Or was it love, your true love that  made you forget me in the space of a kiss?"

Now Jack was the one shifting his eyes between Matthew and her. He was  so torn. His heart was there in his eyes and that heart didn't know  which way to turn. She feared his sense of honor was about to make him  say something he would forever regret. No matter what happened between  Jack and Matthew, Grace could never be with Jack again.

Grace believed to her core that a relationship that wasn't built on a  strong foundation of trust couldn't survive. It wouldn't matter how hard  or how long she tried, Grace would never forget this day. Insecurities  from the past were still haunting her. Now that she'd seen the truth of  Jack's feelings for Matthew, she'd never be able to trust him with her  heart again. It was too late for them.

"I do love you, Jack, too much to brush this under the rug and pretend I can't see exactly how much you love Matthew."

"But Grace, I love you, too." He stepped forward to wrap his arms around  her and she allowed it. She let him hold her this one last time. Just  for a moment.

"That just isn't enough for me."

Jack was crying openly. She suspected he'd realized there really was  nothing left to say. Grace had never believed it was possible to truly  love two people at once. Just now, she believed it was. Jack's heart was  truly torn and Grace refused to settle for only half.

Rachel squeezed by them to pick up the keys Grace didn't remember  dropping. She climbed into the driver's seat and waited quietly.

"I have to go now, Jack." It was plea for mercy.

The longer she stood there the harder it would be to leave. He didn't  argue. Jack let her go in slow degrees. First he lifted his head from  the top of hers. Then he slowly separated their chests followed by  releasing her with one hand and a long moment later the other. He  watched her face the whole time and neither of them tried to hide their  pain. Grace looked over Jack's shoulder to Matthew's equally pained  face.

"I hope you've finally found what you need." Grace swallowed hard,  tasting the bitterness of longing and loss on her tongue. Luke's words  came back to her then. "Be happy, Jack. That's all I've ever wanted for  you. Just be happy."





****





Four months later . . .





Grace was propped up in her bed in the maternity ward at the University  of Washington Medical Center. Three sets of eyes watched her in silence.  When she and Jack parted, Grace had been roughly five weeks pregnant.  There was a solid chance that her son had been conceived in the alley  behind a bar.