“I was going to tell her the truth.”
“Your version of the truth. It’s always the version that you and William think up isn’t it?” I ask her.
“Cal, you cannot do this. Do you understand what you’re doing?” she says, her tone pleading.
“I know exactly what I’m doing,” I tell her.
“No you don’t. I don’t know how you’ve pulled this off so far, but what are you going to do when you marry her and she wakes up in bed with Chris?” she exclaims.
“That is never going to happen!”
“You don’t know that. She deserves to know,” she pleads.
“You just don’t want me to be happy.”
“That’s not true,” she shakes her head in denial.
“Of course it’s true. You don’t give a shit about me. All you want is Christopher back.”
“That’s not true, Cal! I love both of you,” she interjects.
“He’s not coming back, Gwen! I’m on medication that will get rid of him completely!”
“W-what are you talking about? You’re taking drugs? What are you taking, Cal? Are they safe?”
“It doesn’t matter, but you and Will can get it through your heads that your mild mannered little farm boy is never coming back.”
“What medication, there isn’t any medication as a cure, Cal. Integration is the only way… are you taking something illegal?” she says, frantically grabbing my arm.
“It’s not your concern,” I tell her, simply snatching away.
“It is my concern. You’re my son and I love you!” she says and for a moment I almost believe her, but she doesn’t care about me, only the person that I keep at bay.
“Cal, please!” she says, grabbing my arm again as I turn away from her.
“How can you love her when you shut love out? How can you know what love is?!” she asks, looking directly in my eyes.
“She’s love! I love her more than anything. If you screw this up for me, I’ll disappear and you’ll never see Chris again,” I say before snatching away from her. I turn around and see Lauren heading my way.
Fuck!
“Leave. Now,” I tell Gwen before heading back to the building. Before I can enter Lauren’s come outside and we meet right at the door. My heart is about to blow the fuck up. She looks down the street right at Gwen, who thankfully is walking in the opposite direction.
“What was that about? Who was she?” she asks, eyeing me suspiciously. I shrug, trying to be as casual as possible. If she only knew how fast my heart was going, my palms are sweaty, I have to calm down.
“Nothing,” I tell her, walking back through the entrance of our building and waiting for her to come in. I hate lying to her, I try to never do it, this isn’t exactly a lie but it makes me feel like shit. She looks back at me and then back in Gwen’s direction and my throat is about to close up. Gwen’s stopped walking.
Shit! What the fuck am I going to do?
I glance at Gwen and her eyes connect with mine. The only thing I can do is shake my head.
Fuck it.
I mouth please to her. I’ve never asked anyone for much. I regret little, but right now I wish I could go back in time and get on my fucking knees and beg Gwen not to say anything. She nods slightly, it’s subtle and even Lauren won’t notice it but it’s enough to make my heart stop slamming into my chest.
“Are you coming?” I ask Lauren impatiently. She looks over at me but she doesn’t move and glances back in Gwen’s direction but she’s gone by that time. Her eyes narrow in on mine. She’s pissed. I can deal with pissed, after what I could be dealing with, pissed is welcome.
“Nothing,” she says bitterly as she walks past me into the lobby.
“I took care of it; she didn’t want anything important,” I say casually, my heart rate returning to normal. I sit down in one of the big chairs in the lobby. I’ve never needed to sit down as much as I have today.
“Well, what happened? What did she want with me?” she asks anxiously.
I’m going to have to tell another fucking lie.
“She really wasn’t making any sense. She seemed hopped up on something. I told her to leave.” I pull out my cellphone so I don’t have to look at her. I can’t look her right in the eye and lie to her.
“Well maybe you should have let me talk to her,” she says, nudging me. She does it again until I look directly at her. Her hazels won’t let go of mine. I don’t want to lie to her again, but I can’t lose her. If I told her now I’d lose her.
“Look. She wasn’t making any sense. She probably pulled your name off an article of some event we’ve been to with Dexter. You have to be careful about just anyone trying to see you. When you’re associated with the Crestfields, people see dollar signs and will sell you any sob story thinking you can write them a check. Most people have some type of agenda and I’m sure she did but she won’t be back. You can’t just trust anybody now, okay?” I feel like shit. A crock of bullshit, but it sounds like it makes sense, but she knows me and she’s not buying it. I grab her hand and she sighs and nods just a little bit. She wants to believe me, but she’s not stupid.