All Jason had to do was sign.
He had gotten the offer a few days ago but had been putting it off. He could feel that his heart had already run away from him. It belonged completely and totally to Kat.
But his mind had not taken leave of its senses yet. He knew that if he truly loved that beautiful, wonderful woman, he would do right by her. And doing right by her didn’t necessarily mean staying with her. That had been the plan from the start.
He had come to town to help Kat. And that was it.
Except now, his heart had grown greedy. He wasn’t satisfied and wanted more. He wanted her.
Jason sighed. “Al,” he started. “You know why I can’t stay. Why I shouldn’t stay.”
“Because you think you’re not fit for decent people?” Al demanded. “Because you think you’re too damaged and too deranged? Keep exiling yourself and you really will be.” It was Al’s turn to sigh. “Listen, kid. The universe gave you the ultimate gift. They gave you an angel on earth. They want you to know that broken men like us might still be worth a damn.”
But Al had never married. He hadn’t had anything resembling a relationship in nearly a decade. And before then, all his relationships had been volatile and crazy with someone always being hurt.
How was Jason any different from Al?
“You’re not as looney as me, pal,” Al said, interrupting Jason’s thoughts. “So don’t get any clever ideas of trying to seem more pathetic.” He gave a dry snort. “Listen, I never had the strength you did. That’s the god’s honest truth. A few years ago, I never would’ve admitted that. Hell, maybe a few months ago, I still wouldn’t have. But seeing you about to throw away the best thing that will ever happen in your life has made me an honest man.” He paused. “To an extent.”
“Jesus, Al, you know that—”
“You want to learn how to sleep without a gun under your pillow or a knife by your side? You want to learn how to shower without your shoulders hunched? How to open a door without your neck as tight as a twig?” Al demanded, clearly more than familiar with the lifestyle of a haunted soldier. “You give that girl, that miraculous and brave girl, a chance at your heart.”
Jason leaned an arm against a wall. “You think it’s that simple? One girl can heal everything?” He hadn’t meant to sound so cynical but he couldn’t help it. He wasn’t going to risk Kat’s heart and possibly safety just for his own selfish needs.
“No, asshole,” Al returned. “Just like you can’t heal every wound she has in her heart. But you can support each other, ease the pain and the weight. Why do they throw two men in a foxhole? So there’s always someone looking out for you, watching your back. We’re meant to be paired. And you can’t find a better partner to be in a foxhole with than that girl.”
Jason squeezed his eyes shut. He wanted to plug his ears and jam his heart against Al’s words.
Of course he wanted to stay. But he was no fool. He’d had years to learn as to the extent of his damage. His brokenness. And just how dangerous all of that was.
Sure, it sounded good—so damn good—to stay with Kat in Peytonville. But what kind of life would he be condemning her to if he stayed? What kind of sleepless and dangerous life?
“Have them send the contract,” Jason finally said. “Tell them we can be in Kansas within their timeline.”
He heard Al give frustrated sigh before hanging up.
Jason ran a hand roughly through his hair as he told himself he was doing the right thing.
As he turned around to rejoin Kat, he found her standing by the corner, to paper cups of coffee in her hands and a look of wounded shock on her face.
Chapter Twenty Three
“You’re leaving?” she said, her voice sounding hollow.
Jason bit his lip, looking unsure as to whether to confirm or deny the call. “Not for awhile,” he finally said.
She gave a sharp release of breath, as if she had just remembered to exhale.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she finally asked. “Why didn’t you tell me you were planning to—”
She stopped. But he had. Neighborhood repairman, remember? He had told her that he would only be in town to work and then would be moving on out.
But after all that had happened, Kat had forgotten that part. She had assumed that he had grown just as fond of Peytonville and of her as she had of him.
Jason ran his hand again through his hair, clearing trying to untangle whatever thoughts were running through his head.