You and Everything After(61)
“Guess who?” she asks, her voice raspy, drunk. Why do girls do that, ambush you from behind and play this game, knowing the high probability that you’re going to guess wrong, and leave everyone feeling stupid?
“No idea,” I huff, and as her hands slide away from my face, I get a good look at Cass. She. Is. Livid. A girl with long brown hair slides into my lap. She’s dressed like one of the waitresses, and I recognize her. But fuck if I can remember her name.
“Hey, you,” she says. “I just got off. You wanna take me home?”
Oh wow. This is really happening.
“Hi, yeah. So…I’m on a date. With my girlfriend,” I say, doing my best to encourage her to get off of me. She slides awkwardly down my leg, her stupor causing her to slip and fall on her ass, her skirt sliding up enough to show off her thong, and everything around it.
Cass looks disgusted. She should be. I’m disgusted. I’m disgusted at myself. But I still want my watch. And I can’t bring myself to forgive her for leaving it behind…carelessly.
“You know what? It’s fine. He can take you home. Because it turns out I’m not his girlfriend,” she says, standing and dropping a ten dollar bill on the small table in front of me to pay for her drink. I blink again, and she’s gone.
“Excuse me,” I say, pushing through this mystery girl’s gaggle of drunken groupies.
I find Cass quickly. She’s not even trying to run. She’s walking fast, but more angry than running away.
“Hey! What the hell?” I yell, and she halts fast, spinning on her heels and closing the gap between us, her arms crossed in front of her body to fight off the night chill.
“Go on,” she says, waving her hand to direct me back inside. I get it; she’s imitating me, and how I told her to go get the watch. It’s almost funny. But it’s not.
“Cass, you’re being unfair,” I say, and she laughs. Hard.
“Oh really? I’m new at this, Ty. Explain to me, how does a girlfriend usually react when some hooker practically lap dances her boyfriend in front of her?” she asks.
“She’s not a hooker,” I say, rolling my eyes. I mean, please—I have standards. Cass is leaning on her hip, her lips pursed. Clearly, she doesn’t think I have standards. “Before I met you, I dated. You know this.”
“Yeah, boy do I know this,” she says, throwing my past in my face. I don’t like apologizing, and I won’t apologize for things I can’t change.
“Hey, you’re throwing a lot of stones for a girl who could live in a glass house for all I know,” I say back, my gut sinking again at the thought of my lost watch. I can’t let go of it.
“What does that even mean?” she says, tossing her head to the side and yelling to the sky, her hands stretched out to her sides.
“It means that I’ve had a past. But for all I know, you’ve had one too. I mean, are you going to tell me that you’ve always been a sheltered little princess? That you’re that good in bed just because? That you maybe haven’t slept with a few guys who have taught you a thing or two so I can reap the rewards?” I’m getting nasty, pushing where I shouldn’t push. I can tell I’ve pushed too far when her hand flies at my face—my head cracks to the side on impact from her slap. My cheek stings, and the cold air only makes it hurt more.
I like the hurt.
“You asshole,” she seethes. “You can go fuck yourself! And go buy a new fucking watch, too! That one was ugly.”
I hold my tongue as she walks away, but before she gets too far, I throw one more nail in our coffin. “Yeah, maybe we should take a break. I think we were getting too serious,” I mutter, just loudly enough for her to hear. Like I even need to say this. I watch her walk away and hold two middle fingers over her head, like pistols shooting me through the heart.
I’m not sure when I started to cry, but it happens. Nothing over the top—there’s no sobbing, no sniffles. I’m in the dark of night, and no one will ever know I’ve even done it. But I do. Three whole tears slide down my cheek, and I let them fall into the collar of my shirt before I swipe my sleeve across my eyes and chin.
“Goddamn it!” I say, loud enough that the girls who have just stumbled out of the bar look my way. “Yeah, yeah. Dude in wheelchair talking to himself. Mind your own goddamn business!”
It’s just a watch. And I can live without it. I know I don’t think I can. But I can. I’m not so sure I can live without Cass, though. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! I’ve messed up. I know I’ve messed up. It was like a fire I lit over the desert, and every piece of brush in its wake went up in flames. All I’m left with is smoke. And it’s suffocating me.