She could see the extreme tension of his jaw. “I’m sorry,” he said gruffly, remaining frozen a few paces away.
Kat stared at him. She had never seen this side of him before. It was as if he was fighting something with his entire being. But she could tell it was a losing battle. He was struggling.
She took a hesitant step towards him. When he didn't’ stop her, she took another and another until she was right behind him. Gently, she placed a hand against his back. She saw his muscles flinch against her touch. “Jason,” she said softly, afraid of him yet more afraid for him, “let me help you. I can stay.”
Jason’s body felt like a frozen statue under her hand.
“Stay?” he echoed, his eyes staring off.
Kat nodded. “I can stay. We can talk if you’d like. You don’t have to be alone tonight.”
Jason slowly turned around. Kat was just barely able to stop herself from stepping back in automatic fear. His dark green eyes looked nearly black in the dim lights. It was clear whatever he was fighting was slowly winning and taking over him. There was no softness in his face, no familiarity. His eyes looked dark…and dead.
And then with the lightening quick reflexed of a trained soldier, he grabbed her by the back of her neck and yanked her hard against his chest. Without giving her a chance to gasp, Jason crushed his lips against her, plunging his tongue deep into her mouth.
Kat pressed her hands against his chest, trying to push back but Jason kept a firm hold around her waist and neck, leaving her no room to budge. The heat of his touch seared her skin. His tongue played with hers, expertly teasing and taunting her.
“You stay tonight,” he breathed against her lips, breaking their kiss before plunging his tongue back in again, “and I can’t promise you safety.” His grip on the back of her neck tightened, squeezing her almost painfully. “I can’t be gentle. I’m not gentle.”
His hand moved from her waist up to her breasts, squeezing them tightly. “Stay tonight,” he warned, “and you’ll get bruised.”
Kat was completely breathless from the onslaught of Jason’s touches. She futilely fought against him but at the same time felt her body heat at his touch. She felt that burning flame of something forbidden and fiery grow within her. But looking up at his dark eyes, she knew this wasn’t how she wanted it. Yes, she wanted Jason. But this wasn’t Jason. This was the dark trauma that currently terrorized Jason. She didn't want their first time together to be like this.
Kat pushed against Jason’s chest again and this time, he let her go. Actually, he almost threw her away from him as if forcing himself to let go of his prey. He seemed so at war with himself.
They stood, paces from each other, both trying to regain their breath and their senses. “I don’t want to hurt you,” Jason said suddenly. He straightened up and headed towards the front door. “Don’t stay here, Kat. Don’t trust me right now.”
The muscles of his broad shoulders were taut and tense. Seeing Al fighting his demons had clearly raised a few of his own in Jason. Kat didn’t want to press him tonight. Her lips still tingled from his bruising kiss. No, she didn’t want to press him tonight.
She headed towards the front door, carefully stepping out.
Kat turned around. She wanted to help him fight whatever darkness lay waiting for him. But she didn’t know how.
“Good night,” she said, meaning it literally. Please, have a good and restful night. No nightmares. No fighting.
“Good night,” Jason said quickly before closing the door and letting the darkness swallow him.
Chapter Sixteen
“I thought the backsplash was something Jason was going to do,” Malcolm said hesitantly as he watched Dave mixing the grout.
Dave gave another good swirl through the heavy gray stuff. “Oh this is easy stuff to do,” he said, keeping a focused eye on the grout. “No need to bother the big man with it.” He looked up and gave Malcolm a solemn but warm look. Kat had noticed most of the men had a difficult time smiling. But they were never short on ways to express their own unique brand of warmth. “I think we can handle it ourselves.”
Malcolm’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink at being found so capable by Dave.
But Kat could see his eyes flitting every few minutes through the order window at the front door of the diner. She knew Malcolm had wanted to do the project with Jason.
But Jason hadn’t come in today. He hadn’t come in yesterday either.
She remembered his darkened, almost empty eyes as long ago memories began to wash over him. She should’ve stayed! She should’ve distracted him. Helped him. Fought with him.