‘How have you been?’ he asked, looking up at me properly for the first time, allowing his gaze to rest on mine for more than a split second.
‘Fine,’ I answered, unable to resist smiling at him. ‘You?’
‘Good. Really good.’
‘Great.’
‘Yeah …’
‘You’re looking good,’ I blurted.
‘Really?’ he laughed, looking down at himself. He was wearing his normal ripped baggy jeans, with a slim-fit stripy blue and white t-shirt. He looked the same as normal, but there was something different about him, and I don’t think it was solely down to my raging hormones. ‘Must be the sunshine,’ he offered as he gestured upwards.
‘Yeah …’
An awkward silence fell upon us as we looked up at the blue sky above, as though we were inspecting the weather. We were far from relaxed together.
‘Ben, is everything okay? With us?’ I asked quickly, embarrassed to be even asking the question. It felt like such a silly and adolescent thing to ask. I wasn’t used to speaking in that way to him. I’d never had the need to before.
His eyes rested on mine as he exhaled. ‘Of course.’
‘You’ve been avoiding me.’
‘I haven’t,’ he shrugged.
‘Are you really going to try and deny it?’ I asked, raising my eyebrows at him.
‘Okay, you’re right,’ he sighed, tugging on the strap of his backpack as he jiggled uncomfortably on the spot. ‘I thought that it was for the best. Just for a little bit, mind. But I’m feeling better about everything now. You know?’
‘I guess, but you could’ve given me some warning before you went MIA. I’ve been going mad with worry.’
‘Ha! Sorry about that. I feel like I’ve got my head screwed back on again now. All I needed was some time.’
‘But you’re back now?’
‘Yes! Definitely,’ he beamed as he gave me a squeeze on the arm.
The arm.
Not the hand.
Just one.
Not three.
I couldn’t help but feel sad as I noticed the absence of the two extra pulses.
‘Robert’s worried about you,’ I said in a strained manner, aware that I was bringing up he-who-shall-not-be-named. ‘I said you’ve been busy with work and stuff, but he wants to see you when he’s down at the weekend. He’s even mentioned storming into your bedroom and dragging you away from your desk.’
Ben laughed loudly.
‘He thinks you’re angry at him.’
‘Oh. I see. I’ll give him a call later.’
‘Thanks.’
‘Actually, talking about work, I’d better be going,’ he said, pointing his thumb in the direction he was meant to be walking in.
‘Yes, of course …’
‘Where are you off to?’
‘Oh, I was just … wandering around,’ I couldn’t help but smile. I knew he knew I was there just to see him.
‘Sounds great,’ he grinned, slapping his hands against the sides of his thighs. ‘Right, I’ll speak to you later, Mad.’
He grabbed hold of me and pulled me in for a hug then. I’m not sure if it was just a habit that he’d forgotten to break or whether it was an urge like the ones I’d been fighting that had led him into the embrace. He lifted me up slightly and ever so gently brushed my naked neck with his lips. The sudden intimacy led me to inhale deeply as his being took over my body, eradicating all rational thought. The bubble that we’d previously found ourselves in had come back to cocoon us once more, making everything around us disappear within seconds.
The way he released me abruptly, jumping back in shock and putting distance between us once more, suggested the action had caught him off guard too. But, whereas I’d welcomed it, he hadn’t. It alarmed him and caused him to flee.
‘Must dash!’ he said nervously, his cheeks flaming red as he launched himself into a fast-paced power walk away from me.
As I watched him get further away, one word sprang to mind – FUCK! It dawned on me that the next few months were going to be incredibly hard if my mind so easily disintegrated in his company, if his touch could generate such a colossal reaction within me. I wasn’t sure how I’d cope.
‘I’ve finally spoken to Ben!’ Robert said with relief on the phone that night.
His call had woken me up. I hadn’t been sleeping well for obvious reasons, but had somehow crashed out on my bed early evening without meaning to when I was trying to get some work done. The sound of my phone ringing roused me with a shock, making me disorientated.
‘What?’ I croaked, unable to hide my irritation.
‘Ben! I’ve just spoken to him.’