He lifted her hand and placed it on his chunky silver belt buckle and she knew he wanted her to take the next step and unbuckle it—show him that she wanted what he wanted. “I’m not sure if I’m ready,” she finally confessed, because as much as her body said go, go, go, her mind wasn’t ready for this. As much as she tried to convince herself otherwise, she wasn’t a one night stand type of girl. She didn’t know what Alec wanted beyond tonight, and even if he wanted something, he planned to go back to LA in two weeks.
He slid his finger out of her, balled his hands into fists before he rested his hands on the top of her bare thighs. Leaning back, he looked at the ceiling for a few awkward seconds. “You want me to stop?” His dark blue eyes were more hooded than usual as his gaze turned to her. With his impenetrable mask back in place, she couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
She rubbed her hands along the sides of her face thinking, contemplating, and trying to make responsible decisions. “Yeah,” she finally said. “I just don’t know if this is right…yet.”
He sucked his lip into his mouth, his inscrutable gaze, telling her nothing as second after second ticked by in absolute silence. “I don’t know what you mean by right. Right for this second? Right for some elusive long term plan?”
Her eyes wandered around the room, trying to separate her mind from the intensity of this moment so she could make an intelligent decision. “I don’t know enough about you to take this step. I’m always telling the kids at the Foundation to be responsible and not to act impulsively. I don’t want to be a hypocrite.”
He snapped his hands off her thighs and stuffed his hands in pockets. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know…how many sexual partners have you had?”
“Enough,” he answered, his voice harsh and she flinched.
“What’s enough? One, ten, fifty?”
He took a few steps backward and she wanted to pull him back, but she knew she just hit a hot button and whatever was happening between them was definitely over. “Fuck, Violet. I don’t know. I don’t keep count. I’ve never cared. It didn’t matter. They didn’t matter.” He raked his hands through his tousled dark hair. “Probably too many, but I’m always safe,” he added.
She nodded absently. “Okay. Thanks for being honest.”
“And what does my honesty get me?”
She smiled faintly. “Nothing tonight.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“It’s not a no forever, just tonight,” she said, sliding off the countertop and pulling her shirt over her head. She needed some armor in the form of clothing to continue their conversation.
His eyes narrowed as his gaze took in every inch of her disheveled clothing and the heated blush creeping up her neck. “Okay. Little Violet, I’ll let you go…for now.”
She nodded her head, already accepting that she wouldn’t escape again. Who was she kidding? She didn’t want to escape at all. She liked his hands touching her too much. She just needed to get her mind in the right place before she took the next step.
“Bye,” he said, brushing her hair from her face, then kissing her on top her head, and before she knew it, she heard her front door close. It took every bit of control she had to stop herself from running after him and telling him she changed her mind.
Chapter Eleven
Frustrated. Relieved. Those were the only two words he could find to describe the emotions rolling through him as he turned the corner of Violet’s house to the entrance of his temporary basement apartment and that’s when he saw her. Fucking hell. His day just got a thousand times worse.
“Alec,” the woman said, her voice gravelly and hoarse from years of smoking and hard living.
“Cecilia.”
“You can call me mom. It wouldn’t kill you to acknowledge me, or are you too big and famous for your poor, old mom?”
Mom. Now she wanted him to call her mom. She never did after his dad died. In fact, she barely wanted to acknowledge that she knew him, especially when she was too busy accusing him of ruining her life. “How did you find me?”
“Was it supposed to be a secret?”
He folded his arms across his chest and raised one eyebrow.
She sighed. “One of my friends saw you walking into the Foundation. I asked him to follow you.”
“What do you want?”
“Aren’t you going to invite me in?”
He didn’t want to, but he also didn’t want to have a confrontation with his mom on the side of Violet’s house. Knowing his mom, this visit could turn really ugly fast and he didn’t want Violet to witness the ugliness in his life and realize he was tainted by association. He brushed by her and unlocked the door. He didn’t bother to see if his mom followed. She’d do what she wanted. She always did. When he heard the door slam behind him, he sat on the couch and turned on the television.