Your Fierce Love (The Bennett Family)(40)

"Oh!" she exclaims, startling me. Crap. A surprised doctor is never a good thing.

"Looks like you won't need that birth control after all."

I frown, not quite understanding. "Why? Am I-am I sterile?" That  couldn't be, right? It would have come up sometime in the past twelve  years or so of controls.

"No, of course not. You're pregnant."

My mouth goes dry, and my vision clouds for just a split second. I must have misheard her. "Pregnant? With...a baby?"

She laughs softly. "Yes."

"But I don't understand. We've used condoms every time. I mean, we've  been at it like bunnies because that man can fuck me silly on a daily  basis. He has quite the stamina-" Shit. Here comes my verbal diarrhea  again. The good doctor doesn't need to know so much. "But that shouldn't  matter as long as we used protection, right? We used a condom every  time. And it didn't break. Not once."                       
       
           


///
       

"Sometimes a break isn't obvious."

My mouth goes dry as I breathe in and out, euphoria and panic warring  inside me. There is a baby growing inside me. A baby! I place my hand on  my belly, not quite ready to believe there is a tiny human there. The  panic pushes away the euphoria for the moment.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Let's do a transvaginal ultrasound, and I'll tell you exactly how far along you are."





A few short minutes later, I climb on the examination bed, and she proceeds with the ultrasound.

"We have a heartbeat," she says triumphantly, pointing to the screen  next to the bed and emotion clogs my throat as I watch the tiny blip.  "By the looks of it, you've been pregnant for about six weeks."

"But six weeks...I drank coffee every day."

"Just make sure you adhere to the restrictions from now on, and you'll be just fine. I'll give you a full list."

"Okay." I draw in another deep breath. "Okay."

"Since you came in here for birth control, I'm assuming this was  unplanned. You have options if this isn't what you want. Abortion,  adoption."

It takes me a second to register what she means.

"No, I want it. Of course I want it. I'm just...I wasn't expecting this."

"Sometimes the best things in life happen unexpectedly."

I'd agree with her, but almost everything in my life so far has been  unplanned. I was hoping to do better than that for my baby, at least be  married or employed.

My mind spins while the doctor gives me instructions, recommends  vitamins, and whatnot. Still, I'm overcome with joy, and I place both  hands on my belly. It's silly, I know. There's nothing to feel. It'll be  months before he or she starts to kick. But it's growing inside me.  Someone tiny to take care of and shower with love.

I can already picture it: the nursery, the adorable clothes. Me sitting  in a rocking chair, singing a lullaby until the baby falls asleep. I can  practically smell that sweet and sugary scent of a newborn.

There is just one question mark. How will Blake take this?

My heart begins to thrum faster again, the panic barreling back in as I  leave the building. I'm happy I didn't come by car because I couldn't  concentrate on driving. The walk will do me good. Maybe by the time I  get home I'll have my thoughts together.

Except I want to keep thinking about the baby because that seems safer.  With Blake, this could play out too many ways. I distinctly remember him  telling me that starting a family right now is the last thing he wants.  We've been growing close, but a baby is a huge and permanent thing, and  I am starting to panic for real.

Sweat breaks out of my forehead, and I stop at a kiosk to buy a bottle  of water. I gurgle down the ice-cold liquid, and it helps me calm down  somewhat. Blake is a good man through and through. Still, the prospect  of talking to him sends my mind into a tailspin, again.

What if he won't want me for good...or the baby? My eyes sting at the  mere thought that he'd push me-us-away. One would think that at this  point in my life, I'd be a pro at dealing with rejection, but I am far  from it. Every time I deal with it, I feel like that eleven-year-old  again, who was dropped at the orphanage with a pink slip of paper in her  hand. I guess some wounds never really heal.

I'm ridiculous. I've seen Blake with his nieces and nephews. He adores  them. I don't doubt that. He plays with them, spoils them, never ever  loses his patience. Whether he wants me for good or not, he'll do right  by the baby. I know he will.

