Beneath This Man (This Man Trilogy)(90)

I lower myself to the top step and watch the television through the glass as my night plays out in front of me. Nothing interesting happens, not for a long while. I watch as Tom dives across the table and seizes my hand. I watch as Victoria leaves us to join her date and then Kate leaves the table, and I know all too well what’s coming. I mentally plead for the television to spontaneously combust, but no. Tom leaves, and then Matt approaches. I stiffen from top to toe and watch as Jesse’s shoulders raise, kissing his earlobes. Matt’s back is to the camera, but there is no mistaking it’s him. I could never fob Jesse off on this.

‘Pause it.’ Jesse instructs shortly, walking over to the television, getting way up close to have a good inspection. His head starts nodding thoughtfully. ‘Keep it going.’

Jay continues the tape, and Jesse takes a few steps back. This is bad. I’m sat glued to the top step, running through the last time Jesse found out I’d seen Matt. I really don’t want a repeat of that. Why didn’t I foresee this? I watch myself jump down from the stool and crouch to gather my scattered possessions with Tom.

‘I need another angle.’ Jesse says.

‘There’s another camera.’ Jay answers swiftly.

‘Get me it. Did you see her talking to him?’

‘Ward, I do what I can, but if I’m called away to deal with some drunken twat or a few cat fighting girls, then I can’t watch her.’

I shake my head to myself. He’ll have a bodyguard flanking me next. This is ridiculous. ‘I don’t need someone watching me.’ I grate. I’m feeling mad.

Both of their heads swing around to me, Jay suddenly looking uneasy and Jesse looking stiff and agitated. There’s a few moments silence lingering between us. It’s uncomfortable, and I unconsciously wrap myself in my own arms as I sit, while Jesse scrutinises my every move.

‘Did you leave your drink unattended at any point?’ Jay asks.

The question shocks me. ‘No,’

‘When did you start feeling strange?’ Jesse pipes up, his arms folding across his chest.

‘I had a little stagger at the bar, but I put it down to my heels.’

‘Did you speak to anyone at the bar?’

Oh Fuck! Should I lie? I’ve seen Jesse’s reaction to a man coming on to me and it wasn’t pleasant. Shit shit shit! I glance nervously at Jesse. He knows what I’m deliberating.

He stares at me with dark, cautionary eyes, his torso rising and falling, his arms still over his chest. ‘Answer the question, Ava.’ he says, more calmly than I know he’s feeling.

‘There was a guy at the bar who offered to buy me a drink. I refused.’ I spit the words out quickly. It’s obvious I’m uncomfortable, but he’s going to find out for himself when he finishes watching the footage, so I may as well be upfront.

Jesse is displaying some sort of stun-gun reaction and my heart starts thundering in my chest.

I look down at my feet. ‘It was fine. I left the bar and returned to Kate.’ I try and brush it off before Jesse passes out.

‘Stop saying its fine!’ he yells.

I jump and reluctantly take a glimpse of him, finding bulging neck veins and a tense jaw. And then something catches my attention on the television and I look past Jesse. I shouldn’t have. I should have ignored it, and then maybe it would have passed before Jesse had a chance to see it. My blood turns to ice. At the bar is a tall, suited man. It’s too late to feign ignorance. Jesse swings back towards the flat screen to see what has caught my abrupt attention, as does Jay.

The silence is back as we all watch the man on the screen shift out of view when I get up to go to the bar. Then there’s the pumped up, ponytailed creep, getting way too close, me dropping my change and gathering it up before I’m staggering and making my way back to the table. Then the man comes back into view. I squint to try and focus better. Is it him? It certainly looks like it, but his text message said he was in Denmark.

I can see Jesse in my peripheral vision twitching, indicating he is having the exact same thoughts as me, but I’m watching the footage with complete fascination now, also aware of Jesse’s hard breathing, but too rapt by the television to look and confirm what I already know. He’ll be rampant.

Time is suddenly passing fast, but then Sam walks in and the motions slow down again as I get up from the table, leaving Sam drooling all over Kate. And then Jesse appears in the lower corner of the screen and I watch as I collapse, hitting the floor hard, the flurry of people gathering around my lifeless body blocking out my view.

