Suddenly, my own frustrations bubble up, fester, then break free. “Well, what did you think was going to happen, Zack? Sure, you set some pretty clear boundaries in place, but you’re the one who broke them.”
He jerks and immediately I see denial in his eyes.
I press forward, walking up to him and giving him a poke in his chest. “What did you think I was going to do, Zack, when you constantly stepped past the very boundaries you created? You said it was sex only, but then you turned around, held your hand out to me, and beckoned to me to step outside of those lines with you. You’re the one who took me out to a romantic dinner. You’re the one who cuddled me on the couch. You’re the one who shared your pain and secrets with me when you couldn’t share them with anyone else. You’re the one who made this about more than just sex. So really, Zack…what the hell did you think was going to happen?”
His lips part, but he just stares at me in confusion.
But I’ve got more to say. “I’ll tell you what happened, Zack. My expectations did grow. With every touch you gave me, every time you invited me into your bed, with every time you shared your guilt with me and depended on me to ease it, hope fucking bloomed and my expectations grew. I can’t help it. Human nature and all that. So go ahead and lay this on my doorstep if you want. I’ll gladly take the blame. In fact, I insist on it. I’m sure it will help ease you past any guilt that may arise from this. God knows you’ve had enough in your life.”
Spinning away, I stalk into the bathroom and start pulling my toiletries out of the shower. When I walk back into the bedroom, Zack is standing in the same place, his gaze on the carpet, his shoulders hunched forward.
“I really tried,” he says in defeat.
Suddenly, the anger within me melts away and I’m left with overwhelming sadness. So damn sad because I hear the remorse in his voice. So damn sad because the one person I want above all else has just thrown in the proverbial towel. Any hope that I may have had that my leaving would cause him to want to fight for me turns to ash right then and there.
“I know you did,” I tell him as I drop the toiletries on my bed.
He raises his soulful gaze to me and his pain is almost palpable. “I’m so sorry, Kate, for hurting you.”
I give him a small smile and a nod of understanding. “I know. You apologized already for it weeks ago and I accepted, remember?”
He nods and starts to turn away from me. “I’m going to go get Ben from Alex and Sutton. That way he’ll be here in the morning and you can spend time with him before you leave.”
“Okay,” I whisper, but he never looks back at me. I hear him trudge almost wearily down the stairs and then the door closes behind him.
Then I sink to the carpet, rest my head against the bed, and cry over the unfairness of it all.
Chapter 29
Zack
TWO WEEKS LATER…
Are you in a strip club?
I glance down at the text from Ryker and then back up at the topless dancer gyrating onstage in front of me. He knows me well.
I pick up my phone and text back to him, Yup.
His response is immediate. Seeing anything good?
I quickly type back, Nope.
Come meet me at Tribeca for a few beers.
I stand up from the table, shoot down the last of my beer, and throw a ten-dollar bill beside my empty glass. As I walk through the club and leave the thumping music behind, I text him back, On my way.
The drive over to Tribeca doesn’t take me long. I’ve met up with Ryker here a few times to grab a meal or a few drinks over the past two weeks. While Alex and Garrett will always be my buds, I’ve become pretty tight with Ryker.
So tight, that I spilled the beans to him about what happened between me and Kate. I didn’t tell him the intimate details of what occurred between us, but I was utterly honest with him about how I made up a set of stupid rules that I myself broke, which caused her to hope for something that could never be.
When Ryker asked me why it couldn’t be, I then proceeded to tell him all about my shortcomings and doubts about my relationship with Gina. Yes, he’s been a very good friend and commiserated with me appropriately. Such a good friend, in fact, he then told me I was a bonehead. He chastised me for hurting Kate and for letting her get away. He told me that I had to let go of that shit in the past and concentrate on the here and now. On top of that, Sutton has been giving me the stink eye too. I’m not sure how much she knows, but she knows I hurt Kate.
She wants my balls for breakfast. Of that I’m sure.
I don’t need Sutton and Ryker making me feel bad, though. There is nothing they can do or say that makes me feel any worse about the pain I’ve caused Kate. My entire being aches with the knowledge of what I’ve done.