‘You’re alive,’ I say in wonder and reach out to touch her swollen face.
‘Of course, I am,’ she smiles.
‘Mama your tooth!’ I gasp. There is a hole in her smile.
‘It’s gone,’ she says cheerfully. ‘I’m glad. It was rotten.’ She pushes her tongue through the gap. ‘It’s saved me a trip to the dentist.’
‘Does it hurt?’ I ask worriedly.
‘No. Not even a bit.’
I touch her broken lip. ‘Does this hurt?’
‘No. Some things look worse than they are.’
‘Shall we put a bandage on it, mama?’
‘No,’ mama says with a small laugh.
I stare at her. ‘Are you sure? It looks painful.’
‘Yes, I’m sure. You know I would never lie to you.’
I nod. That’s true. Mama never lies. ‘Where is papa?’ I whisper.
Her blue eyes look sad. ‘He’s gone out.’
‘Has he gone to work?’ My papa works odd hours. Before his accident, when he hurt his head and the doctors had to put metal plates in back of his head, he used to go away for days. Mama says he works for the government. She says what he does is secret, like James Bond, so we can never ever know where he goes. All my friends are frightened of my father. Their parents smile at me a lot, but they always look nervous when I am in their house.
‘Yes, I think so,’ mama says softly.
‘Is he still very angry with me, mama?’
‘Oh my dear, dear Aleksandr, he is not angry with you at all.’
‘Yes, he is. He thinks I’m a coward, because I cried. I tried not to cry, but I couldn’t help it, mama.’ The tears are trying to come, but I blink them away.
‘You’re not a coward, my little star. You are braver than most people I know.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes, that is the absolute truth.’
‘But papa doesn’t think so.’
‘Papa loves you and just wants you to be a great fighter like him, but sometimes he can’t control his temper. He is not himself. It was accident. It changed him. Remember I told you about it.’
‘Yes, I remember.’
‘One day he will get better. You’ll see,’ she says.
‘I hope so.’
‘I know so,’ she says fiercely.
‘I’m sorry he hurt you, mama. It was my fault.’
‘He did not hurt me and it was not your fault. Never say that again.’ Mama smiles softly.
I nod. ‘Mama,’
‘Yes, my love.’
‘Maybe I shouldn’t start my training yet. Maybe we should wait until papa is better.’
Tears fill mama’s eyes. ‘I’m sorry, my darling, but you will have to train. You are a man now. Papa will expect it. It will only be once a week, maybe twice. It will get better. I promise.’
She lays a gentle hand on my ribs and I gasp with the terrible pain.
She pulls her hand away quickly. ‘Did I hurt you, lyubov moya?’
I shake my head. ‘No, mama. You’ve never ever hurt me.
Mama presses her lips together and her eyes are so sad I want to wrap her up in cotton wool and hide her in a place no one can ever find her.
‘Come we will play the piano together,’ she chokes out.
Slowly, very slowly, because I am in so much pain, I get out of bed and together we stand. She holds out her hand and I put mine in it. It is hard to take big breaths. We begin to walk out of the room and I see that she is limping.
I stop and look up at her anxiously. ‘Is your leg hurt, mama?’
‘No, lybo moya. I have a lazy leg. It just went to sleep. I feel no pain.’
‘Me too, mama. I feel no pain either.’
We sit at the piano together and mama looks at me. ‘What shall we play?’
‘You choose, mama.’
‘Shall we play something happy?’
‘Yes, let’s.’
‘How about Chopin’s Spring Waltz?’ she suggests brightly.
‘That’s a good idea, mama.’
‘Ready?’
‘Ready.’
We begin to play and music fills the air and enters my body. It is so beautiful tears roll down both our cheeks. This is the only time mama ever cries. We play happy songs and we cry and cry. We are allowed to because the music mama and I make together is so beautiful. So very beautiful. We can escape into it and say to each other what our lips dare not say.
Listen …
Six
Dahlia Fury
I am first to arrive at Jamie’s. Someone is having a birthday party and it is hot, crowded, and very noisy. Fortunately, a couple stand to leave just as we arrive and Noah immediately swoops down on their table even though they are still in the process of getting into their coats. The woman gives us a dirty look, but her man says nothing and avoids any eye contact with Noah.