I've become my mother, but worse. My father didn't care he was being used to father children he had no interest in. Luke cares.
I dump the empty orange juice bottle into a trash can and yank open my purse and dump the pregnancy tests as well. I don't need them. It's not like Luke of all people doesn't know what he's doing. My denial is quickly fading, replaced by anger. This is not what I had planned.
I turn right onto Spruce and see Luke leaning against his big stupid SUV in front of Jacobsen Hall. We make eye contact briefly as I approach and he nods but doesn't attempt to talk to me. I cannot believe he knocked me up. Jerk.
I push open the door of my dorm room and walk in on Jean and Jonathan having sex. Can this day get any worse? I should count my blessings at this point, at least there were no toys involved this time. I slump against the wall across from our door and slide down to the floor in a heap. I have one donut left, the heart-shaped one covered in pink frosting. There are heart-shaped sprinkles on top too, I notice as I shove it in my mouth.
The door opens and Jonathan appears with Jean right behind him.
"Sophie, what are you doing here?" Jean asks, concern on her face.
"Eating a donut." I hold up the remaining half as evidence.
They look at each other for a moment and then Jonathan helps me off the floor while Jean holds the door open. Once I'm on my feet Jonathan takes off and I flop across my old bed.
"What's going on, Sophie? I thought you were staying with Luke?"
"I'm"—I sigh—"pregnant."
"Oh." Jean looks surprised. "Oh, wow." She's quiet for a moment. "Luke didn't take it well?"
"He's the one who told me."
"He knew before you did?" she asks incredulously.
"I'm an idiot," I reply, blowing hair off my face.
"No, Sophie, no, you're not. What's going on?"
I fill her in and she listens patiently. She rubs my back while I cry and lets me talk and vent all afternoon. All week really. And she lends me clothing, since Luke moved all of my things into his house.
Luke calls, and I send him to voicemail. I'm not ready to talk to him. I'm not ready for any of this.
Chapter 33
"Holy shit. Pregnant?" Everly looks horrified. She's staring at my stomach like she suspects baby cooties are airborne.
"It's not contagious, Everly."
"I know that," she responds unconvincingly while running a hand across her flat stomach. She hops up on the back counter and stares at me while swinging her feet. "Have you told Luke? How'd he take it? Are you gonna HEA?"
"Are we going to what?"
Everly rolls her eyes at me. "HEA. Are you going to get married, have the baby and live happily ever after?"
"I don't know." I shake my head.
"Well, how did he react when you told him? He's really old, he might want a kid," she offers.
"He told me, actually."
Everly stops swinging her legs. "How? Were you playing some kinky pregnancy test game? Please say yes," she pleads.
"Uh, no." I point to my head. "Concussion? Hospital? Remember?"
"Oh, right," she says, deflating.
"Enough about me. What's new with Professor Camden?"
Everly freezes for a brief second then shrugs. "Nothing. And if you think I'm done talking about the chicken nugget in your uterus, you're mistaken."
I ignore her and move to assist a customer.
"So, what's your plan?" Everly asks when I'm done.
"It's been three days, Everly, I'm supposed to have a plan?"
Everly looks at me like I'm crazy. "Yeah, you're Sophie. You probably had a plan within three hours."
I slump against the counter. "I had planned to graduate without a pregnancy, so maybe planning isn't all it's cracked up to be."
Everly just waves her hand for me to continue.
"I think I can afford a one-bedroom in a decent area as long as I find a full-time position by graduation."
"You can afford a three-bedroom and a pony with the amount of child support Luke will be paying."
"No." I shake my head. "No, I don't want his money. I'm not my mother." The back of my eyes burn and I will myself not to cry.
Everly hops off the counter and hugs me. "I know, bitch. I know," she says, rubbing my back. Only Everly can call me a bitch at a moment like this and make it comforting. "Sophie, you're the most conscientious person I know. No one will think you got pregnant on purpose."
I spot a shiny new Land Rover parking out front as I pull away from Everly. I can't believe he's stopping in for his Tuesday morning coffee run like nothing has happened. I duck into the back and leave Everly to deal with him, busying myself unpacking a shipment of paper cups.