Although now, of course, Patsy wished more than anything in the world that she had. Curling up on the bench next to the bus stop and spending the rest of the night getting covered in snow would have been so much better than staying in that room, in that huge velvet-canopied four-poster bed.
With an adulterer whose name happened to be Keir Bourne.
But finally, because there simply hadn't been a viable alternative, she had fallen into a miserable, guilt-racked, exhausted sleep.
At seven the next morning she'd slid silently out of bed, washed and dressed herself while Keir Bourne slept on, then finally prodded him into wakefulness.
When he turned and saw her standing there in her red coat, he said casually, ‘You off, then?'
‘You need to leave here and never come back. I mean it.' Her knuckles whitened as she gripped the straps of her handbag. ‘Never, ever. Lily doesn't want to know you, she's happy as she is. Coral and Nick are her parents now.'
‘Fine. Suits me.' As he said it, Keir smothered a yawn.
‘Promise me you'll stay away.'
‘Is this about Lily? Or about you?'
‘Both.' Her armpits prickled with humiliation; it was shameful enough that she'd allowed herself to be picked up by a stranger and had ended up spending the night with him, let alone that he'd turned out to be Lily's father. ‘You have to promise. Nobody's ever going to know you were here, and they must never find out about … this.'
He was smiling, unconcerned. ‘Us sleeping together, you mean?'
Patsy wanted to cry but she couldn't allow it to happen. She wanted to peel off her own skin. She'd betrayed Lily and betrayed herself. She was a disgusting human being.
‘I mean it,' she told Keir Bourne. ‘Or I'll tell your wife.'
Not that she ever would have done, but he wasn't to know that. He'd hastily agreed with her and made the promise. The snow had stopped falling, a gritting lorry had already trundled past and the road was now passable. Keir would leave the hotel, leave Stanton Langley and she had his word he would never return.
Twelve years on, he'd broken that promise.
Oh God, she'd arrived at Goldstone House. Patsy braced herself. It was all about to go off.
Lily knew the moment the kitchen door opened and she saw Patsy's face, white with terror rather than illness.
Because of course Patsy hadn't been taken ill last night; she'd simply got the shock of her life.
Well she wasn't the only one.
First Keir Bourne turning up, having sold his story to the paper. And now this.
This.
‘He says you spent the night together at the Valentine.' Dan wasted no time in getting to the point.
‘We did.' Patsy was looking as if she wanted to be sick.
‘And you knew who he was.'
‘Not at first. Not for hours. Not until after … '
‘Then you found out,' Dan continued, ‘but you still stayed there with him.'
Patsy opened her mouth to protest, then closed it again. She nodded miserably.
‘Even though you knew who he was,' Dan went on, the disgust evident in his voice.
‘I'm sorry.' Patsy shook her head miserably. ‘It was snowing and too late to come home. But I still shouldn't have stayed.'
‘See?' said Keir Bourne. ‘I told you I wasn't lying. And then she made me promise I'd never come back, never try to contact you again. Not for your benefit,' he added, addressing Lily with an air of vindication. ‘She just wanted to make sure her guilty secret was safe.'
‘Oh God,' said Lily. ‘You knew he came here to see me. You knew he was interested enough to do that, to see how I was doing, but you never told me. You decided I didn't need to know.'
Still too ashamed to cry, Patsy said wretchedly, ‘You must hate me.'
Lily stared at Patsy and it was like looking into the eyes of a stranger. Oh well, seeing as everyone else was being honest all of a sudden, and seeing as she was feeling about as hurt and betrayed as it was physically possible to feel …
‘Do I hate you? Right now? Honestly?' All of a sudden, she had to say it. ‘Yes, I do.'
There was a moment of charged silence, then Patsy said, ‘You can't hate me more than I hate myself.'
Dan watched as Patsy left the kitchen, stifling a sob as she closed the door behind her.
