“It doesn’t matter either way. I just wish I had the money to go back to school.”
“This friend you borrowed money from, is it a guy?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“Yes. But it’s not like that.”
“What’s his name?” I didn’t want any more surprises. I also knew I’d find a way to pay it off. I wasn’t going to let her feel in debt to anyone.
“Austen.”
“Does he live in Ridgeview?”
“Yes.”
I stroked her back. “Does he know you’re with me?”
“No, but what does that matter?”
“What if he’s trying to take advantage of you, Em?” I didn’t want to hurt her, but she could be really naive and way too trusting. She probably shouldn’t have trusted me.
“He’s a good guy. I saw him when I was home. He told me he was interested, but backed off immediately when he realized I was interested in someone else.”
“Okay. I’m glad you’re telling me all this. I need to know about it.” I was also thrilled she’d picked me over her brother’s friend.
“I wanted to tell you sooner, but I didn’t want you to look down on me.”
“Look down on you? Me? Like I could look down on anyone?” I couldn’t believe she’d worry about that.
“You did something stupid and reckless, but it was one time.” She gripped my shirt in her hand like her life depended on it.
“You think that’s the only stupid thing I’ve done?”
“It isn’t?” She looked up at me. Her face was swollen from crying and all I wanted to do was make it better. Maybe showing her my skeletons would help.
“I played college football for one season.”
She wiped her eyes. “Really? Where?”
“Georgia. Everyone told me to go to UNC, but I wanted SEC, you know?”
“You wanted a more competitive team.”
“Yeah. But, of course that meant I got no playing time. I couldn’t deal, so I drank my anger away.”
“Did you get kicked off the team?” She put her head back down against me.
“Uh huh and that was it for college for me. I came home and suddenly I didn’t want to be the hero anymore. What did it matter if we won state when I was in high school if I couldn’t even hack it in college football?”
She reached over and stroked my cheek. I leaned into her hand. “And the night of the accident, it wasn’t random. I got shit drunk because a girl I used to hook up with decided to tell Ben and Molly about some awful crap I pulled in high school.”
“What did you do?” Her voice was soft.
“I tried to get Ben to cheat on Molly to break them up.”
“Why?” She ran her hands over my t-shirt like she was trying to flatten it out after balling it up so tight.
“Because I was jealous. Pathetic, huh?”
“Not pathetic. Sad, but not pathetic. Did it work?” There was no accusation in her voice, only curiosity.
“Not at all, but a stupid picture I sent was part of why she left town for college.”
“But they’re together now. Isn’t that what matters?” She traced a pattern on my hand. It was her name again.
“I still did it.”
She took my face in her hands. “That’s how I can tell you’re a good man. You care. You really care about it. I think that’s more important than the fact that you did it in the first place.”
“And you say you’re not an optimist?”
She leaned her head on my shoulder. “It looks like we’re two peas in a pod.”
“How do you figure?”
“We’re both broken people looking for a safe place to land. Maybe this time we’ve actually found solid ground.”
I squeezed her hand. “We have.”
“You can take Noah trick or treating.”
I laughed. “I almost forgot that’s where this all began.”
“I didn’t forget. It all started with me getting scared because you mentioned us being serious.”
“You don’t ever have to be scared with me.” I pulled her further onto my lap. I needed her closer.
“That’s impossible. It’s scary to jump into what we’re doing.”
“View it as exciting, not scary. That’s how I see it.” I pushed her sweater off her shoulders, leaving her in just a tank top. I wanted to feel her skin.
“I’ll try.”
“Are you ready for bed?”
“I’m ready to go curl up with you.”
“Me too.” I helped her up, and we moved into her bedroom. If it was possible, I felt even closer to her. I watched her undress, amazed yet again by how beautiful her body was. I was glad she didn’t try to hide herself from me.
She caught me staring. “What?”
“I’m just admiring the view.”
“Very funny.” She pulled a t-shirt over her head.
“It’s not supposed to be a joke.”
“I know.” She joined me on the bed. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Jake
“What time does Noah get here?” Cole sat on the couch guzzling down a Coke.
“Mel’s supposed to bring him by around five.”
“Then why’d you cancel practice? You could have at least made them run through some plays.”
I grabbed my own Coke. “It’s Halloween. It should be a national holiday.”
Cole laughed. “Dude, you’ve always been obsessed with Halloween.”
“I know. I finally have an excuse to celebrate it again.”
“You’ve really grown to like the kid, huh?” He put his feet up on the ottoman.
“Yeah. Noah’s my little buddy.”
“But what happens if Emily decides she’s done with you? You’ll lose both of them. Doesn’t that worry you?”
“Decides she’s done with me?”
“I’m just telling you, man. You have to protect yourself.”
“What did that girl do to you? Not every girl is going to suddenly decide they want to experiment.” I couldn’t resist giving him a hard time. Cole had been dumped by his long term college girlfriend when she decided to date her roommate instead. He didn’t take it well.
“Shut the fuck up, Mathews. At least I’m not playing house.”
“Playing house?” I crushed my empty can.
“You have to realize that’s what’s going on. You like pretending to have a family, but you don’t. At the end of the day, the kid’s not yours and you don’t have any responsibility.”
“Bullshit. I’m not playing at anything. I spend every second I can with them. I help take care of Noah.”
“Yeah? You spend your weekends with them, but when you get home on Monday are you worried about daycare, or whether he’s sick?”
“What’s your point, Cole?” Cole was always a worrier, but he didn’t usually include me in his neuroticism.
“My point is that what you have can’t last forever. Either you’re going to actually become a family or you’re going to say goodbye. I don’t want to deal with you if you’re the one who gets hurt.”
“Hurt?”
“Yeah. You don’t have responsibility but you also have no rights. If she doesn’t want you seeing him, you don’t.”
I was getting mad, really mad. “Where the hell is all this coming from?”
“I’m just looking out for you. She’s a great girl, but don’t lose sight of reality.”
“If you’re done, you can go home.”
“No, thanks.”
“What? You want to watch me ‘play house?’”
“No, I have my reasons.” He walked into the kitchen and helped himself to a bag of chips.
“Mel?” I finally put two and two together. I knew I recognized her from somewhere more than passing her in the halls during high school. “She’s the girl you hooked up with after homecoming senior year, isn’t she?”
He nodded. “Yeah. Still the best I ever had.”
I laughed. “You’re seriously freaking me out. First you’re worried about my wellbeing and now you’re getting nostalgic about a high school hook-up.”
He shrugged. “I’m supporting you with this whole kid thing. You could at least help me out.”
Supporting me? Was that what he called it? “Fine. Stay.”
“I was going to anyway.” He sat back down on the couch.
***
“A pumpkin? She dressed him up as a pumpkin?” I couldn’t believe my eyes when Mel came to the door with Noah dressed in a puffy orange costume.
“What’s wrong? He looks adorable.” Mel walked right in like she owned the place. I was beginning to see that was just her personality.
“Emily told me she had the costume taken care of. I thought that meant a dinosaur or a monster or something.”
“Don’t listen to the big meanie, Noah. You look great.” Mel put Noah down. He immediately ran into the den to find the toys I always left out for him.
“Don’t worry, buddy, I’ll pick out your costume next year,” I called after him.
“Hey, Mel.” Cole got off the couch.
“Hey.”