“If you two are going to be getting all loud and angry maybe I should take baby Zak.” It was like the invasion of the pod people or some fuck. “Ty, get a grip what’s with you bro, she’s mine, she stays with me. We’ll see you later I promise.”
“Fine, but if things get out of control call me and I’ll come get her.”
“Why don’t you go spend some time with Vicki Lynn?” I knew that shit would light a fire under his ass and get him the hell out of my house. I’m gonna have to remember to take this shit out at a later date and have a good laugh over it. I’m not sure what the equivalent to baby whipped was, but whatever it was he had it. She had him wrapped around her little finger already, which meant I was never gonna get rid of him.
I hate like fuck that they were forcing my hand so soon. If it were up to me, I’d make her ass sweat for at least a month. In fact, if we weren’t dealing with the shit we were, I would’ve taken my kid off somewhere just the two of us already. I was trying to come to terms with my anger, to put the shit in perspective, but it wasn’t gelling for me.
I couldn’t wrap my mind around the way things had gone down. The one thing that I kept coming back to was why. Was it because she hated me that much, was she really the afraid of me, what?
Nothing in our past gave me any answers and I was left with a gut full of confusion, and more questions than answers. Only Vanessa knows why she’d done this shit and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to believe her or listen to her reasons. I held the baby closer to my chest and rubbed my chin across her soft curls. One thing was for certain, no matter, what, she stays with me.
***
VANESSA
When Logan came back and told me that Zak was ready to talk, I wasn’t sure if to be relieved or more worried. I was suddenly more afraid than I had been and nervous as hell. My whole life was about to be decided in the next few minutes and I slowed my pace as I made my way across the yard from Logan’s place.
The girls had tried to build up my confidence, but I could tell that even they weren’t too sure of the outcome. I couldn’t read the men’s faces since they were so hard to read, so there was no point in trying.
I tried to work out a strategy in the short time it took me to get from one place to the next but it was no use, my mind couldn’t hold a thought. I tried to imagine a life without my daughter, or worst yet, a long drawn out court battle between her father and I with her in the middle.
The problem with that is that I kinda blamed myself for this. They were right, I’d had more than enough opportunities to tell him about the baby, so why hadn’t I? That was the million dollar question, and the thing that Zak was gonna hang me with.
It wasn’t fair though that I should lose them both again. I’d long conditioned myself to life without Zak, but at least I had Zakira to fill the void. Now if he had his way I wouldn’t even have that. I know Zak I know how hard he can be when he wants to be. My heart felt sick and my pulse raced in fear the closer I got to his place. I knew one thing I wasn’t giving up without a fight. And if it were at all possible, I would fight to keep them both.
***
ZAK
I’d had a lot of time to think last night while I was reading and surfing the web for information. One of the things I kept going back to for some strange reason was the whole pregnancy thing. I watched other men loving on their wife’s or significant other’s rounded belly, and the envy welled up inside me.
Now I never gave much thought to such things before, shit never crossed my mind. But seeing it played out in front of me, I wanted it. It made no sense whatsoever since twenty-four hours ago it wouldn’t have been on the top of my to-do list. But since I was already a father, one who had missed the whole deal, I felt cheated. That was just one more thing for me to lay at her feet.
Lo and Con were gonna get to enjoy their kids from beginning to end. Already I was privy to the secret looks and touches they shared with their women. I saw the way Dani and Gaby glowed whenever my brothers touched their tummies. No doubt it was all-good for the women, but I knew my brothers enjoyed that shit too. I had missed out on that. I held the baby closer as my heart broke a little at all that I had missed. I know some people might say that it didn’t matter, that she wouldn’t remember. But I’d seen those men speaking to their women’s tummies and the book said the baby could actually hear in there. Mine should’ve been the first voice she heard. “I’m so sorry baby, sorry daddy wasn’t there from the beginning. I promise I won’t ever miss any more of your life.”