You Don't Own Me(178)

‘Are you hiding something from me, Jaron?’

He winces. ‘Maybe. But it’s not important.’

‘OK.’

He hugs me. Hard. And suddenly I know: it is important. His secret is important.

‘Has it got something to do with Ebony?’

Silence.

‘Maybe.’ His voice is very quiet.

‘Can’t you tell me?’

‘I will. But not yet. I need to trust you.’ My stomach descends in my body. I know with every fiber in my body that he is not sneaky, but I don’t like the sound of any of this at all.

‘OK.’

‘Want to try the Jacuzzi? I switched it on.’

I feel heavy-hearted, but you know what? I’m not about to lose my shit. I’m just here for the sex. Everything else is whatever! For some strange goddamn reason tears are gathering at the backs of my eyes. Why?

‘Let’s go,’ I say in a high, bright voice and stand. A little voice says, what’s the matter, Billie? You jealous? No, I fucking am not. I’m not devastated. I’m not gutted. I’m just pissed off. And pissed off sex I can do. Until his dick rots off.

So we go to the Jacuzzi and the sex is wild and angry and, in spite of the way I feel, explosively good. By the time we get out Jaron is looking at me funny.

‘Billie?’

‘Fuck you.’

I stomp to the kitchen and pour myself a massive glass of rum. I drink it down like milk. And the breath that exists in my mouth could burn a rat to ash.

He stands at the doorway.

‘What’s eating you?’

‘Nothing’s eating me.’ Asshole. And then something comes to rest upon my heart. It’s not his fault. It’s me. I thought I was liberated—that I could do the sex thing without wanting to get possessive and jealous and crazy. But the truth is I can’t. I want to call him mine. I fucking hate that Ebony is in the picture. ‘Just leave me alone.’

‘Is it the crabs?’

‘Go fuck yourself. Stop irritating me. I don’t want to talk to you.’

‘Well, what do you know? I want to talk to you.’

I start pouring another glass. He comes and takes the glass from my hand. I glare at him.

‘You don’t need this.’

‘How dare you!’ I literally scream at him.

‘I dare because I care.’

Something! Something vibrant and alive, something stronger than the best chemical high happens in my head. It shines. It illuminates. On the mainland a man is fucking a prostitute, a dog is foraging in the bins, a taxi swerves to avoid a bus, a man buys a woman a drink. I look into Jaron’s green, green eyes. They are festering with splendor.

You’ll regret this, Billie Black.

Yeah? Maybe. Maybe he is duping me, but from where I am standing his eyes are transparent windows into his soul. Just reams and reams of honesty. He grabs my arm. Brings me to his hard body. Strange how I can’t even imagine a soft body now.

‘I want to be inside you all the time,’ he says.

‘And I want you inside me all the time,’ I confess. The wound closes up, stops bleeding. Ah, that is how you heal the damn thing.

He kisses me. I come up gasping for air. I should leave it alone. But I can’t. I’m not made like that. I have to know the truth even if it hurts me.

‘Who is Ebony?’

‘Are you jealous?’

‘No, I’m fucking not.’

‘Then it doesn’t matter.’

I scowl at him. ‘I don’t want to go out with someone who has a girlfriend.’

‘Why?’

‘What do you mean why? Do you know of any other woman who would put up with that shit?’

‘But you’re not like other women. You’re unconventional. That’s what first attracted me to you.’

‘All right, I’m jealous,’ I shout. ‘Blindingly jealous. Jealous enough to rip your fucking eyes out. Now who the hell is she to you?’

‘She’s not my girlfriend. I work with her.’

‘Not selling real estate, you don’t.’

He smiles, but it is a sad smile. ‘No flies on you.’

‘Erin told me that they have a really cool saying here—don’t let your mouth carry you where your foot can’t bring you back from. Why do you introduce her as your girlfriend, Jaron?’

‘She makes for good cover.’

I swallow hard. I have wanted to know for a long time now. And now I will. ‘Why do you need cover?’

‘I’m a jewel thief, Billie.’





Nineteen


I blink. ‘You’re fucking what?’

‘I’m a jewel thief,’ he says slowly and clearly.

‘What the hell does that mean?’ I demand.

‘It means I target and steal the rarest, most precious stones on earth.’