“Hey, Lisa,” I say, trying my best to mask the utter terror pumping through my veins.
“Lauren, have you talked to Chris? I’ve been trying to call him and…” Before she can finish, Cal’s back in front of me and snatches the phone from my hand.
“Don’t ever call me or Lauren again. I’m not kidding! If you do, I will ruin you. Stay the fuck away!”
I stand in front of him in complete shock. “Do you even know who that was?”
“Don’t fucking answer for her,” he says bitterly, taking my phone from my hand and leaving the room. I follow.
“What’s your problem with Lisa!?” I ask, exasperated.
“I mean it,” he says pointedly.
“Is this about her not wanting to sleep with you?” I told Lisa I wouldn’t tell Chris but this is Cal. A condescending laugh escapes him.
“Is that what that lying little cunt told you?” he says, throwing on his clothes.
“How about you tell me?"
"How about you tell me about everything,” I say, grabbing his wrist. “About why you hate your parents…”
“I don’t hate my parents,” he says abruptly.
“Your dad,” I reiterate. “What happened to make you like this?”
“Like what? Like me? What screwed me up so bad to make me come about? Is that what you’re asking me?!”
“That’s not what I meant,” I say quietly.
“No, that’s exactly what you meant,” he spits back.
“Don’t turn this around on me. This is bigger than you and me now. We have a daughter, Cal,” I say pleadingly.
“You’re not my fucking shrink, Lauren. You’re my wife. The woman I asked to marry me. You know everything now so let’s get past this. I’m ready to get back to normal. No more of this bullshit.”
“Normal? What we had is not normal. Just be honest with me. Please. Don’t I deserve that at least?”
“Why do you think I know everything?” he asks quietly.
I hesitate. He should know everything, right? He has to; he’s the alter. But how do I say that without it being an insult? Looking at him, I can’t say it. I still don’t want to admit it. I am mad at him. I still don’t want to hurt him—I never wanted to hurt Cal—and if I say it out loud right in front of him, I know it would hurt him. Or maybe I’m just afraid that saying it, of saying those actual words.
“You can say it, Lauren. I won’t melt. I’m not a mythical creature,” he says with an amused grin.
“I can only go off what I know and you haven’t told me anything.”
“I don’t know who your loyalty lies with. So I’ll pass for now,” he says wryly.
“What are you talking about?”
“You know exactly what I mean. We can save a lot of time if you stop playing stupid. Remember that I know you like the back of my hand.”
He has a lot fucking nerve. Of course, he does. It is Cal after all? He doesn’t know who my loyalty lies with? I waited for him for two years after he walked out on me. Yet, he questions my loyalty? I don’t understand what else I need to do to prove my loyalty to him. Why am I paying for a mistake I wasn’t aware I’d made? I’m trying. I really am trying so hard to keep my emotions in check, especially my anger and my frustration. It’s taking nearly all of my willpower to remain calm and not fly off the handle again.
But, like always, Cal has a way of pushing my buttons. He can’t think I’m going to go along with this—all his secrets, living a lie, pretending to be happy about the very thing that unraveled our marriage. He steps toward me, closing the distance between us. His gray eyes cling to mine, as if he’s reading my mind.
“Don’t worry, gorgeous. You’ll know everything soon. Just make sure you’re ready for it.” At that, he leaves me standing where I am with more questions than answers. Cal has always had a knack for leaving me stupefied. His statement isn’t a simple declaration; it’s more like a threat. But he doesn’t get to do this to me anymore. I could easily retaliate with the threat of leaving. But I can’t bring myself to do it. I have a daughter to think about. And then there’s Chris. I feel a world of responsibility on my shoulders and I don’t know how long I can hold it all up.
“I’ll meet you downstairs,” he says, heading out the door.
How do I do this? I can’t walk out on him. He’s mentally unstable but I can’t go through a life of secrets anymore! It’s Cal but he’s different, a little colder, a little rawer, uncensored and unpredictable, and there’s no way I can let him out of my sight.