But I really hope he'll want me too.





CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Clara



"Thank God they're feeding us at least," Theresa exclaims. She's a  fellow candidate for the illustrator position. They called in thirty  candidates from the pool of two hundred who applied, and we were all  asked to come here at eight o'clock this morning. We're interviewing  with different people. So far, I've had six interviews and my head is  spinning. The whole thing will last until five o'clock.

"Amen!" I say as we head toward the buffet lined up in the entrance area  of the waiting room. "But I have to be quick because my next interview  starts in ten minutes."

"Mine in twenty. No matter the outcome today, I'm going to have a bubble bath tonight."

"I love bubble baths too." But I won't be taking one tonight. I have a  very important thing to do, namely tell Blake about the baby-yes, I'm  that much of a coward. I've known for an entire week, and I haven't  worked up the courage to tell him. Not only that, but I kept to myself  as much as possible, afraid that Blake would see right through me  otherwise. I've been using the interview and the custom illustration I  had to do for today as an excuse, but I'm not sure he's buying it.                       
       
           


///
       

Tonight is the night, though.

I bought a pair of baby shoes, which I plan to use as an introduction.  It's a bit cheesy, but I'm feeling very cheesy these days. I'm blaming  the hormones. I've been carrying the shoes in my purse since I bought  them. Sometimes between interviews, I look through my bag so I can see  them.

I've prepared an entire speech. Actually, I've prepared quite a few  variations, depending on how Blake will take the news. A big part of me  hopes he'll just take me in his arms, overcome with joy, and say we'll  figure this out together. The rational part of me is making contingency  plans.

"Sushi!" Theresa exclaims when we reach the buffet. I look at the  selection wistfully. The food selection includes other goodies too,  thank goodness, because I'm not allowed to eat sushi. So instead, I load  my plate with everything else. This week has been a bit terrible. I've  had to give up coffee, and I feel permanently jet-lagged. On the bright  side, I have zero morning sickness.

"Why aren't you eating sushi? Not a fan?" Theresa asks as we walk away  from the too-crowded buffet area and sit in the chairs in the waiting  area by the elevators.

"I love sushi, but sadly I can't eat it right now."

"Pregnant?"

I wince, and I can feel my eyes widening. Theresa's eyes widen too.  Crap. She was just stabbing in the dark, but I gave myself away.

"Yeah, I'm pregnant." The corners of my mouth lift up in a smile all by  themselves as I say this. I realize I haven't said it out loud since the  doctor gave me the news. I haven't told anyone. I couldn't possibly  tell any of the Bennetts before talking to Blake, and Penny has been  buried in deadlines all week. "Six weeks."

"Wow, how will this work if you get the position?"

I'm about to say I haven't thought that far when a familiar voice booms from behind me.

"You're pregnant?"

I literally leap to my feet, whirling around. Blake is standing just  outside the elevator, feet planted wide, a bag of takeout in his left  hand. My stomach rumbles at the smell. Something from Blue Moon, by the  package. I don't even care what it is. Everything from there is  delicious. I cleared my plate, and I'm still hungry.

"Clara?" Blake's voice snaps me back to the matter at hand, which is far more important than my all-consuming hunger.

"I'll leave you two," Theresa says, right before she scurries off with her plate.

"What are you doing here?"

"Wanted to surprise you with lunch. Roast beef. Your favorite. Thought  it would bring you luck." He places the takeout bag on one of the  chairs. "You're pregnant?" he repeats, frowning now. My entire body  tenses. I've seen Blake frown maybe a dozen times since I've known him. I  was hoping this wouldn't be an occasion for frowning.

"Yes, I have...I mean I am...." Jesus, why can't I whip two words  together in a coherent sentence? Sweat dots my palms, and I wipe them  both on my jeans. I wish he'd crack a joke. I wish I'd crack a joke, but  my brain isn't cooperating. The grim set of his mouth really isn't  helping. I could use a smile. I'd be grateful even for the hint of a  smile.