beautifully broken:if i break 3(53)

“Hey!” Aidan knocks on the door to my bedroom twice.

“What’s the occasion? Since when do you knock?” I laugh at him. He shrugs.

“What’s all this?” he asks, gesturing to the bags and boxes I have scattered around the room.

“Lauren's going to Chicago and I’m going with her.”

“Dude, you’re taking enough stuff to move,” he chuckles and I grin at him.

“I am moving,” I tell him and his eyes widen in disbelief.

“Wait a minute, get the fuck out,” he laughs. I spend the next fifteen minutes catching him up on everything that’s happened between me and Lauren, Dexter and Jenna and my dad. Afterwards he lets out a deep breath.

“Whoa. I think I need a minute to process all of this,” he laughs.

“I-I don’t know where to even start. Just to make sure I got all of this—you’re moving to Chicago because you ended it with Jenna and you can see your doctor whose husband is having people follow you around because your alter ego wants to kill your real dad because he thinks he killed your mom,” he asks, and I nod.

“Yeah you’ve kind of got it all down I think.” He shakes his head in disbelief.

“And your parents are cool with you moving?”

“They’re not thrilled. My mom doesn’t want me to go but she knows we can’t stay here with my dad acting like a jerk,” I say, sitting next to him.

“So as far as your murderous alter ego goes,” he says, covering up a laugh, “Lauren doesn’t know about this, or about you having people follow you?”

“She has enough to deal with,” I say, standing up and starting to pack my things.

“You think it’s better for her not to know?” he asks, frowning. I shrug.

“It’s not that I’m hiding things from her. It’s just…yeah, I think it’s better that she doesn’t know,” I admit.

“If the roles were reversed you wouldn’t want to know?”

“No. Sometimes ignorance is bliss,” I shrug and he begins to laugh.

“What?”

“I’m just surprised, you know, seeing how upset you were about your parents hiding everything from you,” he says sarcastically.

“That was different,” I say defensively.

“How was that different?” he says smugly. I have no defense. He’s right, I should tell her. She has every right to know but it’s all been so much on her. I wish we could get a day, just one day, without a disaster rearing its ugly head. I sit down on my bed and pull a Snickers out my pocket to eat.

“I mean it could even give you an edge up on his thing,” Aidan shrugs.

“What do you mean?”

“I doubt she’d be hoping for Cal to come back if he wants to kill someone,” he laughs.

“I don’t want her to not want him back because of that. I want her to not want him back because she loves me, who I am. I don’t want to win by default.”

“Chris this isn’t a game man,” he lets out a frustrated groan and I’m caught off guard.

“This is your life. You have got to stop looking at this as a competition,” he says, almost in a scolding tone.

“I’m sorry, when did you become my dad?” I ask, trying to hold in a laugh, but the expression on his face is anything but jovial.

“Do you really think Lauren just wants Cal back?”

“I-I don’t know,” I shrug.

“That girl wants all of you. Not just you or him. She wants her daughter to have a father. For her to have a possibility of a normal life. I have to tell you the worst thing in the world is not you having DID. Life comes with a shitload of problems and you really need to get yourself together because whenever something goes bad you guys can’t keep flipping the switch.

“What’s going on?” I ask him suspiciously.

“What do you mean? I’m giving you advice as your friend. As your best friend!” he exclaims. I stand up and look at him.

“What are you not telling me?” I ask him, crossing my arms. He looks caught off guard.

“Nothing. I’m just trying to help you!” he says defensively.

“You’ve never been a good liar, and you rarely take your head out of your butt long enough to care about what’s going on around you. Something’s up, what’s going on?” I demand.

“So that’s what you really think of me? I’m a self-absorbed jerkoff who doesn’t care about the people I love. Real nice Chris,” he says angrily.

“No, don’t flip this. What the hell is going on?” I demand, and he looks down at the floor guiltily.

“When are you leaving for Chicago?” he asks quietly.