“I don’t know,” he confessed. “Maybe it started out that way. But not anymore. I like you, Kate. I think you’re beautiful.”
“Because you have seen all of me, and I’ve seen all of you? A shared experience of nudism?” She should be flattered, but she just felt sad.
“No.” He placed his hand over hers. She did not move her hand away. “Because I’ve gotten to know you, and you are good and powerful and strong on your own. You just don’t know it. You don’t need some guy to make you feel like a woman. You can do it all on your own.”
“This isn’t about what he makes me feel,” she argued. “It’s about what I feel about him.”
“And do you love him? You think you love him? It’s only lust, Kate. What he’s feeling for you is probably just lust as well.” Carlo squeezed her hand. “When it wears away, he will drop you like a sack of potatoes. I know this guy, Kate.”
“Really?” This time, she withdrew her hand and placed it on her lap, under the table. “Then tell me what you know about him.”
Carlo paused.
Then he said, “I know that he used to date a girl called Shamilar. He knew her from our circles.”
Shamilar. Why did the mention of her name spear her heart so? Inwardly she flinched but steeled herself not to show it.
“‘Used to’,” she said. “We all have pasts.”
“It’s what happened to Shamilar that you should know about.”
“Is this hearsay or is it the truth?”
“It’s the truth as our circles know it. Shamilar got pregnant – ”
This time she cringed. She felt her womb contract.
“ – and he made her lose the baby. It was because she wasn’t a tiger shifter. He didn’t want contamination between the shifter breeds. And he was furious with her. Furious because she tried to trap him.”
Kate’s mouth went dry. Her stomach turned with more dread than she could anticipate.
“Well, she shouldn’t have tried to trap him,” she whispered.
“Yeah, she shouldn’t. But doesn’t that tell you something about the kind of guy he is? He would abort his own child if the genetics didn’t suit him.” Carlo’s tone was bitter.
She knew Carlo was trying to turn her against Rust. But it wasn’t going to work. She was in too deep – sexually, emotionally.
She loved Rust, no matter what Carlo said about him. Whether or not he was damaged, or callous, or cruel.
“Carlo,” she said gently, “whatever you say doesn’t matter. I’m not going to turn away from Rust.”
“Yeah.” He sighed. “I got the sense of that.”
“You’re young. You’re good-looking. You can have the pick of any girl you want. Any girl who isn’t taken, that is.”
“Taken,” he said bitterly. “That’s a good word for what he does to you. You have no idea how crazy you drive me, Kate.”
“This is going around in circles.” She got up and reached for her purse.
“No.” He got up too. “I’ll pay.”
But she had already fished out her wallet and placed a ten dollar note on the table.
“Thanks for the coffee,” she said.
She left before he could protest. Her heart was beating fast.
She wondered if she was doing the right thing.
13
Kate walked and walked blindly. She found herself walking to the river once again, the scent of water guiding her nostrils.
Once she reached the embankment, she went to the railing and stared out into the river – at the boats and barges trawling there, at the cafes and the pedestrians on the river walk down below. A tourist boat was winding its way upriver, its tour guide speaking into the blaring loudspeaker.
Her heart was palpitating so severely that she thought it would burst.
Carlo’s voice sounded in her ears like a warning bell.
And he made her lose the baby. It was because she wasn’t a tiger shifter. He didn’t want contamination between the shifter breeds. And he was furious with her. Furious because she tried to trap him.
Kate gripped the railing. She gazed out into the water, into the city beyond. Then she dipped into her tote bag and took out the box.
It was a box of oral contraceptives.
It was mostly full.
She had started out taking the pills. She took three, and then her mind bended in different directions. Every time she stared at those pills, she saw the murder of her baby. A baby that was yet to be.
Rust only lusted after her body, as strange as that might sound. He would soon tire of her and dump her by the wayside. She didn’t know if she could take that. She was sure she might die of heartbreak – of her actual heart ripping in two and bleeding, bleeding all over her cardiac cavity.