“Getting those two to agree to integrate,” I chuckle dryly. “It’s not going to happen,” I say, letting out a deep sigh.
“I will say Lauren, it’s a lot more likely since you’ve come into their life.” I shake my head.
“Neither of them is all that thrilled with me at the moment,” I sigh. She looks at me questioningly. “It’s really complicated,” I mumble, feeling my cheeks heat up.
“Complicated is my specialty,” she says with a reassuring smile.
I explain to her all that’s happened between Chris and I and how Cal reappeared and was so angry and how Chris says he doesn’t remember us sleeping together. It feels so good getting it off my chest, I end up telling her about the conversation between Lisa and me and how I don’t know what to do to fix things when I’m not sure what needs to be fixed.
“Well that is a bit complicated,” she sighs. “First. There is nothing to feel guilty about. You are his wife. We must remember that Cal and Chris are the same man.
However, you must understand that they each think of themselves as separate entities so they are not going to be understanding of the fact. It’s completely normal for them to see being with the other as an act of infidelity.”
“Infidelity. I’ve never cheated on Cal a day in my life. I was never unfaithful,” I say defensively.
“I know that Lauren, but Cal won’t see it that way. In fact you being with Chris may be worse for him than if you were with another man.”
My mouth drops open. She can’t be serious.
“Bear with me please,” she says, being able to tell she’s losing me.
“You have to understand that as far as Cal is concerned you’re his wife, and in addition to that, he feels as if you belong to him. You are the one thing in his life that didn’t belong to Chris. It’s one of the many reasons that he never wanted Chris to know about the condition. Why he never told you the truth,” she explains and I feel my stomach twist into knots.
“Is this something that you’re inferring or that he told you?” I ask.
“Patient privilege,” she says with a weak smile and I let out a sigh.
“So what I am supposed to do? I don’t want to hurt either of them. I don’t want me to be the reason they hate each other more than they already do.”
“Then don’t be that reason. Be the reason they come together.”
“I don’t understand,” I ask, confused.
“My advice to you is to not be romantically involved with either until they start the process of integration.”
“Yeah, well, that will be easy when Cal isn’t here,” I mumble.
“When he is Lauren. You can’t sleep with him,” she says, looking me directly in the eye. I push my hand through my hair.
“That’s a lot easier said than done,” I admit. I’ve never had a good track record of turning him down.
“Well you can sleep with both of them but it will only create division amongst them and result in neither of them being willing to release control to the other, so if you’re fine with living like that…”
“I get it,” I sigh.
“Now this isn’t going to be something that Cal will particularly like.”
“You think?” He’s going to go bat shit.
“But you have to stand your ground. Cal is stubborn and manipulative but he loves you. That’s your biggest weapon.”
I nod.
“And as far as whatever Lisa has to tell him. We will deal with the aftermath of that once it happens,” she says sullenly.
“Chris's friend Aidan said that what she has to tell him could have been what caused Cal to exist.”
I see her eyebrow raise.
“I’m sure whatever she has to tell him isn’t the original triggering event,” she says skeptically.
“It is possible it is though, right?” I ask her, and for the first time her eyes glance away from me.
“Of course, anything is possible.” And it hits me.
“Do you know what is? What caused this to happen?”
“I can’t discuss that with you Lauren,” she says quietly.
“Are you kidding?”
“These things have to be handled delicately.”
“Then what did you call me for? If you’re not going to help us?”
“I am going to help you, there are just so many things involved with this.”
“And why didn’t you tell Chris when I had Caylen?” I ask, my anger starting to rush to the surface.
“Can you at least tell me that?” I say sternly. She folds her hands together and looks at them before meeting my gaze.
“Because if we told Chris there was a very strong possibility that Cal would resurface and at that point it wasn’t best for anyone.”