ZAK SEAL Team Seven(28)

“No, you can do it right here where I can see you. Like I’d trust your ass out of my sight with my kid.” She got huffy and headed for the couch but who gave a fuck? I stood over her while she took her breast out and the baby latched on like she’d been starved.

My body reacted and pissed me the fuck off, which only made me want to be more of a dick to her. “How long before she doesn’t need you for that anymore? Isn’t she too old for that?” I did the math and my kid had to be fifteen months old give or take. “What was she eating when you were gone?”

“I expressed milk for her, that’s why I kept telling you I had to leave, and no she’s not too old. Mama breast fed me until I was two so I planned to do the same.” Another nine months think again. Nine months, my mind went off the rails for a hot minute before I reined it back in.

“What do you mean, what’s that express shit, is that good for her?” I didn’t know shit about babies. She went on to explain about breast pumps and temperatures and my eye started to twitch so I held up my hand for quiet while my baby girl made gurgling sounds like she’d been on a ten mile run and was finally getting some fluids. “Fine.” She looked dejected and I knew she had a shitload on her mind that she wanted to say to me, but I was seriously contemplating knocking her head off her shoulders no joke.

Zakira wound down and the nipple popped out of her mouth and right into my view, making my dick do the one eyed salute. Fuck him; I’d rub one out before I go near her ass again.

“You can leave now.” There was no intonation in my voice; the shit was dead, just like my feelings for her.

“I can’t, what if she gets hungry again later? She usually has one more feeding in the middle of the night.” She looked almost hopeful, like she thought shit was gonna be that easy.

“Do that express shit you mentioned earlier.”

“I don’t have the stuff.” Uh-huh.

“Write a list.” Everything she came at me with I had an answer for. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to go to the twenty-four hour Wal-Mart and take care of my kid at the same time, but I’ll figure it out. I should send her ass, but I couldn’t see sending my kid’s mother out in danger, no matter how pissed she’d made me.

We didn’t know if we were being watched or not, and I was sure the secret passage was still good since we’d blindfolded the assholes when we released them earlier so I’d use that. The only problem was what to do with little Zak until I got back because I sure as fuck wasn’t gonna risk taking her out there.

I took her out of the incubator’s hand and did that burping shit I’d seen people do after feeding a baby. “You can’t keep me away from my daughter Zak, we’ve been apart for too long already, she needs…”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re gonna tell me what my kid needs when you kept her away from me all this time?

You had my kid out in the fucking world and I didn’t even know she existed. I move across the globe, putting my life in danger to make the world a better place for other people’s kids, and never knew that I had one of my own to safeguard, to protect. You can get the fuck outta my face now before this shit gets ugly.” I didn’t care about her slumped shoulders or the tears that were gathering in her eyes. She fucking gutted me. Only someone who had no fucking regard for me could’ve done something like this to me; fuck her.

How was it possible to hate and want someone at the same time? This whole thing was so confusing. I hadn’t really had time to take it all in yet, to put things in their right perspective. All I knew right now is that I was a dad. I had a little life that was a part of me to take care of for the rest of my life.

That was going to be my main focus from here on out and everything and everyone else will just have to take a backseat. What the fuck I was gonna do with these feelings was another issue altogether. They’d only just been reawakened. I’d opened myself up to this shit, forgetting that she’d fucked with my insides once before, fucking female.

I inhaled my baby’s innocent scent from her hair and felt some of my anger melt away. I’d forgotten to get the list from her incubator but that was okay, that’s why we had the Internet. I held baby Zak on my lap while I booted up and surfed the web looking for what I needed to take care of her. I did some searches on single dads of newborns and toddlers and shit just to get some pointers and didn’t feel too bad by the end of it.

There was a lot of shit that needed doing, but I didn’t let the enormity of the situation get to me, I’m a SEAL for fuck sake, I can do this. I’ll just pretend her mother no longer existed, tell myself I had to do it all myself, and go from there.