Loving Jack(25)

"Are you ready for this? I haven't changed my mind, Jack. I want  monogamy. Unless you think you can handle me sleeping with other men  too?" Grace had absolutely no intention of being with anyone else. They  would be monogamous or they wouldn't be together. Jack stiffened and  rolled on top of her, glowering down at her. She knew he'd react this  way. He was already jealous of Luke, and Luke had never been more than a  friend.

"No-fucking-body is touching you but me," he growled. "You got that?"

"I got it." She grinned. "As long you can promise me the same fidelity."

"You're fucking baiting me and I'm trying to be serious. This isn't a game." He was really angry. That pissed her off.

"I'm being serious, too, Jack! Do you think I like the idea of not being  enough for you?" She pushed him off of her and rolled out of the bed.  She needed to leave before this turned ugly. Maybe she wasn't ready to  let go of the past. Her emotions were all over the charts. One minute  she was ready to move on, the next she was caught in the past and  terrified of getting hurt again.

She found her dress in the bathroom and slid it over her head after  ripping off Jack's t-shirt. He stood in the doorway watching her, his  shorts were slung low on his hips and she tried not to notice how  fucking sexy that was. It just pissed her off more that she couldn't  even look at him without thinking of sex. His chest was slightly heaving  with agitation.         

     



 

"Most of all, do you think I would ever want to deprive you of a single  ounce of happiness? I need you to be really sure, Jack. I believe that  you love me, I really do. But will that be enough for you? I'm terrified  that one day you'll resent me, hate me even, for making you choose."  She pushed past him and hunted for her shoes.

"I'm not a fucking confused kid anymore, Grace. I know you don't  understand what life is like for a young bisexual person, but let me  clue you in. It's like loving both chocolate and vanilla ice cream. It's  okay to have both for a while, but one day you will have to choose and  after you pick one flavor over the other, that's it for the rest of your  life. Once you've committed to chocolate you can never, ever have  vanilla again. I wasn't ready to choose when I was only twenty-one. I  had so much life to live."

Grace was staring at him from the opposite side of the bed. "You do know  that it's no different for straight people, right? Once you commit you  can never dip your spoon into another quart of ice cream, no matter the  flavor. I understand that you weren't ready seven years ago. That isn't  the issue here. I also know that you were ready six months ago. Matthew  held your heart. So forgive me if vanilla feels a little unsure about  her security when you should have been married to chocolate by now. I  just want you to be sure, Jack, because I love you too much to survive  losing you again."

Jack's chest was really heaving now. He didn't like being challenged. He  never had. He was the steamroller. He told you how things were going to  be and you were supposed to accept it and follow his direction.

"Do you want to know how ready, how fucking sure I am, Grace?" He  stomped over to a door on the far wall and flung it open. His grumbling  and cursing was muffled once he stepped inside what looked like a huge  closet. "I can't believe you're ruining this. You just have to be  contrary. This really pisses me off."

Grace stuck her head in the closet to see what the hell he was doing.  Inside the closet in the rear there was a safe built into the floor.  Jack was on his knees fiddling with the combination. "It never takes me  more than once to open this safe! That's how fucking crazy you make me!"  he turned his head and saw her standing there so she stepped inside. He  took a deep breath and tried the lock again. It popped open. He stuck  his hand in and pulled something out before shutting the safe's door and  spinning the dial. He hopped to his feet in one smooth motion and  turned to face her.

"I'm so angry with you right now." Something she said had pushed him  beyond his ability to remain cool. "You have completely ruined this."

Grace's heart shuddered. Okay. So he wasn't willing to be monogamous  with a woman, not even her, the one he said he loved. It was better that  she knew now. Walking away again would be hard, but she knew she  couldn't share him with the same certainty he knew he couldn't be  faithful. That's what all that chocolate and vanilla talk had been  about. He was trying to help her accept his bisexual needs. She did  accept it and she'd never faulted him or anyone for their sexuality. She  just couldn't be the woman in his life if he needed more than her. It  wouldn't matter to her if it was a woman or a man. She just wouldn't  share. She wasn't built that way. She just wasn't.

"I understand," she said and turned away before he saw the tears  building. "I'll just go now. There's no need to say anymore." She didn't  want to hear his rejection.

"Don't you dare walk away from me again, Grace Yates." Jack's voice was  quiet but commanding. Grace turned around. She was such a fool for this  man. "I didn't want to go into this yet, but it seems you need the whole  story up front or this argument will never end."

"I wasn't arguing," she disagreed but Jack's hard look shut her down.

"Yes, I did love Matthew. I would never deny that. When he asked me to  marry him I hesitated to say yes, because as much I loved him, I still  had you in my heart. I never stopped loving you, and I'm truly sorry I  never admitted it to you." He sighed. "Matthew and I broke up the day  before he was supposed to move in."

Grace already knew this from her talk with Rachel. She was desperately  trying to be open minded, but it was hard when Jack was talking about  the man he'd loved enough to marry, the man he was ready and willing to  commit his spoon to forever.

"I asked Matthew how long he would want to wait before we looked into  adopting. I want a family, so I thought after a few years of marriage we  would start the process." Jack looked at the floor between Grace's  feet. Her heart clinched. Jack had wanted a family with Matthew. Of  course, he did. That's what married people did, right?         

     



 

"Matthew freaked out. He's gay. He had it rough when he was young. You  look at him and you see this big, badass biker. The tattoos and the  facial hair are armor for him. If you look like a threat people tend to  leave you alone. Inside he's the most loving, generous human being I've  ever met." A wistful look washed over Jack's face, like he was  remembering countless good deeds done by his badass biker.

"Anyway, he didn't want to have children. He refused to put a kid  through the trauma of being raised by gay parents. His family's  rejection of him and the bullying he lived with in his youth was an  unsurmountable obstacle. He wouldn't give, and neither would I. So we  ended it."

"I'm so sorry." She meant that. She hated to see the hurt in Jack's  eyes. And she was truly sorry that Matthew was still haunted by  prejudice and hate. No one should be persecuted for simply being who  they are.

"I think you needed to hear that. I'd planned to do this all very  differently and not for another few months, but as usual, you are a  challenge." He was still glaring. "Matthew and I are done. That part of  my life is over. The only other person I've ever loved is you, Grace.  You want me to be sure about my feelings for you? Okay. I was so sure  that I couldn't lose you again after I kissed you on Monday that I  dropped you off at the office and started making plans. I wanted to give  you time to decide you wanted to be here, but after that kiss I was  sure you would want to be here with me."

Grace glared at him. He really was a fucking steamroller. Arrogant jerk  that he was, she still loved him. His scowl finally faded and he gave  her that heart-stopping grin that always got him his way. Grace felt her  heart melt. He continued.

"I'm remodeling the house," he informed her and gestured widely to  encompass the house. Grace was confused. What did that have to do with  her? And the house was perfect! Why would he want to change it? "I need  you to be here when I meet with the contractor and decorator. I want  this house to be just the way you like it from top to bottom. I was  walking down the street after I took you to Artifex on Monday. My mind  was racing with thoughts of you and how I was going to keep my hands to  myself until you made a decision. I passed a jeweler downtown. There was  this piece of art in the window and I knew it had to be yours. Then it  dawned on me. I need you to be mine forever." Jack went down in one knee  at her feet. Grace's mouth was definitely hanging open when Jack  produced the item he'd dug out of his safe. He opened the blue box and  presented her with a cushion cut canary yellow diamond ring. The huge  center stone was circled by little clear white diamonds. It was  breathtaking.