‘You can’t keep a secret from me, Ben.’
‘There’s no secret.’
‘There is. Don’t lie.’
‘I’m not lying.’
‘Then why have you gone red?’
‘Because you’re being an idiot.’
‘I can’t believe you’re covering for him.’
‘Mad, I’m not,’ he sighed, looking more and more distressed.
‘You’re my best friend too, Ben. I know you two have this brotherly love thing going on, but you’re meant to be looking out for me as well.’
‘I’m always looking out for you,’ he frowned, hurt by my accusation.
‘Clearly not if you’re willing to side with him and keep secrets from me. What has he told you? Was it more than one time? Different girls? Is it more than sex? Has he finished with me for her? Because you might as well tell me, I’ll find out sooner or later. I’ll be seeing them together. It’s better if it comes from you,’ I ranted, the alcohol and hurt causing me to push him further than I would normally.
‘It’s not about Robert,’ he blurted, looking shocked that the words had leapt from his mouth.
‘So there is something?’
‘Maddy. Please, just leave it,’ he groaned, looking around the pub as though he was looking for a way out of the very tight spot I had him trapped in.
‘Ben, what is it?’
I was relieved it was nothing to do with Robert, but the way Ben was acting troubled me. He was acting all sketchy and weird – there was definitely something troubling him and I wanted to find out what.
‘Ben, you can tell me. Whatever it is, I’m here for you.’
‘I can’t.’
‘You can tell me anything …’
‘You don’t get it, do you?’ he asked, his large Bambi-like eyes searching my face to see if I had even the smallest inkling of what he was hiding. I didn’t. I hadn’t the foggiest. He looked back down at the floor in despair.
‘Get what?’ I pleaded, taking his hand, my voice calmer than before. I hated seeing the torment on his face.
He took a deep breath to steady himself before he looked up and faced me, his eyes looking straight into mine.
‘I love you.’
‘Of course you do. I love you too,’ I smiled, stupidly tapping him on the nose in a childish manner, a cringeworthy reaction to his words.
‘No, not like that,’ he said, getting frustrated with himself, or perhaps at me. ‘Maddy, I mean it, I really love you.’
I suddenly felt very sober as I watched my best friend literally spill his heart out. It was the last thing I expected to hear that day, but then again, I didn’t expect to get a call from my boyfriend telling me he’d cheated as he promptly ended our relationship either. It was a day of surprises.
‘But –’
‘Yes, I know, I know. Things are how they are … but if I had to wait a lifetime to be with you I would, because you’re the one I’ve always wanted to be with.’
‘You don’t mean that, Ben.’
‘I do.’
‘You can’t … you’re just drunk.’ I tried to laugh but the seriousness of the situation caused it to bubble in my throat and wither away.
‘I always have, though. You’ve always been the girl for me.’
With that, he leaned forward and gently placed his hand on my cheek, his thumb brushing lightly against my skin. He paused and looked at me, really looked at me, inspecting my face with what could only be described as love and wonder. It was a look filled with meaning, the first time he was allowed to look at me with his heart open and the pretence dropped. The change and intensity enticed me. I could feel myself mirroring him, fascinated by the shift of emotion that felt strange yet familiar all at once – I knew that face, I knew him, but there was a new depth that I felt compelled to explore. It excited me. Thrilled me. Drew me in.
He edged his face closer to mine, focusing his eyes on my lips, that were just centimetres from his, and paused once more – something that wasn’t done on purpose to add suspense, but because he was nervous. As was I.
‘You okay?’ he asked, looking back up at my eyes.
I nodded, knowing what was about to happen, not wanting to stop it.
‘Good,’ he whispered, as he slowly leaned closer and kissed me. The touch sent an unexpected surge through my body. I pulled away and looked back into his eyes – noticing the love had been replaced by hunger. In that moment I felt like I wanted and needed him more than I’d ever wanted anything else.
The second time we kissed, it was me who leaned forward and cushioned my lips against his. As I pulled away I couldn’t help but grin at him, making me shake my head and sigh into my hands.