No one says anything – for a long, uncomfortable time. I turn my eyes to Jesse and find him watching me. I’m not at all comfortable with the blackness in his eyes, and I can feel tears brimming in my own. Should I tell them about the text? Jesse looks sadistic already. Should I add to his obvious fury?

Jay coughs, pulling my attention back to him. ‘Have you seen enough?’ he asks.

‘Yes.’ Jesse answers without taking his eyes off me. It’s quite obvious now that Jesse turning up was probably the best thing that could have happened.

‘I’ll be off then.’ Jay gets up and retrieves the disc from the player. ‘I’ll see myself out.’

Jesse says nothing as Jay leaves, shutting the door quietly behind him.

I sit at the top of the stairs and drop my eyes to my feet. I’m in a slight trance. This really could have been so much worse. No doubt Jesse will have something to say about my lack of honesty with regards to Matt’s presence, but he can’t blame me. Why would I openly offer that information? I’m not completely stupid. Well, it would appear I am. I never gave CCTV footage a thought, and I certainly didn’t expect Jesse to start playing Inspector Poirot.

‘You didn’t mention Matt before.’ Jesse’s calm tone doesn’t fool me, and why has he homed in on that instead of the more important issue at hand…the tall suited man at the bar. I know he thinks it’s him too.

My shoulders rise anxiously, but I don’t look up; I already know he’s angry. I don’t need visual confirmation, and I should think it’s pretty obvious why I didn’t mention Matt. ‘I didn’t want to upset you.’

‘Upset me?’ His voice is high with surprise.

‘Okay, I didn’t want to piss you off.’ I look up at him and find a completely impassive expression. I’m surprised; I was expecting boiling mad. ‘It was a chance meeting.’

‘But you had a few minutes conversation. What did you talk about?’

‘He apologised.’

‘And that took a few minutes?’ His eyebrows are raised. He’s right, an apology doesn’t even take two seconds, but I can’t remember every detail of the conversation. ‘I told you not to see him again.’

I gape at him. ‘Jesse, I didn’t plan on it. I told you, it was only by chance.’ What did he want me to do? Walk out of the bar? ‘I wanted to know how he knows about you.’

‘Do you care?’ He’s reining in his temper. I can see it.

‘No, I don’t.’

His teeth start working his bottom lip as he watches me. I feel guilty and I don’t know why. I’ve done nothing wrong. He’s not shouting at me, but he’s clearly not happy. What am I supposed to do? I know he’s thinking exactly what I’m thinking about Mikael, but he can’t possibly be mad at me about that because I didn’t even know he was there – if it was even him. Was it him?

‘Then leave it.’ He starts across the open space of the penthouse and up the stairs. ‘I’m going for a shower.’ He walks straight past me, leaving me stunned by his calm façade. I think I would rather have him blow his top. At least then I would know where I am. What now?

I haul myself up from the step and make my way towards the bedroom. I can’t stand this middle ground. I need to establish exactly what is going on in that complex mind of his. I know he’s mad, so why is he holding back on his temper. It’s not pleasant, but I would rather him rage a bit and clear the air. I feel like I’m hovering over a detonate button.

I walk into the bedroom and hear the shower, so I pad across the room to the bathroom, finding him under the spray. Even now, I’m drawn to the mass of beauty that stands before me, quaking with anger. It’s potent, but he’s not letting rip.

‘Will you please just rant at me and have it over with.’ I sit myself on the vanity unit and put my hands in my lap. I notice for the first time since I woke up that my engagement ring is missing. Did he take it off? The thought is like a stake through my heart. I don’t like this, not one little bit.

He doesn’t say a word. He carries on soaping himself down before stepping out and grabbing a towel to dry himself off. He leaves me sat exactly where I am, my eyes darting around the bathroom, uncertainty plaguing me. I lower myself down and walk nervously back into the bedroom.

‘Jesse?’

He completely ignores me and goes into the wardrobe, appearing a few moments later in some faded jeans. His jaw is ticking constantly and I can see it’s taking his every effort to hold onto his emotions. I never thought I would want him to fly off the handle. And where is he going, anyway?