You Don't Own Me(59)

‘You do?’

‘Yup.’

‘Run along then, child.’

‘OK, see you later.’

Stella



I pop my head around Dahlia’s door and find both the nurses standing by the window chatting. They turn to look at me. Jane, the older nurse, grins.

‘Will you look at this place?’ she asks.

I step into the room in wonder. ‘Wow! Are balloons a Russian thing?’

She giggles.

‘It was that kid Nico. He was like a monkey climbing up the walls.’

I glance at Dahlia. No change there.

‘Well, give us a shout when you’re finished,’ Corrine says.

‘OK,’ I say taking off my coat.

When they have gone out and closed the door I approach. ‘Happy Birthday, Sleepyhead. How are you today?’ I ask as I take my computer out of my bag and put it on the table next to her. ‘Mark sends regards and birthday wishes. I told him I’ll bring him some birthday cake.’

Later I will call Daisy so that she and her mom can wish Dahlia Happy Birthday, but not yet.

‘I’ve realized what is happening in this place,’ I say.

‘Zane is filling your head with classical music and as much as you claim to like that stuff you must be really missing the good stuff by now.’ I take out my iPhone and my Beats Pill Bluetooth speaker from my bag, turn the volume up, and hit play. The sound of the Rolling Stones blasts into the room.

Zane

Everyone is gone. The party is over. I drank a lot, but I don’t feel drunk. I pick my way through the streamers lying on the floor and go over to the French doors and stare into the darkness. All that noise and shouting and she never woke up.

My shoulders slump as I exhale.

Suddenly the spotlights in the garden come on. A fox and her two cubs have wandered into the garden. The first thought that crosses my mind is, I wish Dahlia could see this. Then the thought: she will fucking see it if it’s the last thing I do.

I take my phone out and film them sniffing around. The cubs are small, fluffy, and playful, and I know they will make her smile. They came to visit her while she was sleeping.

The creatures find nothing, and eventually they disappear into the area of the garden not illuminated by the lights.

I sit next to her and gently lay my head on her arm.

‘I got you a birthday present,’ I whisper. ‘Two tickets to Beyonce’s concert. Stella told me you’ve always wanted to see her perform. Here’s the best part, I’ve arranged for you to go backstage to meet her. It’s next month. The 18th of next month. We’re going together. I’m just going to put these tickets right here until the day comes.’

I go and sit at the piano and I play for her with all the pain and passion that exists in my body. I play until the early morning hours. Then I page the nurse, and when she comes I go to bed.





March





Thirty-seven


Dahlia Fury


(Bring Me to Life)

I am standing very still in a white room. There is nothing in the room but a white table and six white chairs. The room has no windows, but it is filled with a white light that is very bright but it is not blinding. It has no source, just seems to be everywhere. It permeates everything. Even me. It flows through me giving me perfect peace, perfect bliss.

Time doesn’t exist, at least I don’t feel it passing. I know I am waiting for something or someone, but I don’t know what. I don’t feel anxious. I feel peaceful. Sometimes I think I can feel someone touching me. I’m not sure because I can’t see that I have a body. A nurse. She has cool, impersonal hands. A needle pricking my arm. A tube down my mouth, my neck lifted up … and yet I have no body.

Strange. Bewildering and alien, but I am not afraid. Everything is perfect here.

Other times another touch. A man. I know him very well, but I can’t understand what he is doing there. Our fingers entwined. It’s familiar and fills me with longing, but I don’t know what for.

There are other voices. Indistinct but happy. They reassure me. I’m glad they are there even though I cannot make any sense of what they are saying or why they are there.

Often I hear beautiful music, and there is so much love and sadness in the music. It feels as if it is calling to me but I cannot get to it.

Zane

So what if we didn’t make it to the concert. There will be others.

Stella

Oh! My smokehouse! You are not going to believe what happened, Dahlia. This is big. This is real big. Mark and I kissed!





April





Thirty-eight


Noah

I rush to Zane’s study and knock on his door. Even before he can call, ‘come’ I open it and enter.

‘What is it?’ he says springing up in alarm.

‘You have to come with me. I have to show you something,’ I say quickly. I can barely contain my excitement. My heart is beating in my chest.