Ben
Sixteen years old …
The excitement on the bus, even at that time in the morning, was sky high. We were getting away from school life, from exam stress and from our parents for a whole week. We were off to chill with our friends in Paris, to marvel at some wonderful art while sketching it (badly) into our workbooks, eat loads of crêpes and to test out our French on actual French people – it was time to see whether we’d actually learned anything in our lessons. I wasn’t holding my breath on that score and had packed my mini French phrase book, just in case – so had Robert and Maddy. For some reason I was doubtful that the one French phrase that stuck in my head, ‘Où est la piscine?’ (where is the swimming pool?) was going to get me very far.
Once Miss James had called the register and found every-body had made it on board, even though it was frightfully early, we were free. Maddy, Robert and I squished up against the window at the back of the bus, and waved goodbye to our mums – all of whom were teary-eyed and rubbing each other’s backs in support. We couldn’t help but laugh at them, making them giggle back at the stupidity of their emotional outbursts. We were only going away for a week – you’d have thought we were moving to the other side of the world indefinitely the way they were carrying on.
As the coach started moving, carrying us away from our mums, away from the school and away from Peaswood, I experienced an unexpected lull – as though reality had hit, causing me to abandon my joyfulness momentarily. I worried about my mum. I shouldn’t have, I knew she was far tougher than I was and could cope with far more than me, but it was the thought of her in that empty house on her own, without me there for company. The other mums had their husbands to rely on, but she obviously didn’t. Dad leaving had made us closer than ever – we looked after each other, made sure we didn’t dwell too heavily and moved each other into the light any time his absence hit us hard. It worried me that she’d have no one to do that for her without me there.
I looked up at the others to find Robert looking back at me. He winked and gave me an encouraging nod. He knew what was on my mind even though I hadn’t said it, and I knew what he was saying even if the words hadn’t worked their way out of his mouth. Mum would be fine. Everything would be okay.
But as soon as my thoughts of Mum had subsided a different feeling arose from the pit of my stomach. This is it, I thought to myself, this is the trip I’ve been waiting for, the trip that will change my future and hopefully give me the girl of my dreams. I took a deep breath to steady the nerves building up inside.
‘You okay?’ Maddy asked to the right of me, her hand resting on my arm.
‘Yeah! Knackered …’
‘Me too,’ she smiled, before taking my hand in hers, resting her head on my shoulder and nuzzling her body into mine.
It felt lovely.
I couldn’t help but smile as I intuitively squeezed her hand. Three times. ‘I love you,’ I declared in what I hoped was the last time I’d have to do so in my coded way. Paris was going to give me the freedom to verbalize it, at last.
‘I love the way you always do that,’ she smiled, rubbing my arm in response to my gesture, clueless as to what it actually meant. ‘Three squeezes. It’s your thing.’
‘Is it?’
‘Yeah,’ she laughed. ‘You must be aware that you’re doing it?’
I stared at her with this gormless expression on my face, but before I could respond she started talking again.
‘Did you see Lauren and Daniel getting on the bus?’
‘I think they’re here somewhere,’ I said with relief, stretching my back and craning my neck to see over the tops of the seats in front of us.
‘No,’ she giggled, pulling me back into my seat. ‘I mean, did you see the way he asked her if she wanted to sit next to him?’
‘Oh. No. Why?’
‘It was a bit … odd.’
‘Was it?’
‘I don’t even think I’ve ever seen them talk before.’ She was trying to talk as quietly as she could, but her eyes were practically popping out of her head as she willed me to grasp whatever it was she was saying.
I looked at her blankly. It was too early for guessing games.
‘I think he likes her,’ she eventually spelled out.
‘Really?’
‘What’s this you’re whispering about?’ asked Robert, leaning across both our laps so that his face was right in front of ours. He was so close I found it hard to focus on him.
‘Lauren and Daniel,’ Maddy mouthed, smiling.
‘Yup. Spotted it,’ he nodded knowingly, pursing his lips.