His Final Bargain(8)

This could have been our child.

The thought of never having a child of her own was something that  grieved and haunted her. All of her life she had craved a family of her  own. Becoming engaged to Ewan when she was only nineteen had been part  of her plan to create a solid family base. She hadn't wanted to wait  until she was older. She had planned to get married and have children  while she was young, to build the secure base she had missed out on.

But life had a habit of messing with one's carefully laid out plans.

There was a part cry, part murmur from the cot. 'Mamma?'

Eliza felt a hand grasp at her heart at that plaintive sound. 'It's all  right, Alessandra,' she said as she stroked the little girl's silky head  again. 'Shh, now, go back to sleep.'

The child's little hand found hers and she curled her fingers around two  of hers although she didn't appear to be fully awake. Her eyes were  still closed, those thick lashes resting against her pale cheeks like  miniature fans. After a while her breathing evened out and her little  body relaxed on a sigh that tugged again at Eliza's heartstrings.

She looked at the tiny fingers that were clinging to hers. How tragic  that one so young had lost her mother. Who would she turn to as she grew  through her childhood into her teens and then as a young woman-nannies  and carers and a host of lovers that came and went in Leo's life? What  sort of upbringing would that be? Eliza knew what it was like to be  handed back and forth like a parcel nobody wanted. All her life she had  tried to heal the wound the death of her mother had left. Of feeling  that it was her fault her mother had died. Would it be the same for  little Alessandra? Feeling guilty that she was somehow the cause of her  mother giving up on life? Of constantly seeking to fill the aching void  in her soul?

There was a sound from the door and Eliza turned and saw Leo standing  there watching her with an unreadable expression on his face. 'Where's  Laura, the agency girl?' he asked.

'I think she's having a shower. I was just going past and I-'

'You're not on duty until the morning.'

Eliza didn't care for being reprimanded for doing something that came as  naturally to her as breathing. Sleeping children needed checking on.  Distressed children needed comforting. She raised her chin at him. 'Your  daughter seemed restless. She called out to her mother. I comforted her  back to sleep.'

Something moved through his eyes, a rapid flash of pain that was painful  to witness. 'Marella is waiting to dish up dinner.' He held open the  door for her in a pointed fashion. 'I'll see you downstairs.'                       
       
           



       

'She looks like you.' The words were out before Eliza could stop them.

It was a moment or two before he spoke. 'Yes … ' His expression remained  inscrutable but she sensed an inner tension that he seemed at great  pains to keep hidden.

She swallowed against the tide of regret that rose in her throat. If  things had been different they would both be leaning over that cot as  the proud, devoted parents of that gorgeous little girl. They might have  even had another baby on the way by now. The family she had longed for,  the family she had dreamed about for most of her life could have been  hers but for that one fateful night that had changed the entire course  of her life.

'Mamma?'

Eliza swung her gaze to the cot where Alessandra had now pulled herself  upright, her little dimpled hands clinging to the rail. She rubbed at  one of her eyes with a little fisted hand. 'I want Mamma,' she whimpered  as her chin started to wobble.

Eliza went over to the cot and picked up the little toddler and cuddled  her close. 'I'm not your mummy but I've come to take care of you for a  little while,' she said as she stroked the child's back in a soothing  and rhythmic manner.

Alessandra tried to wriggle away. 'I want Kathleen.'

'Kathleen had to go and see her family,' Eliza said, rocking her gently from side to side. 'She'll be back before you know it.'

'Where's Papà?' Alessandra asked.

'I'm here, mia piccolo.' Leo's voice was gentle as he placed his hand on his daughter's raven-black head.

The base of Eliza's spine quivered at his closeness. She could smell his  citrus-based aftershave; she could even smell the fabric softener that  clung to the fibres of his shirt. Her senses were instantly on high  alert. Her left shoulder was within touching distance of his chest. She  could feel the solid wall of him just behind her. She was so tempted to  lean against the shelter of his body. It had been so long since she had  felt someone put their arms around her and hold her close.

