Yours Truly(110)

“Izzy?” I noticed that Doc's eyes were rimmed with red. This was painful for him too. He had devoted years of his life to studying the ecology of the area, not to mention the thousands of dollars and man-hours he had put forth to try and make the Grove a nature preserve. This was as much a blow to him as it was to me.

“I'm so sorry, Doc,” I whispered. Details were suddenly all I could see. Doc was wearing a frayed green shirt that had a small hole in the left sleeve. The couch he was sitting on had a miniscule stain in the corner of the center cushion. The light in the third aquarium was flickering. My mind was trying to focus on anything, on everything, other than the news.

“It's not your fault, Izzy,” Doc comforted. He was handling this better than I was. I could barely breathe. The air was now completely gone from the room. Doc peered at me, a frown of concern deepening on his already lined face. “Are you going to be okay?”

“No,” I gasped, standing up far too quickly. The room spun. Thunder shook the windows, further disorienting me. I stumbled against the end table with the lamp. The room swayed in the movement of the light. I was going to be sick.

“Izzy, it's going to be okay.” Doc's voice was distant, but somehow his hands were on my shoulders. I didn't want his comfort. I wanted to rage and scream and cry. It wasn't fair. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. Everything had been perfect this morning, and now it wasn't.

Noah. He was still perfect. Things were better when I was with him. I knew he couldn't fix this, but I needed him. I needed him to hold me and lie and say that things would work out better in the end.

I shook off Doc's hands, twisting away from him and banging my thigh against the table. It was going to leave a bruise, but the pain felt far away.

“No, no, no...” I chanted, weaving my way out of the living room and into the kitchen. Doc was just a couple of steps behind me.

“Izzy,” Doc called, grabbing my arm and spinning me to face him before I ran out into the storm alone. “Where are you going?”

“Noah.”

Doc let me go and nodded. “Be safe.”

I ran from the kitchen, slamming the door behind me. Wind whipped at my hair and sand bit my skin, but I didn't care. I almost wished it stung more so I could forget the sick sensation in the pit of my stomach. I ran from the house, my feet pounding on the cement as I headed for Noah's place.

There was too much and not enough in my mind. The Grove was going to be destroyed. I was sliding out of control and had no brakes to stop me. Months of planning, fund-raising, meetings, and hoping were for nothing. Everything I had worked for, everything Doc had worked for, was going to disappear into a monstrosity of a hotel.

The storm hit the coast with a hiss. Gray sheets of rain cascaded against the sand as it made land. I didn't care. I kept running down the path until I hit the Grove.

I stood in the pouring rain, staring at the tangle of wood and brackish water. It would never be considered classically beautiful. It wasn't what people expected of a tropical island paradise. But it had been my passion. I had seen myself in that Grove.

Logically, I knew I would recover. This wasn't the end of my career, but for this moment, this second in time, it was a knife in my heart. I ran past the Grove, the sobs heaving in my chest. It was all going to go away. The green and brown murky depths would no longer stand guard over the fledgling fish and sharks. The birds would have to find somewhere else to live. It felt so wrong that something so important to the local wildlife could disappear so easily. I would have to find somewhere else to chase my dreams.

The only problem was, I didn't want to find somewhere else. I had already become attached to those gangly trees. I had planned my future around them, and now it was changing. I didn't have a good plan for this. I had been too hopeful, too optimistic that we would be successful.

I couldn't see anymore. I stopped to wipe my eyes, unsure if it was rain or tears obscuring my vision. There was only one person who could make me feel better. If I could just get to him, then I could forget about it all for a little bit. Tomorrow, when the sun was out and the sea was calm, I could tackle this. I wouldn't be so raw with emotion and loss. I could handle this tomorrow if I had Noah tonight.

I started running again, the world a smear of gray rain across gray sand and ocean. The green of the Grove had ended. Another pang hit me. Our sandcastle was gone.

I could see it crumbling under the incessant pounding of rain, melting back into the beach. It was no longer beautiful. It was ruined. Destroyed. The fact that it too was going away broke my heart. Nothing gold can stay...

I picked up my feet and started to run again, needing to find a release from the pain.