“Are you okay?” he asks, his eyes searching mine. I nod as his hands rest on my waist. I can do this. It’s only once technically, he doesn’t remember and it should be fine.
“Tell me what you want,” he whispers in my ear and I immediately step away from him.
“What did you say?”
“”I asked what you want. Anything and I’ll give it to you,” he says, bringing my hands to his chest.
“I love you. I didn’t know it then but the moment I saw you I loved you and I didn’t know what it was because I’d never felt that way about anyone before and getting to know you I know why he fell in love with you, because I’m in love with you too,” he says and the resistance I planned on applying to his chest to push myself away from him is gone, instead I kiss him with all I have in me.
Chris
It’s still me.
I'd be lying if I didn't say a small, well a pretty big part, thought that after I slept with Lauren I’d wake up days later, but as I open my eyes and the sun is shining down on us and she’s lying next to me, I feel like the happiest man alive. She’s so beautiful, so amazing. I didn’t expect what happened to happen when I went in her room last night. I intended on telling her what happened earlier that day with Dexter, not all of it but at least some. I didn’t want any more secrets between us, but when I saw her it all changed. With her it’s different, I can’t pretend or hide my feelings, they take over and I’m not so sure it’s a bad thing. Something that feels this good can’t be bad. Last night was greater than I ever imagined it being. She’s perfect, every inch of her. I wouldn’t change one thing about her. Having her next to me, in my arms makes all of this seem not so bad, everything that’s hanging in the air over us not so bad when she’s with me. We can do this. Together.
Do what? Get rid of Cal because she’s definitely not going to help you do that.
She could, it’s not as ridiculous as it sounds. I just have to show her that I’m the better man, it should be obvious. I’d be the better father for Caylen, not him. He’s a future murderer heading for prison. Having him gone is what’s best for everyone. Except she doesn’t know about his plans, or what he’s done. If I can remember what he’s done, but then he is me. I’ve been trying to think of that more and more, trying not to see us as two different people, he’s a side of me. I have to tell her, but what is telling her going to do other than worry her? She has enough to be worried about. Why am I even thinking about this right now?
I’ve got to learn to live in the moment. I have a girl who I’m crazy about lying right next to me, in my arms, she’s beautiful, smart, funny and already my wife. This makes things easier, no more worrying about how to make my family work, it’s all fixed. Things are going to be okay. God this feels good, having her here, right next to me. I kiss the back of her neck and she starts to stir.
“Good morning,” I tell her. She turns to face me and she looks at me as if she’s observing me and touches my face.
“It’s me, Chris,” I say jokingly and for a slight moment I panic, what if she doesn’t want it to be me? What if she’s disappointed?
“Good morning, Chris,” she says a wide smile spreading across her face.
“What time is it?” she asks quietly. I glance at the clock on my desk.
“It’s a little after five,” I tell her.
“Your parents are going to be up soon. I should get back down stairs," she says, sitting up in the bed.
“Stay. Just a little longer,” I say, surprising myself. I know my parents bumping into Lauren coming from my room isn’t the best way to announce we’re together but, right now I don’t care. This, it feels right. She cups my face and leans over and kisses me, it’s light, and soft but intense. I don’t want it to end. I slide my hand across her back and pull her onto me.
“If we do this we’re going to caught,” she laughs as I bury my face in her neck, trailing kisses around her shoulder. She lets out a soft whimper, and I have to have her. I’ve never wanted a woman so bad in my life.
“Just a little while,” I promise her. What have I been missing?
“Just a little while?” she mumbles, our lips pressed against one another.
“Chris I need…” my skin practically jumps out of itself. By the time I turn around the door is closing.
“Oh my God, was that your dad?” Lauren says, covering her face.
“Pretty sure it was,” I groan, getting out of the bed.
“Great,” she says, hiding under the covers.