Lily saw the faint smile on Keir Bourne's face. ‘You're a pretty unpleasant human being, aren't you?' she said. ‘Do you still cheat on your wife?' Her dark eyes blazed. ‘Doesn't matter, I don't need to know. Anyway, I never want to see you again. You're nothing to me. Never have been, never will be.'
It was her turn to stand and walk out.
‘And then there were two,' said Dan. ‘In case you're wondering, however much Lily despises you, I despise you more.'
Keir Bourne shrugged and said nothing.
‘Seriously, why the fuck did you do this? You don't care about Lily, so what's the point?'
‘I needed the money.'
‘Oh, great.'
‘It's all right for people like you. You couldn't begin to understand. My marriage ended a few months ago, my wife kicked me out of the house, I'm living in a crappy bedsit. Not having enough money to enjoy yourself is depressing,' said Keir. ‘When I saw the photos of Lily in the paper and realised who she was, I was pleased she'd done well for herself. Then I happened to mention it to one of my mates down the pub, and he said I should call the newspaper, ask them how much they'd pay for a story. But I didn't, because I told myself I wasn't that kind of person.' He stared down at the table for a couple of seconds.
‘How did they find you, then? By hiring Derren Brown?'
‘My mate called the paper and told them about me. Shaz turned up at the pub that same evening. She was very persuasive,' said Keir. ‘Once she has her mind set on something, it's hard to say no.' He sighed. ‘And she made me an offer I couldn't refuse.'
‘How much?' said Dan.
‘A grand.' ‘What? Are you serious? That's the offer you couldn't refuse?'
‘Again, when you don't have any spare cash, that's a lot.'
‘So you've come here and caused all this mess … ' Dan indicated the kitchen door, through which first Patsy then Lily had departed, ‘for a thousand pounds. Lily's your biological daughter and you've done this to her. Wow, you really are a hero.'
‘And I suppose you've never made any mistakes in your life,' Keir retaliated.
He was growing up, Dan realised. Maturing. A couple of years ago he wouldn't have thought twice about launching himself at Keir Bourne, even in his currently crippled condition. He still had one good leg to stand on and one good arm capable of landing a punch that would demonstrate his utter contempt for this man and what he'd done. One perfect punch and bugger the consequences.
But he wasn't going to give in to that urge, tempting though it was. The damage may already have been done here; however, there was something to be said for preventing possible future damage. Breaking Keir Bourne's jaw wouldn't be such a clever move.
God, though, just for that split second wouldn't it feel great?
‘I'd better go and find Shaz, tell her what's going on,' Keir Bourne said wearily. ‘I don't suppose there's going to be any more photos they can use.'
Oh, the temptation …
‘Don't get up,' said Dan as the older man went to push back his chair. ‘There's something else I need to say to you first.'
Patsy found Sean and Will sunbathing in their back garden, reading the Sunday papers and blissfully unaware of everything that had gone on.
Well they'd hear about it soon enough. Everyone would know by this time tomorrow. Stanton Langley might have plenty of good things going for it, but keeping secrets wasn't one of them.
‘I did a bad thing and now I'm running away for a bit. Sorry to mess you about.' She handed the keys to the salon over to Will. ‘Can you apologise to my regulars and say I'll be back next week?' If they even wanted to let her do their hair after this. ‘I've called Jenna and she's going to fill in while I'm away.'
‘Whoa, hold on, what's happened?' Sean sat up and took off his sunglasses. ‘What's this about?'
‘I'm a terrible person and now everyone knows about it. I need to go, because I'm a coward and I just can't face anyone for a while. Ask Lily or Dan, they'll tell you what I did.'
‘Oh Pats.' There was concern in Sean's eyes, those kind grey eyes she'd encountered for the first time just a few short months after her tryst at the Valentine Hotel. She'd been so thrilled to meet Sean, had thought her luck had changed at last … ha, had even imagined that in some cosmic way she'd been forgiven for the shameful incident with Keir Bourne.