“You’d rather have fun here hanging out at Navy Pier?” I joke, nudging her in the side. She sighs and looks back at me, her eyes big and sad.
“Sometimes I wonder if this is all real,” she says quietly.
“What do you mean?” I ask, getting up and sitting next to her.
“I know I’ve told you this before but, you’re not like anyone I’ve ever met before.”
“I’m one of a kind,” I wink at her and a small smile spreads across her face.
“You are, and that’s what’s so scary about this. What do I do after you, how do I get over Cal Scott?” she says, looking me right in the eye and a wave of sadness passes through me. Get over me. What is she talking about? Is she breaking up with me? Am I being fucking dumped?
“What are you talking about Lauren?” I feel my voice becoming tense. I feel anger starting to course through every part of my body. She gets out of bed and starts putting on her clothing, which is littered across the floor.
This could be your easy break. If you love her you’d let her go.
“We’re in two different worlds Cal. I live in the real world and you live in the perfect world…for you,” she says looking away from me.
“I feel like my stay’s only temporary. Things are so great and I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. For when you’ll wake up and realize that you’re suffocated or this isn’t what you want. That I’m not what you want,” she says and I hear her voice choke up. I get off the bed and on my knees and pull her towards me.
“Hey. You’re the greatest thing that has ever happened to me,” I tell her, her eyes still downcast.
“I’m not the prize. You are,” I tell her, cupping her face in my hands. I hate that there’s tears in her eyes. The first time I've ever seen her cry, but I think of all the tears she’ll shed if I don’t let her go.
What am I doing?
“I graduate next week, Cal. I’m going to get a real job and really be an adult. I have to start figuring things out.”
I feel myself getting mad, disappointment taking over and I can’t let it boil over. I stand up and walk to the other side of the room. I can’t let her see it.
This could be for the best. She deserves more than this.
“There are things I want but I don’t know if we both want,” she says sullenly.
This is your chance. If you love her you’ll let her go. Take the ring back to the store and set her free.
“I don’t know if what I want is going to be good enough, or exciting enough for you.”
She wants normal and you sure as hell can’t give her that.
“What do you want Cal?” she asks.
“To be happy,” I say with a chuckle.
“Me too,” she says quietly. She grabs her little overnight bag she brings whenever she comes. I’m tired of her bringing that stupid bag. It reminds me that she’s only here temporarily. She walks past me and heads to the bathroom. I head out of the room and go downstairs. In the kitchen I pull out my pill vial from behind the cups in the cabinet and look at the little blue pills in them. Helen’s voice echoes in my head.
There’s no guarantee that this will work, Cal.
This isn’t even considered trial stage yet.
There are a lot of risks for you to consider.
“Sometimes the reward is worth the risk,” I tell myself before popping my second one for the day in my mouth and washing it down with warm water.
A half hour later she’s down stairs, fully dressed with her bag on her shoulder.
“I’m going to get out of here,” she says, grabbing all her hair and putting it at the top of her head. I get off the couch and walk in front of her. Her eyes avoid mine. I put my hands on her waist and pull her towards me.
“You’re coming to Europe with me,” I tell her simply and she rolls her eyes.
“How many times do we have to talk about you asking and not telling,” she says, a small smirk on her lips. She says she wants me to ask her whenever I do something, but I know she likes it when I tell her what to do.
“This is an exception, you told me no so now I’m telling you that you’re coming with me to Europe, because you work hard and deserve it and I want to have you on every beach I step foot on,” I whisper in her ear. She giggles and then sighs.
“No, no, no no,” she says, stepping away from me.
“You’re not going to convince me like that,” she says playfully.
“Then I’ll convince you another way,” I tell her, picking her up and pulling her on top of my lap on the couch.
“You’re hot,” she says in between pants.