'I wetted the bed,' Alessandra said sheepishly.

Eliza could feel the dampness against her arm where the little tot's  bottom was resting. She glanced up at Leo, who gave her a don't-blame-me  look. 'She refuses to wear a nappy to bed,' he said.

'I'm too big for nappies,' Alessandra announced with a cute little pout  of her rosebud mouth, although her deep-set eyes were still half closed.  'I'm a big girl now.'

'I'm sure you are,' Eliza said. 'But even big girls need a bit of help  now and again, especially at night. Maybe you could wear pull-ups for a  while. They're much more grown-up. I've seen some really cool ones with  little pink kittens on them. I can get some for you if you like.'

Alessandra plugged a thumb in her mouth by way of answer. It seemed this  was one little Munchkin who was rather practised in getting her own  way.

'Let's get you changed, shall we?' Eliza said as she carried the little  girl to the changing table in the corner of the nursery. 'Do you want  the pink pyjamas or the blue ones?'

'I don't know my colours,' Alessandra said from around her thumb.

'Well, maybe I can teach you while I'm here,' Eliza said.

'You'd be wasting your time,' Leo said.

Eliza glanced at him with a reproving frown. Little children should not  be exposed to negative messages about their capacity to learn. It could  set up a lifelong pattern of failure. 'Pardon?' she said.

'My daughter will never learn her colours.'

'That's ridiculous,' she said. 'Why ever not?'

He gave her a grim look. 'Because she is blind.'





CHAPTER FOUR


ELIZA BLINKED AT him in shock.

Blind?

Her heart clanged against her ribcage like a pendulum struck by a sledgehammer.

Alessandra was blind?

Her emotions went into a downward spiral. How cruel! How impossibly  cruel that this little child was not only motherless but blind as well.  It was so tragic, so unbearable to think that Leo's little girl couldn't  see the world around her, not even the faces of the people she loved.

How devastating for him as a father. How gut-wrenching to think of all  the obstacles that little mite would face over her lifetime. All the  things she would miss out on or not be able to enjoy as others enjoyed  them. The beauty of the world she would never see. It was so sad, so  tragic it made Eliza's heart ache for Leo. It made her ache for the  little toddler who lived in a world of blackness. 'I'm sorry … I didn't  realize … '                       
       
           



       

'Will you tell me a story?' Alessandra piped up from the changing table.

'Of course,' Eliza said. 'But after that you have to go back to sleep.'  Oh, dear God, how did the little babe even know it was night? Anguish  squeezed the breath out of her chest. She felt as if she was being  suffocated by it. How had Leo coped with such a tragic blow? Was that  why his wife had ended her life? Had it been too much for her to cope  with a child who was blind?

The agency girl, Laura, came in at that point. 'Oh, sorry,' she said. 'Is she awake? I thought she'd settled for the night.'

'My daughter's bed needs changing,' Leo said curtly.

'I'll see to it,' Laura said and rushed over to the cot.

Eliza had finished the business end of things with Alessandra and  gathered her up in her arms again. 'I have just the story for you,' she  said and carried her back to the freshly made up cot. 'Do you like  dogs?'

'Yes, but Papà won't let me have a puppy,' Alessandra said in a baleful  tone. 'He said I have to wait until I'm older. I don't want to wait  until I'm older. I want one now.'

'I'm sure he knows what's best for you,' Eliza said. 'Now, let's get you settled in bed before I start my story.'

'Where's Kathleen?' Alessandra asked. 'Why isn't she here? I want  Kathleen. I want her now!' Those little heels began to drum against the  mattress of the cot.

'I told you she had a family emergency to see to,' Leo said.

'But I want her here with me!' Alessandra said, starting to wail again.

Eliza could see that Alessandra was a very bright child who was used to  pushing against the boundaries. It was common after the death of a  parent for the remaining parent or other carers to overcompensate for  their loss. It was just as common for a child with a disability to be  treated the same way. The little girl was used to being the centre of  attention and used every opportunity she could to grasp at power.