‘I will wait up for you.’
I smile. ‘Wear something special for me.’
‘You bet.’
‘Right, I’m off.’
‘Give him a big kiss from me,’ Lily says.
‘You’ve always liked him, haven’t you?’
‘Yes, I’ve never forgotten that he saved your life.’
I don’t say anything, but memories flood back into my mind.
There is no traffic on the roads and it takes me less than an hour to drive down to the coast to where the old smuggler’s network of caves are. I know BJ used to go there many years ago. Once I stumbled upon him. We were still enemies then, but he was very drunk and he offered me a drink. We shared a bottle, but he was so plastered I don’t think he has any memory of that night. If he has, he’s never referred to it.
As soon as I turn off the road and drive down the dirt track, I spot his vehicle. I stop the car and text Layla.
Found him. All is well. Will make sure he gets home safe.
My poor sister must have been watching the phone like a hawk. She texts back almost instantly.
Thank u from the bottom of my heart. xxxx
I take my torchlight out of my car’s glove compartment and go into the mouth of the cave. It is dark and dry. My shoes sink into the soft sand. After a while, the soft sand gives way to rock and I start to hear the sound of water dripping. A few yards later I come to the flooded area of the cave. I take my shoes and socks off and rollup my pants, then wade through the water.
When I reach dry stone, I put my socks and shoes back on and walk for another ten minutes or so through the twisting tunnel. It opens out to sheer drop into the sea. BJ is sitting at the end of it. He’s so heavily slumped he looks like a rock in the darkness. He has an oil lamp beside him. I switch off my torch. As far as the eye can see is the ocean. In the moonlight, it glistens like a black, oily mass. Arching over it, the sky is a blanket of stars.
I notice that he’s barefoot. He must not have bothered to put his shoes back on. I sit at the edge beside him and let my feet dangle down. He is holding a bottle of rum.
‘Layla was worried about you,’ I say.
He passes the bottle over to me. I take a swallow and return it. He takes a swig and wedges it between his thighs.
‘It’s funny, isn’t it? There was a time I wished I knew what it was like to be with her, even for a moment. I guess I got my fucking wish. So I can’t complain too much.’
I take the bottle of rum from him and take a huge mouthful.
He turns towards me. ‘If you carry on like this you won’t be able to drive me back to her. That’s what you’re here for, isn’t it?’
‘That’s true. That’s what she wanted from me.’
‘And what Layla wants, Layla gets,’ he says bitterly.
I frown. ‘At first I, too, wanted her to terminate the pregnancy, but now I understand that she is making a moral decision. And that is her right. I can’t force her. She wants to do the right thing, the thing that she can be proud of. I didn’t realize my sister was such a little hero.’
He takes another swig and stares at me bleary-eyed. ‘Yeah. I know. I want to support our little hero and everything, but I can’t. You see, I only ever wanted her. I cannot ever remember a time when I’ve wanted another. All my life, I was waiting for her. And now she wants me to give her the OK to go and risk her life for a fetus that has a high probability of spontaneously miscarrying anyway. How the hell can I be expected to support that?’
‘What will happen if you don’t support her and … something happens?’
He makes a sound. A grunt of deep pain. ‘Something? Define something.’
I remain silent. It’s impossible to say the words.
‘Here’s a question for you, then. What if it was Lily this was happening to?’
I grab the bottle and glug down so fast I have a coughing fit. BJ thumps me on the back. ‘Well, that’s no way to answer the question.’
I look him in the eye. ‘At first, I thought I’d rather tear that baby with my own hands than let it destroy Lily. But a baby is a miracle, BJ. And if Lily wanted it, even if it killed me, I’d support her. I’d do whatever it took to ensure that she got the best holistic support. I’d have the best doctors in the world waiting in the wings, weeks in advance, to pull that baby out of her.’
‘Ah yes, pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Smile through da pain.’
‘You’ve got to get your shit together man. Layla needs you like never before.’
‘Never in a million years did I ever think I would be in this situation. I feel like a mastodon dying from hundreds of crude spears in my flesh.’