I rolled my eyes. “No! I am reminding you that I will be smacking the crap out of you if your snoring keeps me up again tonight.”
“It ain’t that bad, Darlin. Besides, you know it makes me frisky. He reached his hands around to my ass and squeezed my cheeks. “You feelin’ frisky tonight too?”
I thought about my night.
I’d made dinner, which included hand breaded pork chops, homemade applesauce and homemade mashed potatoes. Aside from my normal dishes, I also had to wash the mixer and the extra bowls I used to make the applesauce. After getting the dishes done, Christian crapped up the back of her pajamas and needed a bath to get clean. Once I got her out, she decided that she was hungry again, so while I made her food, Noah got into the tub. After feeding our daughter, I got her a bottle and laid her down for bed, while Noah fought with me over which of his favorite character pajamas he wanted to wear.
I hadn’t looked at myself in a mirror since about noon and I was covered in every kind of food that my hands had touched all day, not to mention the foreign stains of things I didn’t even want to know what they were.
I looked at Colt and smiled. “My frisky went out the door with my hairbrush and makeup, days ago.”
He ran his hands through my hair. “I think you’re gorgeous.”
“I think you just want me naked.” I went to run my hands up Colt’s chest, when the office door creaked open.
Noah stood there in his pajamas and a pair of cowboy boots. “Hey Dad, can you come tuck me in. I found that story about the boy and the alligator.”
He patted me on the butt and lifted me off of his lap. “Sure Buddy, give Mom a kiss goodnight.”
Noah walked up to me and kissed me. I noticed right away that his lips tasted like bubble gum. “Wow, someone just brushed his teeth with superhero toothpaste.”
He opened his eyes wide. “How did you know that, Mom?”
I grabbed him in for another hug. “Because Moms know everything.”
Noah stood there with wide eyes. He went running up to the bathroom so fast that I couldn’t help but know he had done something. By the time I got into his bathroom, he was flushing the toilet. He turned to face me, but put his hands behind his back and looked down. “Noah, what are you doing?”
He shrugged his shoulders but wouldn’t answer.
“You better start talking, young man, or I will have to get your father.” Threatening to get Colt was like telling him that Santa wasn’t real. It was devastating.
“No, Mom, please don’t tell Dad.” He looked down and shook his head. “I accidentally dropped a couple marbles in the toilet.”
I walked over to the toilet and looked inside. Sure enough, at the bottom of the toilet were at least twenty marbles of all different sizes. Since the toilet was still running, I knew he had already flushed it.
We both leaned in and took another look. I turned my head toward my son as he turned to look at me. “So how many did you get to flush?” He shrugged again and I watched his face turning red. “Where is the bag that was full of marbles?” I asked because I knew I couldn’t figure out how many were missing. He had just got a bag of thirty new ones at the store with his grandmother.
Noah pulled the bag out of his pocket and right away I knew it was empty. I grabbed it out of his hand anyway.
“Noah, where are the rest?”
He took his index finger and pointed in the toilet. Without speaking I looked in the toilet again. Half were already down the drain. I shook my head. “Why did you put the marbles in the toilet?”
“It was an accident.”
I put down the toilet seat and sat on it. “Noah, this wasn’t an accident. If it was an accident then the bag would be in the toilet too. I think you dumped the marbles in there. You better start telling me the truth right now.”
“I was just trying to get the underwear to flush. I thought if I put the marbles in the water they would help the underwear go down the drain.”
Oh shit! He flushed his underwear. Wait! What?
I heard Colt cussing from downstairs and I got up to see what the fuss was about. He was standing in the laundry room as brown liquid was coming out of the drain of the utility tub. I put my hand over my mouth, knowing exactly what was going to happen next. “The septic is backing up. We need to call the guy to come out and get this fixed. Don’t turn on the water at all until I can get someone out here.” The smell of fecal matter filled my pregnant nostrils and I immediately wanted to vomit. “Didn’t we just have the tank cleaned out a few months ago?”
I held my nose. “Yeah.”
“Well, what the hell could be causing this backup?”