My feelings for you haven’t altered, but my outlook on the situation has. We’re best friends. You and Robert are my rocks. I know everything will be fine. At some point everything will go back to the way it was and we’ll move past this. I don’t think meeting up to talk about any of it is going to help either of us. I’m a bit busy at the moment, so not really free to meet up anyway, but we’ll definitely do something soon.
Ben x
As soon as I’d sent that one I wished I hadn’t. I wanted to disconnect and make things easier for both of us, but instead I’d added coal to the fire and prodded it aggressively with a giant rod. I only ever had love for Maddy, but the situation made me hide that, made me show her an ugly side instead, one that I hated. I suppose the same must have been true for her. We became vicious and snappy – something we’d never been with each other before, even when we were young and thoughtless.
Handed you the broom? Are you kidding me? You say there’s no one to blame, but that’s blatantly pointing the finger at me. How dare you. You’re the one who started all this. You felt a certain way and bottled it up inside for years. Why not keep it locked up? You were obviously good at keeping it a secret. Why put it out there so that I have to deal with it too? Why wait until I’m heartbroken and drunk? Or was that your plan all along? Have you been waiting all this time for Robert to slip up so that you could jump in and make yourself look like the hero?
After looking at the screen for an hour, not knowing how to respond, I decided, instead of emailing back with further malice that I didn’t mean, to put my laptop away, pick up my phone, and call Alice. I’d been putting off doing so because my head and heart were still feeling fragile and bruised, but I came to the conclusion that what they actually needed was a bit of TLC.
‘Hello, you … Long time no speak,’ she giggled, as she answered.
‘Hey! Yes, I know. Appalling behaviour on my part.’
‘Don’t you know it’s rude to leave a girl hanging like that?’
I couldn’t help but laugh. ‘I’m sorry, it’s been a manic week.’
‘I see … remind me, how long does it take to send a quick text these days?’
I could tell she was still smiling, even if there was honesty in her disappointment.
‘I wanted to wait until I had time to call.’
‘Hmmm … I see.’
‘I was wondering if you fancied going out tonight? For dinner or something?’ I said as I got up from my bed and paced around the room.
‘Tonight? Are you really expecting me to drop all my important plans for you after you had sex with me and didn’t call for a week?’
‘Oh …’ I suddenly felt stupid for having asked.
‘Only joking,’ she cackled. ‘You’ll only be saving me from a night in my PJs eating chocolate. Pick me up at seven.’
‘Deal.’
I knew I needed to get Maddy out of my head and, as Alice came with no complications, she was a welcome distraction. That’s what was appealing about her. That and the fact that she was ridiculously pretty and had a wicked personality to boot. If anyone was going to help me get over Maddy, I thought she would. Plus, let’s not forget, I cried after having sex with the girl. I felt she deserved a little more respect than me never calling her again. A nice chilled-out dinner – I owed her that much.
When she answered the door at seven o’clock, we both stood there nervously, hesitant over how to greet one another. When I left her on the Sunday morning I’d kissed her goodbye – well, I had just slept with her, it would have been rude not to – but it would have seemed too forward to repeat the gesture then, when we were both totally sober and back to feeling like strangers again. So, instead, I stood there grinning at her.
She looked ridiculously cute with her hair bundled up in a high bun on the top of her head, her petite frame wearing a pale blue denim dress and with cream Converse on her feet, patterned with a design of dainty pink flowers. I towered above her, a fact I liked.
We didn’t hold hands as we walked the short distance to the restaurant. In fact, we hardly spoke. Alice wasn’t acting like the giggling girl I remembered her to be – instead she was suddenly demure and shy, with a preoccupied expression plastered on her face, making her seem wary. It troubled me.
For our date I’d picked a nice little Italian restaurant on the river – I’m ashamed to say it was a place I’d taken other girls previously. Antonio’s had a great view, felt like an authentic Italian (the owner had the thickest accent to accompany his rather thick and dark moustache), and the food was delicious – much better than anything I could have knocked together. But best of all, it was relatively cheap – I was, after all, paying for it out of my student loan, or what I had left of it. Needless to say, I was on a tight budget.