“Where did you go?” I ask.
“Kruger Farms. I stayed over there in the top of a barn of a farmer that my dad used to know.” He chews his bottom lip, watching me.
“And I’m supposed to believe that?”
“Yeah, baby, you are. You can call them and ask them, if you want.” He forces a swallow before squaring his shoulders to me. “I wasn’t an addict, or I don’t think I was. But the first few days of being there, I had to get off the pain meds. I was sick. It was worse than I thought it was going to be, but I did it. And if I went through all of that in front of you, you’d never look at me the same way again,” he smiles sadly. “I hit rock bottom, E.”
My chest heaves as the weight of his words falls on me. I had no idea things were this serious with him. A part of me wants to hold him, to ask him why, and another part of me wants to slap him for being so stupid.
More than ever, I’m looking at a man that, on the surface, I know better than anyone. But do I even know him at all?
“How do I know you won’t do that again?” I ask. “Do you want pills now?”
He smiles the most honest grin I’ve seen since he’s been back. “I have no interest. I only want you.”
My mind reels. “Why didn’t you come to me? Why didn’t you let me help you?”
“That’s why I left, so maybe there would be some hope that we could fix this. That I could fix this. There was no way I could let you see me like that. It would taint you.”
“It still tainted me. It ruined our marriage.”
His features harden again. “Our marriage is not ruined.”
“There’s no way to fix this, Ty. Not like you want. Not like I’d want. I don’t even know you. I mean, drugs, Ty?”
“I’m clean. I swear to God. I wasn’t an addict or something, just starting down that road, but thank fuck I caught it. Or maybe you caught it by catching me. I don’t know,” he sighs. “I’ll fix this, Elin.”
“How do you think you’re going to fix the damage you caused when you don’t even know what that all entails?”
“Tell me,” he says earnestly.
I shake my head.
His eyes cloud, his voice wavering. “I need you, Elin.”
Looking down the hall, my chest tightens. I remember sitting in the bathroom that’s not fifteen steps from where we are, watching the toilet water turn pink after my doctor’s appointment. Feeling a part of me leave my body, a part of my heart ripping away.
I look at Ty. “Yeah, well, I needed you too.”
TY
Pain is streaked across her face, her anguish on display for the world, for me, to see.
I can’t take it.
If there’s one thing in this world I’ve wanted more than any other, it’s Elin Watson. From the moment I saw her at her locker, her body in a pair of jean shorts and a yellow top that fell off her right shoulder nibbling on a red sucker, I had to have her.
And I finally got her. I promised to take care of her, protect her, love her. Standing here, seeing the fallout from not doing those things destroys me from the inside out.
She watches me from across the room.
“Do you remember the first day I kissed you?” I ask, watching her face soften as the memory pops in her head. “I’d wanted to kiss you for days, but I was afraid to push too hard.”
“I remember Lindsay telling me to be careful around you. That all the girls liked you and you were a player,” she remembers.
“All the girls did like me,” I say, trying to bring her back to me. Trying to remind her that I’m the kid she fell in love with. “But I liked you.”
“Everyone said it was just because I was the new girl,” she says.
“Well, I’ve known you for a long damn time, and I want you more today than I did that day in the hallway outside of math lab.”
She looks out the window, a faint smile on her lips. “I told you no the first time you asked me out. Everyone knew you around town, everyone liked you. It was overwhelming.”
“It doesn’t help that on your first day, I kind of stalked you, huh?”
Elin starts to come around. The tension eases from her face, the lines weaken around her eyes as a hint of the sparkle comes back. “When you made Pettis get up from beside me at lunch, I was scared to death. I couldn’t figure out what you wanted from me.”
“I think we both know what I wanted from you,” I wink. “Your ass in those shorts . . .”
She laughs, the sound music to my ears. “You ended up getting it.”
Taking a step closer to her, she doesn’t move away. I breathe a sigh of relief. It’s a small victory I’m too happy to take. “Do you know what I want from you now?”