‘No.’
‘I just wanted it to be perfect, though.’
‘It’s already perfect because I’m here with you, you big softie,’ I laughed, grabbing his hips and pulling him back on the bed with me.
He pouted at me, his perfect face still full of concern, before breaking into a little smile. ‘I’m being a girl …’
‘You are,’ I smiled, loving that our old joke could still lighten the mood. I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled his head towards mine so that our lips found each other.
‘I love you,’ he mumbled.
‘Then that’s all I need.’
The first time we had sex I kept my eyes closed the whole way through, well, for at least the majority of it. I’d read somewhere that you should always kiss with your eyes closed, so it made sense to me to stick to that rule when doing that greater deed too. I’ll admit that I did decide to sneak them open at one point but the look of intensity and determination on Rob’s face surprised me, so I decided to shut them again for fear of getting nervous giggles.
Once it was over I felt relieved. So did Rob. Half an hour later we did it again. It lasted far longer and was much more pleasurable knowing what the unknown actually was. Gone were any remaining nerves, what was left was just … lovely.
Afterwards, Robert brought up our lunch on a tray – chicken dippers, potato Alphabites and spaghetti hoops. A feast to celebrate the day we both lost our virginity and moved onto the next, more serious stage of being a couple.
As we sat curled up in his bed, utterly naked, tucking into the sophisticated meal, I felt completely relaxed and content. Growing up I’d heard of girls regretting their first times (they were drunk, it was too soon in a relationship, it was with someone they didn’t really care for), but I felt an overwhelming sense of pride that it wasn’t the case for me.
Robert was a natural leader, something that was apparent in our friendship group, but as a lover I’d discovered him to be even more caring and giving than I thought possible. My cheeky friend had the sweetest heart with the most gorgeous love to give – I felt blessed to be the one receiving it.
Dating someone who’d seen me at my worst, and who I’d seen at her worst, was a whole new experience for us both. We couldn’t lie and pretend to be perfect like some couples do in those early days. We knew each other inside out. It changed things between us drastically, as you’d expect. There was no way I could pretend Maddy was one of the boys any more. Well, I certainly wasn’t treating her like one of the boys any more, that’s for sure. Something I’d like to apologize to our fellow tripod member, Ben, for. There were certainly a few moments in our younger years where Ben copped a load of something he shouldn’t have.
Maddy
Eighteen years old …
Ben and Kelly’s relationship didn’t last long. Well, they fooled around together for nine months before she left to go to college – but as we all stayed at Peaswood High in the sixth form to do our A-levels, their relationship came to an amicable resolve. But just because Ben and Kelly didn’t last, it didn’t mean that Ben was back to being on his own with us and looking like a tag-along. Kelly had given him a new-found confidence with the ladies, and so had losing his puppy fat. He’d become effortlessly slender and the way he Brylcreemed his hair back made him look like a Mediterranean Superman with his olive skin and dark eyes. He was popular, but he wasn’t a womanizer – he didn’t treated anyone badly or just use them for sex, it’s simply that he was never short of female company. Years of being the perfect listener to many of the girls in our year, added to the fact that he’d grown some self-belief and learned how to flirt, had given him a tantalizing charm – made all the greater by the fact that he didn’t realize what a catch he was.
I asked Robert if he was envious of him once.
‘Why would I be?’ he’d asked innocently.
‘Because he gets to be with all these girls while you’re stuck with me, that’s why.’
‘It’s never even crossed my mind,’ he muttered, pulling me into his chest and kissing the top of my head.
I had no doubt that Robert was happy with me, but the fact that their roles had almost been reversed must have had some sort of impact on him, even if he didn’t want to admit it. After all, Ben, with his many admirers and string of dates, was leading the life all three of us would have predicted Robert, with his cheeky ways and army of fans, would have had, if it weren’t for our relationship.
‘You know what’s funny?’ he said into my hair.