I slept with her? I’m angry because first, if we did have sex, it’s beyond cruel that I can’t even remember. Then, if we did, how could she turn around and sleep with Cal. I’ve only been out of it for two days.
“Please say something,” her voice is light, vulnerable and soothing and I don’t want to be soothed by her after hearing what she just said. I try to think of what to say to not screw this up and to make the gap that’s formed between us any wider but nothing is coming to me.
“I-I don’t know what to say Lauren…,”
“Whatever you want to say. Just let it be honest please,” she says, her tone pleading. I feel anger starting to course through me. Bitterness creeping up and jealousy I never felt before. If I don’t say something now I’m afraid of what is about to happen. I can’t say what I want to say, what I want to say will her hurt her. But how could she sleep with him? After everything, how he lied to her, how he left her and Caylen, after I wasn’t even gone a day, maybe, she sleeps with him?
“I don’t remember, maybe Cal tricked you,” I say standing up from the sofa, trying my best not to be bitter.
“Well, the first time at least,” I say with a shrug. Her cheeks flush bright red and she looks away from me. I’ve embarrassed her. I’m embarrassed for the both of us. I can’t believe what I just said to her, I can’t believe this has even happened, that I have to say anything and…worst of all, how bad it hurts hearing what she just said.
“I’m going to get some air. I think we need to be leaving to get back to Caylen,” I say, heading out the door.
chapter 8
Lauren
Honesty should be what works. Not more secrets or lies. I thought that it would be better to just say it. To get the truth out in the open before another second passed. I didn’t know how he’d take it. Whatever he’d say or do, I knew it wouldn’t be as bad as facing off with Cal. That’s what I thought. Turns out, this was worse. So much worse. For a brief moment, I thought things would be okay between Chris and me. That he’d tell me everything was going to be okay and we’d move past it. That he’d say it wasn’t my fault and that he was sorry all of this was happening. That he’d maybe tell me how his biggest regret was not remembering. Instead, as soon as the words slipped out, a shell came over him. I saw it as it happened. He hardened toward me, a glint in his eye that for once wasn’t indifferent or confused.
He was angry, he was bitter and for that moment he couldn’t hide it. He tried to hide it which makes all of it worse but it was too much for him to even do it, and what he said to me made me feel worse than when Cal screamed at me when he found out I slept with Chris. Well, at this point who knows if I slept with Chris, since he doesn’t even remember.
It’s entirely possible Cal tricked me, slipped in and went for the easy lay. Where he didn’t have to answer any questions or put up a fight. We’ve been driving for an hour and the tension in the car is suffocating, and unable to be ignored. I want to say something but no words come, I don’t know what to say. How do I combat what he said? This one man, these two men that I love more than any other person besides my daughter. Both cut me deeper than anyone else has ever been able to, they just use two different knives.
I feel exhausted, my body is rested and energetic but my mind feels like it’s going to either shut down or overload. Chris hasn’t said one thing to me since I’ve gotten in the car. The hardened shell is still there and his warm green eyes stare straight ahead as we slip out of the little town that Cal dropped me into. I wonder what he’s thinking, if he hates me. It’s hard to think of Chris hating anyone but the way he’s acting I know he doesn’t like me right about now. The only thing that gives me some form of solace is that if he didn’t care about me he wouldn’t be this upset. But what good does that do now? My phone rings and I pull it out of my bag.
“Oh no,” I say aloud.
“What’s wrong?” his tone is dryer than a dessert and his eyes don’t even glance at me.
“It’s Helen. I completely forgot about our meeting,” I sigh.
“If there’s a good time to talk to her this would probably be as good a time as any,” he mutters.
“Helen. Hi I’m so sorry. There is just so much that has happened over the past two days,” I say, trying to stress my sincerity.
“I figured that. Cal called Dexter yesterday,” she reveals.
“He did?” I say, trying to not sound completely surprised.
“From the way you’re speaking I take it that Cal is now Chris,” she infers.