‘He wouldn’t do that,’ I half laughed, half squeaked, in shock.
‘You never know …’
‘Things were fine, though, right?’
‘I don’t know. He seemed a little distant at first.’
‘What, when you guys were jumping all over each other like apes?’ I tried to joke.
‘No, after that. When we were stood at the counter, it was like he had something on his mind. Maybe that’s just me reading too much into it, looking for signs that something was wrong,’ he frowned, nibbling on his lower lip.
‘Must be,’ I muttered.
It was possible that, like me, Ben had struggled with us all being together and acting as though everything was normal. It was also likely that being stood next to Robert once again had reminded him of our betrayal.
‘He didn’t say much about us all moving in together, did he?’
‘None of us did really …’
‘Do you reckon he wants to?’
‘We haven’t even decided what we’re doing yet.’
‘I know, but I assumed –’
‘We’ve been through a lot lately, Rob,’ I snapped.
I hated myself for saying that, especially as I’d not said it purely because I was still angry at him, more because I wanted him to drop the subject, at least until I could figure out a good reason for us not to live together. There was, after all, no way I was going to be able to live with both Robert and Ben. Just the thought of us all under the same roof was enough to make me feel queasy. The idea was completely inconceivable.
‘But we’re fine now, aren’t we?’ Robert asked with sadness. We hadn’t even made our way out of the car park yet, he was still trying to work his way around its one-way system.
I looked ahead as I thought about his question. ‘I hope we will be, but things take time. You can’t just magic us back to normal. Too much has happened,’ I exhaled.
‘Yeah,’ he nodded sadly, my words deflating him.
‘Anyway, I’m sure Ben won’t want to live with us when we’re in the midst of coming through all of that,’ I reasoned.
‘I guess so …’
He pulled over and turned to me, gently taking my hand in his.
‘You know how sorry I am about the whole thing, Maddy,’ he said softly. His face was a picture of regret and sorrow, as his eyes searched mine. ‘I love you with my whole heart. It’ll never ever happen again. No one else could hate me more than I do for it. I was an absolute jerk.’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ I said dismissively, annoyed that we were talking about his mistake once more.
‘It does because I hurt you. I was wrong,’ he persevered, lifting my hand to his lips and kissing it. ‘I want you and me to live together, Mad. It’s that simple.’
He pulled my hands into his chest and cradled my arms, causing my body to lean towards his. He kissed my lips softly.
It was the first time he’d kissed me since his confession, and the simple gesture made me feel overwhelmingly sad, reminding me of the love we’d shared and were close to throwing away. I knew there was something special, comfortable and loving between us – I just had to allow him to work his way through that barrier I’d built so that I could start seeing it again.
Ben
Twenty-one years old …
After our interesting double date, I walked Alice the short distance back to hers. Her front door was already in view when she turned to me and asked me in.
‘Is it wise?’ I asked, not wanting to take advantage. Up until that point we’d still been trying to keep things respectable by going on dates and getting to know each other properly. Not only was Alice a welcome distraction from other things that were going on, she was also great to be around. She lightened my mood and made the world seem like a less complicated, happier place. I wouldn’t say she made me forget, but she certainly made me think about the Maddy situation a lot less.
‘I think, now that we’re several dates in, we can resume where we started,’ she said with a cheeky grin.
‘Oh, really?’
‘Or, if you don’t fancy that, we could chill on the sofa, watch a movie …’ she teased.
‘Your first offer was a bit more tempting, but I’ll take either.’
I excitedly followed her inside.
She’d been wonderful that afternoon, full of all the charm and warmth that had attracted me to her in the first place. I needed to see her like that around Robert and Maddy, I needed to see that I had someone of my own who was special at last.
‘So, do you think they like me?’ she asked, once we were in her room and lying on her bed, facing each other – one of her housemates that I didn’t know was watching TV in the lounge, so we’d decided to go up to her room instead – well, that was our excuse, anyway, but we both knew that was where we preferred to be.