‘Sounds delightful. You’ve talked a lot about your PJs.’
‘Have I?’ she giggled. ‘I do love a good pair of pyjamas! And fact number … oh, I’ve forgotten what fact I’m on. Fact whatever-this-is, I own, and wear in private, a pair of slippers.’
‘Is that it?’
‘Oh no, these are not just any slippers. These are a pair of blue Little Miss Bossy slippers – they’re like big cuddly toys that go on each foot. I can hardly walk around when I’m in them, they’re so huge, but they keep my feet warm … I just can’t get rid of them.’
‘Do you wear the slippers and the onesie at the same time?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous … I’d look stupid. Besides, they clash. Believe me, I’ve tried it,’ she laughed. ‘Now, that’s enough about me, I want to know all about you!’
‘Well, I’m really not interesting. I don’t have an animal onesie for a start.’
‘But if you could pick an animal outfit to chill out in, what would it be?’ she pushed.
‘Ooh, that’s a tough one.’
‘You have to think carefully.’
‘Maybe something like a koala? I imagine they’d be good to snuggle in.’
‘Mmm … good choice,’ she giggled.
The rest of the night flew by with ease. The hesitant start a distant memory by the time I dropped Alice off at her door hours later.
‘It’s been a great night,’ I said as we stopped outside.
‘It has …’ Alice smiled, rooting through her bag and pulling out her front door key.
Before she had a chance to put it in the lock, I put my arm around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss – our first that night.
She started giggling as soon as it was over.
‘What?’
‘I don’t know,’ she smiled, looking up at me. ‘Are you coming in?’
‘Not tonight.’
‘You’re not?’ she asked, sounding surprised, playing with the sleeve of my top with her fingers, her lips forming a little pout of disappointment.
‘No … I usually save that until at least the third date, and I don’t want you to get the wrong impression of me – or worry that I have the wrong impression of you.’
‘I see …’ she pondered, nodding her head.
‘Hmmm …’ I playfully sighed as I fiddled with the strap of her dress on her shoulder, tempted to go against my own valiant words.
‘So you think there’s going to be a next time?’ she asked, raising her eyebrows.
‘I’d like to think so,’ I said, leaning in for another kiss. ‘And a time after that.’
‘If you’re lucky,’ she giggled.
I got back to five emails from Maddy. The first continued with the same angry tone as before, the middle three were wondering where I was and the last was more like the Maddy I knew … calm and reasonable.
I’m sorry. I’m just going to put it out there right now. I’m being a complete twat. Getting angry with you isn’t going to help things. My head’s a bit messed up. Well, I say a bit … really I mean a lot. Of course I don’t wish you’d never said anything. That was a stupid and pathetic thing to say. I’d never want to take away what happened the other night. I’ll never wish it didn’t happen. It was beautiful.
I’m getting irate because I’m scared of losing you and I don’t want that to happen. You know how much you mean to me. I know we’ll be able to get through this – it’ll just take time.
Sorry for being a loser … and a crazy nutcase. Hope you don’t think less of me. In fact, please ignore all previous emails. Off to seek professional help immediately. I believe they’ll have a straitjacket waiting for me upon arrival. Ha!
Let me know you’re all right. x
I sighed as I closed my laptop and put it away, realizing that Maddy was always going to have the ability to draw me in. It was the way I’d conditioned myself to be over the years – my heart would always belong to her. Knowing that irritated me after spending such a great night with Alice, and, instead of it making me want to cool off things with her – after all, I doubted anyone could level up to the unrealistic pedestal I’d put Maddy on – it made me want to make more of an effort with her. I thought she deserved a chance.
Maddy and Robert were staying together, so I knew it would have been painful for me to remain single and watch the two of them together, acting as though nothing bad had ever happened between them. I didn’t want to be sat on the sidelines pining after Maddy, yet again. No, I told myself, it was time to make some changes, and pursuing things with Alice was how to start. Plus, I imagined being with her would ensure that I’d definitely keep my distance from Maddy, stopping me from crossing boundaries once again. Not that I thought I would, but having obtained something I’d desired for so long, well, it increased my thirst rather than quenched it. The thought of being with Maddy was more real than ever before, I knew what I was missing, knew how we could be together, knew her body’s secrets, the way it curved, the way it responded to my touch – they were no longer just little thoughts I’d imagined in my head, instead they were very real.